crimsonandclover Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 I need some advice. I started dating my current boyfriend about 2 years ago. After only 4 months of dating he asked me to move with him (he was taking a new job in a new city). I was under the impression that we were starting a new life together. He asked me to buy a house with him, which I did, and live together - 1000 miles away from everyone and everything I knew and loved. I agreed to do this. I quit my job (a very good job) and moved with him to this new place. Things seemed good and I thought that a ring would be the obvious next step. Once we bought the house everything changed. He became cold and distant. He didn't want to kiss me any more and treated me more like a roommate than a girlfriend. I cooked and cleaned and did all his laundry and started to feel like a maid. There was never and hasn't been any talk of marriage - unless I asked if he was thinking we would do that. He would say yes, that's what he wanted but there were no steps on his part to make this a reality. We've been together almost 2 years and I still have never heard the words "I love you" come out of his mouth. We never have sex unless I initiate - and lately I've just stopped initiating because I feel like he barely puts any effort into it when we do have it. I've been able to start a new life here, go out and meet people, I started my own business and made friends in the community. I would be OK living here if I thought he loved me...but I am pretty sure he does not. If we didn't own the house together I am pretty sure it would be over. I don't understand why he asked me to come with him here and why he asked me to buy a house together if he doesn't love me. I am so scared that I made a huge mistake and now I'm stuck with a man that doesn't love me and mortgage in a place very very very far away from my family. I know it sounds petty and shallow, but he didn't get me anything for Christmas. We didn't even spend Christmas together. He went to his family and didn't invite me and I just went home to mine. He said instead of gifts we could take a trip after the new year...but when I bring that up there's always an excuse why we have to wait to take the trip. I've been trying to ignore all of this - and pretend like everything is fine...but now that I write it all out it just makes it all so clear that this is over. UGH. I am dreading what I think is coming next...basically a divorce - dividing up the house, moving out, etc. etc. etc. I feel stuck, alone, scared and rejected. I feel like I am in a bad dream and I just wish I could wake up. I guess it's pretty clear that I need to start packing and move on out. It's just overwhelming what has to happen next and I guess I could use some advice on how to deal with not only splitting the house and everything like that but also just dealing with everything that's coming next...
HeyThere Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 (edited) I’m so sorry for the place you are in with your so called boyfriend/husband(?). You clearly recognize the pain and his indifference which makes it no less so. You deserve better and you know that. Whatever happened to him is most likely irrelevant. There were probably signs of his coldness before you moved that you ignored or thought would change. Pack your bags, talk to a lawyer about recovering your portion of equity in the house, because you may need to force a sale to get that without his consent. Continue to take care of your needs. Edited January 30, 2010 by HeyThere
Jeff1962 Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Get a lawyer over the house. Cover your rown backside. Make it legal.
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