My relationship needs work...I have to fix it.

[tomtom20]

Ok, I need some help with my relationship.

 

Backstory: Me and my girlfriend have been together for quite a while, since March of 2007. Things were great and we really got to know and enjoy each other. Fast forward to August of '08 - I go off to college. I ended up cheating on her with an old girlfriend that I had dated for a very long time in high school. I can easily say that if God himself gave me the chance to change any decision in my life, it would be that horrible mistake. I did everything I could possibly do to win her back, even after she made it quite adamant that she would never take anyone back that cheated on her. I got her back and we both healed from that disaster.

 

Now fast forward to fall of '09. She moves to FL for a few months and I didn't go with her. She ended up talking to her ex and he got a little too comfortable and started pushing her to cheat. She said she would have sex with him, but never actually did.

 

Of course when I found out I was hit pretty hard. Endless hours of dragging myself to work and going through the workday dwelling upon my situation. She decided to stay with me - she says I am the perfect guy and her best friend, but it is hard for her to get aroused and in the mood for sex. What can I do to make things better sexually? We are so young...it doesn't make sense.

 

Also, I feel that this has taken the biggest toll on me mentally. Often times if I am not with her, I always have to play this game with myself where I second guess everything she does. I trust her, but if she doesn't say that she loves me in a text message, I think the worst and that maybe I am annoying to her. I feel like my insecurities have gotten the best of me and I need to recover. I feel like I'm over analyzing everything. I don't think it's anxiety, but maybe it is. I don't like how my life is right now and I want to fix it.

 

Please, anyone here with some helpful, empowering words, throw me a bone.

[meerkat stew]

Sorry you are going through this. Maybe since both of you have experienced similar feelings, you will both learn from your experiences and respect the relationship going forward.

[txsilkysmoothe]

I did everything I could possibly do to win her back, even after she made it quite adamant that she would never take anyone back that cheated on her. I got her back and we both healed from that disaster.

 

I don't think she "healed." I am a woman who could never be with someone who cheated on me. It's not that I am unwilling to forgive, it's that I cannot re-establish trust. I think your girlfriend is the same way. Not being interested in sex is her subconscious way of not bonding with you - minimizing how much she invests as a protection from future hurt.

 

She may have even thought if she cheated then she would be able to get over your cheating.

 

Sometimes in life you don't get a second chance. It's a hard lesson to learn.

[DiscoChick]

Ok, I need some help with my relationship.

 

Backstory: Me and my girlfriend have been together for quite a while, since March of 2007. Things were great and we really got to know and enjoy each other. Fast forward to August of '08 - I go off to college. I ended up cheating on her with an old girlfriend that I had dated for a very long time in high school. I can easily say that if God himself gave me the chance to change any decision in my life, it would be that horrible mistake. I did everything I could possibly do to win her back, even after she made it quite adamant that she would never take anyone back that cheated on her. I got her back and we both healed from that disaster.

Now fast forward to fall of '09. She moves to FL for a few months and I didn't go with her. She ended up talking to her ex and he got a little too comfortable and started pushing her to cheat. She said she would have sex with him, but never actually did.

 

Of course when I found out I was hit pretty hard. Endless hours of dragging myself to work and going through the workday dwelling upon my situation. She decided to stay with me - she says I am the perfect guy and her best friend, but it is hard for her to get aroused and in the mood for sex. What can I do to make things better sexually? We are so young...it doesn't make sense.

 

Also, I feel that this has taken the biggest toll on me mentally. Often times if I am not with her, I always have to play this game with myself where I second guess everything she does. I trust her, but if she doesn't say that she loves me in a text message, I think the worst and that maybe I am annoying to her. I feel like my insecurities have gotten the best of me and I need to recover. I feel like I'm over analyzing everything. I don't think it's anxiety, but maybe it is. I don't like how my life is right now and I want to fix it.

 

Please, anyone here with some helpful, empowering words, throw me a bone.

 

First off, I think your girlfriend hasn't moved on from you cheating on her. She is obviously bitter and wants to make you suffer. Why even say she would cheat on you if she had no intentions of doing it? You need to talk to her about the infidelity and lack of trust in your relationship. You said you are young, is this your way of saying you're ready to separate from her and try new things? Maybe you two should take a break and see where it goes.

 

There's a saying that is really true. "If you love someone let them go, and if they come back something or another.":o During your separation time, focus on making yourself a better person for yourself. Find out what you need and see if it truly is her. I know we can get pretty comfortable in relationships and lose sight of the fact that the compatibility has changed. This is why so many people I know that dated in high school broke up. People change. Talk to her.

[Ruby Slippers]

It sounds like the relationship died when you cheated.

 

Sometimes we have to lose someone/something to really learn a lesson.

[BG1985]

Why would you believe her when she said she didn't cheat?