hello

[dannytheone]

hi all

 

 

Right to start im a 26 yearl old male who has recently split from my ex fiancee Lucy (well to be precise just under 2 months) and the mother of my little gorgeous princess Ava -Grace

 

I had been with Lucy for just under 5 years. before lucy i had one serious relationship that lasted 6 monthd .i met lucy in club locally and were always together. I lived south of river and she lived north, so we would stay each others parents split half the week. we were so happy vey much in love vey rarely argued. in 2006 my dad commited sucide as he had depression. it was very bad tragic and emotional time. Lucy was great support but she had never had a family memeber die so the pain she could not feel. me and my dad got on ok but was not the ideal father, son relationship i always wanted. for instance i love my football but my dad would never watch me play. my mum was really my dad for me and my brother.

 

anyway back on with me and luce on a very stupid and drunken night soon after my dads death i kissed another girl. i dont know why my head was everywhere and was so pissed i couldnt really memeber it. its was pure stupidity. lucy got told of this and broke her heart. what had i done. i had hurt the person i loved and would die for. Lucy was heartbroken but after a long chat. she forgave me. months went by and the love was stronger than ever so in jan 2007 i proposed in ny. I wanted to be with this girl for the rest of my life. the only girl i could ever want. making her my wife would be the best thing in world.

 

things were still great and we would have few ows now and agin just like every couple. the one thing is we never went out much as a couple and with her mates. we were with other all the time.

 

in may 2008 we moved out in our own rented place south of the river. it was all coming together or i thought.

 

i can be bit lazy at times and not always did i do my fair share of house chores which caused arguements. These then became more common and as result i instead of coming home to talk and and discuss the prob i would go out with mates leaving Luce on her own. i do look and think now what a prick i was!

 

this was cause bigger rows and somethimes she would go home and sty with mum for couple of days. Lucy mum and dad really liked me and know im a good hard working chap, whos not a jack the lad and not loud.

 

My heart was being lost a bit for lucy coz of these rows. I sat and explained this and we both knew little changes had to be made

 

anyway august 2008 Lucy fell pregnant. we were full of mixed emotions as the relationship was bit rocky, and we were so young and very scared. We had holiday booked for thailand and we were going to decide on that hol what we wanted to do. we had decided i hate saying this could i never would ever think this ever again whatever situation i was in we were going to have termination. we both agreed. We got back and we were both against it. She went to abortion clinic on her own one day coz i didnt want her to go. We both agreed in a heart to heart we both wanted this baby and were going to make this such a great family. Iwas very scared and it was still sinking in im going to be a daddy now. im going to have to love and care for a little bundle of jy I had some money and made sure all lucys debts were paid coz didnt want to start family life with any debts so I lent her £7000 to clear these!

 

Months went by but things didnt change the rows kept happeneing so me going out and my love was fading till oct 08. I decided to say to luce, i still have love there but if i carry on the way we are i will end up hating and resenting her.she toke uopn herself to move out. i know from a neutal it looks like i kicked out and would never have done that but i think she thought was easier coz her parents lived noth of river. I hate that had come this and i do hate my self for breaking with her coz i broke her heart and my baby she was carrying inside. she hated me and rightfully so.

 

after breaking i was in a bubble, my own world as such where i was oblvious to what was going on around. i was going out weekends maybe to shut what my heart was saying and thats u did love lucy.i made sure i rang and text her everyday to make sure baby and her were ok

 

2 weeks after break up, in a bar with mates a girl chated me up. i had no paid any attention before to girls coz lucy was my love of my life and i would always make this clear. maybe in my my ego came in to effect and we chatted most of nigh. we kissed and more drinks were drank. we were in london but she lived near me. so we got cab back locally and she came to mine for another glass of wine. I knew everything was wrong and broke to this and explained the situation i still wanted Lucy. as was 5 in morn i said she could sleep in my bed and i would grab sofa. which did she left next morn but funny enough left her coat down side of bed. I dont dont wanna sound big headed but this girl did like me and i should have dropped that ego and told her from ov i still loved my ex. lucy came that day to chat that day and u guessed saw coat. i explained to lucy above but i know fro otsiders point of view but it god honest truth. i had had causedeven more pain

 

weeks went i phoned, emailed and phone to make sure her and baby were ok. We began to talk again.anyway months before breaking up i had organised a bday new mummys spa weekend for us. we agreed to go on it and it sorted started us seeing each other again. during this time she had also moved from he parents to her own rented place. This was end of november!

 

half way through december she said i need to move in otherwise there is no point. i had just taken a new lease on my flat south for 6 months coz i didnt want to rush things but looking back it was very stupid and selfish ov me. I had a baby coming in feb 09. feb 09 and our little princess was born. from Dec 08 - to when Ava grace was born i was over lucys new place 4-5 days of week. and when ava did come i moved permatally from south into lucys in essex.

