Would you or have you ever forgiven a cheating partner?

[sugar_and_spice]

If you've done so in the past, did the relationship change?

[threebyfate]

Forgiving a cheating partner, doesn't necessarily mean you give them a second chance.

 

With this in mind, yes, I've forgiven the ex-H but haven't forgotten the action and never took him back. The thought of continuing our marriage, allowing him to touch me again, was a repulsive thought.

[Pyro]

I tried it. I wanted counseling and I had to basically twist her arm to go. Afterwards she never tried to make things work, so I gave up. The problem was that I loved her, so I wanted to make things work, but after that I don't think I could ever forgive a cheating partner.

 

I was very fortunate that she did not give me any STD's.

[hoping2heal]

Forgiven? Yes. I couldn't be with them ever again though. The problem with cheating is..sure maybe you WON'T ever cheat again..but the reality is now that you've done it once? I just will never really know. I can't go through my life never being sure. Always feeling neurotic, always being hyper vigilant. Quite frankly, why should I? Because they are so sorry now? The thing is, maybe they are sorry okay- but like it or not they had their chance at a relationship and blew it ten feet high. There's someone else out there (and I've found him ) who hasn't done that to me- and I'm blissful with.

 

So I guess for me it's just not a matter of if they cheat again or not, it's the neurocy of knowing they are capable of going through with it once and could again at any time. Period.

[Lizzie60]

I've never been cheated on.. (that I know)... and I've never cheated on my partners... but

 

NO.. I would kick him to the curb... if I find out..

 

If they cheat and I never find out.. well.. then it didn't hurt me...

[Bleed Internal]

I've tried for a girl I loved, but it never worked at the end of the day. Good times with her after finding out just did more damage because I would realize that the girl I love so much and have such a great time with did that to me. It's tough.

[samsungxoxo]

I never gotten cheated on but will not tolerate this from a man. I'm on Lizzie's side in regards to cheating. I too, would kick him to the curb.

 

Forgive, well maybe in my mind because holding hatred or grudges towards someone is unhealthy but that doesn't mean I would let them back in my life. Why should I settle for a man that got touched by someone else (all tainted)?

[venus-blue]

I forgave my current partner for a mistake he made a few years ago. He was drunk when it happened and pretty much ran home with his pants around his ankles after a very brief encounter with another girl(he did not finish, that makes a difference for some reason). He told me what had happened immediately and asked for forgiveness. His honesty was the only reason that I forgave him. I have made mistakes in the past and I know that he was not trying to deceive me. He made a mistake and he never lied to me about it, so I forgave him. We are still together after 7 years.

Edited January 31, 2010 by venus-blue

[seibert253]

Been cheated on twice. 1st with my HS sweetheart. Forgave her, moved forward, but the relationship ended up dying a slow death.

 

2nd with my W. I've "mostly" forgiven her, but it's still there.

She knows there WILL NOT be another instance of forgiving for further events.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I was cheated on one time. Ironically, a couple of years after I gave up the cheating/cheating with lifestyle.

 

Did it change? It did. Our relationship was like a vase that was shattered and glued back together. It may have seemed fixed, but it was never more after that than a bunch of broken pieces held together when I should have had the sense to simply throw them away when I had the opportunity. He broke up with me a year later and the only regret I had was that I didn't dump him first.

[threebyfate]

As I've expressed many a time on this site, viable relationships are based on a foundation of love, trust and respect. When someone cheats, the elements of trust and respect are removed. Like any triangle, if two foundational pillars are removed, the relationship falls down.

 

For myself personally, I cannot love someone who I can't trust and respect. Rebuilding this is nigh' impossible.

[BlueeyedJonesy]

My H hasn't cheated on my physically(that I know of) but has done everything BUT. EA, phonesex, aaf, and strip clubs...If I knew that he had sexual intercourse with another woman.....I would be gone, no questions asked. I can't imagine that hurt

[Citizen Erased]

I have...although he kissed someone, I doubt I ever would have forgiven him if he'd had sex with someone else.

 

Even that though, before that he was the most perfect person in my eyes, I adored him and it never so much as occured to me he's ever do something like that, I trusted him wholeheartedly. After, it opened my eyes and I saw him as any regular person, although I still loved him it was never as much. Never with the same happy abandon as before.