 

It was the happisest days and most proudest day of my life. I was so proud of lucy we had this beautiful bundle of joy. i hated seeing lucy in such pain during pregnancy but she done so well.

 

We named out little girl Ava-Grace and would keep lucys surname which i admit werent happy with but could understand why she did she needed that trust again.

 

it was 1st time i had seen her mum since splitting in pregnancy but were all so happpy and there for lucy and ava.

 

me and lucy pplus our princess were all so happy but all very tired and just wanted to get home that night which we got too on way though we needed to pick up house keys from parents.which did, what i didnt expenct is her parents to come out screaminng shouting at me about me paying rent for flat etc. Thois was the 1st da ov our baby coming its the happiest day of our lives it felt spoilt. Im not a moneyaturey person and will make sure pay what ever alsong as there is roof over our head.i paid the rent as soon as moved in for whole flat for 6 months. I know why her parents done it its there little girl and they want to make she is all ok, i just think it could have been discussed few days later when we were all sorted. when the relationship started again it got back on track with parents but inway was till angry. i should have discussed my upset on what they did but i put it ov and me being very silly didnt go to fmaily meals coz it kept going round in head when saw them. very silly i know i should have been more grown up about it.

 

backs to me and luce the relationship was getting back on trek we showing ols signs of love and we had thi bundle of joy to have so much love too. duing 1st few months was difficult and i admit lucy did a lot more.she was a nautral mum she took to it so well. As dad i suppose iw as still in shoke i know have this gorgeous baby what do i do lol. i had only had to do stuff for myself for last 25 years. Iwa slearning each day

 

as say 1-4 months were great ok little rows nothing big just prob both very tired. Luce was on matenity and i was back at work after 1st 2 weeks. so tried to take inturns but luce would do majority. as ava got older 3-4 months i would do weekend feeds and lucy would do weekdays. i was still very scaed i didnt wanna bath ava coz i was scaed she would drown, i suppose i just felt do things wrong!

 

I loved my weekends coz it was my time with my family my time to play with ava.

 

May 09 one of my mates called on a hlliday away. I wish to this i never went. I have betiful little daughter why the do iwanna be going away with my mate. I did go and i missed thenm so much.

 

few weeks in coming back the rows were starting again the were petty and would esult in me going out. Trouble is i had little baby now unlike before. how selfish. why did i go coz i didnt wwnat to row. i would still get up with baby and play which i loved but prob with sore head. i would say on average we would have 2 massive rows a month. sometimes in that times i did neglect my resposibility and lucy would get up for the baby for me. i did help with baby but i know i could have helped a lot more.

 

from may 09 - sep 09 was like that but we would sort things trouble is there was no communication we wouldnt talk we need ed to speak about each others fault. i said we should se coucello but she refused, she said was my mums idea.

 

in july 09 we bought a house together. we had gone for other properties before but there alway had been prob so this was one. we took and morgage but not verbally agreed how much each of us was paying deposit. both both had cash so i just thought would be 50/50. anyway we came to the day of exchange in sept, lucy tells me she han't got all of her deposit, in which im talking over £10, 000.00. I did go angry it wsn't the fact she never had money it was the fact she left till exchange day to tell me. I said i didnt want nothing done till and agreement was drwn up. my money was coming from my dad inherintence so i was very scared and angry. i know what a dick i was and the only thing i should have thought was it was roof for ava-grace whichh is all the matters. i suppose in heat of moment i was so annoyed. we pulled out of house in end and separated.

 

Thats where we are today we split Oct09. i moved back with my mum in south and luce back to her mums noth of river. I knew i need to be near ava so i moved into a rented place near lucy. anything Ava or lucy wants i want to make sure im there can give to them.

 

Ava-Grace is my life she is all i live for from the moment i wake moment i sleep but so is Lucy. In the 2months we have split i have realised how much stupid irrespnsible and selfish i was.i love lucy from the bottom of my heart. Those two girl are my world and nothing else matters. im changing my life around being positive and making difference so I can be the best daddy there is on earth. i want her to say out loud this my daddy. I want the best relationship in world. I just to be there every step of way

 

At moment i see ava every sunday which i love its when im most happiest.

 

My changes will take time and i know things dont happpen over night, im just hoping it not to late for me and Lucy, coz more than anything in life all i want is that family, and know i had that 10 months ago i neglected that but never would ic ause that pain again

[GrayClouds]

It sounds like a very rocky 5 years. It seems like you need to spend some effort and time really figuring out what you want out of your life. A relationship with this much back and forth is not healthy or sustaining.

 

I would focus on yourself for a bit and your child. If your Ex has any intrest in getting back together you two need to find some couple counseling so you can break your patterns. If not then maybe you alone should go to help you break your patterns.

 

Sorry for your pain, I wish you well.