 

Now, any form of cheating, I don't care if they don't even so much as hold hands, I would be done.

[ella23]

I don't think that I'd ever forgive a guy if he cheated on me.

[venus-blue]

To me there is a difference between being deceptive about cheating, as in pursuing a new partner, cheating, and lying about it(or hiding it, same thing) and making a mistake. The only reason I forgave my partner was because he had made an honest mistake when approached with temptation and was completely honest with me about it. Although it was a horrible mistake, he has kept my trust and respect because I know that he is incapable of lying to me about anything like that. I can handle someone being human and therefore flawed, but I cannot tolerate deception.

[New_Life08]

No, I have not and will not forgive infidelity. I have real issues with this. It is the gravest insult to intimacy and unforgivable on so many levels.

 

I am not saying this is the way it should be; nor am I saying otherwise, just that forgiveness for cheating doesn't work for me, at least not yet.

[in_absentia]

I would almost never forgive a cheating partner. If it got to the point where my bf thought so little of me and our relationship that he'd be risking it all for something with some other girl, however brief, or small (like a kiss) I'd be gone. I wouldn't ever be able to trust him again and the intimacy that we share would stop meaning anything once it'd been shared with someone else. Luckily I trust him 100% that he would never cheat, and I know I wouldn't so it doesn't bother me..

 

Only time i could possibly imagine forgiving it would maybe be if I were married for years, had kids, a full life together, and it was one drunken kiss... but there's still a high chance i'd just end it. I'm worth someone who wants to be with me and only me.

[Dexter Morgan]

oh I could forgive and have, but I still left their cheating ass

[bluestraps]

I did not necessarily forgive her, it happened 4 times. But how sorry is the person. And Like in my case if it happens over and over maybe think twice about it.

[She's_NotInLove_w/Me]

I would be an absolute animal if I found out she cheated (or was cheating), but honestly, after 17 years, and 5 kids together, I could find it in my heart to eventually forgive and move on.

 

I'll keep that to myself, as I would not want to empower her with the thought that I would forgive her if she cheated.

 

At least as far as the thoughts we have shared, cheating is one of the few serious 'deal breakers' in our marriage. But push come to shove, if she came clean and was 100% STD tested, faithful and loving, I think I could, in time, forgive her...

[mark982]

i forgave,and was a idiot to do so. 8 months later caught her again.i will never again forgive cheating be it em or pa.

[gorgeous1]

Ive forgivven my partner for cyber sex, even though it wasnt actual sex, he still got naked with women (and men) on webcam throuhout our relationship, was on sex and dating sites with graphic profiles detailing what he wanted them to do to him (kinky stuff he never even told me he was into) and repeatedly lied to me (see my post about what happened). Although I have forgiven him, I still cant forget and the trust has gone. I told him he has to win my trust back, but he says he doesnt know how. He tells me he will never lie to me or hurt me again, but in lying to me in the first place he has destroyed that trust. How can a man go from your bed in the morning, tell you how he loves you so much and how beautiful you are....then go straight home and get naked, expose himself and masturbate to other women doing the same??? And with profiles up saying he wants one on one sex or cam to cam surely its only a matter of time before anything physical could develop.

 

I think if he had cheated with a full on sexual relationship then I would be gone. Lying cheating scumbags!!! Makes me angry!!!

[Leia]

If you've done so in the past, did the relationship change?

 

I forgave the person but ended the relationship. It wasn't worth it anymore.

[single]

Forgive in time yes but would never trust them again would drive you insane when they were on nights out, late from work etc

 

No thanks been there and got the medal and would never do it again.

 

Lots of good posts on this thread and i agree with the poster who says a em affair is just as bad.

 

Also the he/she was drunk and only did it once rubbish is just that rubbish what you mean is you have only caught them once.

 

Very cynical about it all now which hopefully goes away overtime but I think it's just the way it is maybe it's the way it has always been although there is probably more opportunities for people to cheat today such as online and more personal freedom etc.

[tami-chan]

I don't hate my exH for cheating but was devastated when he did....but since I have never given him or our marriage a chance to start all over again, I guess I was/am incapable for forgiving and I am okay with that. With his cheating his lost his wife...forever...although he did not lose a partner in raising our child.