rathdowne Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 How does one do it? My girlfriend (23) of one year has just been honest with me about her sexual history. She previously told me the figure was 20 (far too high in my opinion) but I found that the real number is almost 40 people. Roughly two thirds guys, the other third women. Four threesomes have been involved. All but a small number were one night stands, the last being after we met (with a random guy, unprotected, drunk in a public toilet in a bar), but before we started a "relationship". She says that her becoming gay has been a late transition. She came out as bisexual years ago, but claims to have been gay for the past 2-3 years, even though she has slept with at least 5/6 guys since then (and a whole bunch of girls). I find it so hard to accept that she is actually gay. She says that since the age of 19/20 she has never had sex with a guy sober and that she is filled with "regret and disgust", yet it continued to happen. She says that she can have sex and not feel anything in the past (before me) and didnt have an orgasm until she was 22 (she is now 23). She still has contact with quite a few of the people / facebook etc and even is friends with some people in person. We were even going to move in with one of the guys until I found out that they had previously had a sexual relationship. She wasn't going to tell me but decided to at the last minute. This isnt the first time she withheld from me that she had sexual histories with friends that I have met. She has not ever had an STD test (too scared) and of course now I am worried about my own health. I have given her an ultimatum of having a (FULL) test or I am leaving. I also want her/us to seek counselling as I think that is an important part of moving forward, however she doesnt think she has a problem (anymore). She is not out to her parents but is planning on telling her father next month. She does have a history of repeated voilence inflicted upon her as a child by her mother (her mother once broke a broom over her) so maybe this is part of the issue. What really annoys me is that even now she does not have the maturity to realise that she needs an STD test, rather saying she will do it because I want her to. Also, she does not think she needs counselling but will do it for me. I don't see how we can possibly move forward without a) a full std/aids test b) her talking to a professional about her past. The relationship otherwise is great, she has changed her ways with my positive influence but how the hell do I get over this and continue the relationship? Not just the visuals in my head but how do I regain trust?
Angel1111 Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 While she may be a nice person and have her own reasons for doing these things, this isn't something I'd be able to get past, if I were you. She apparently thinks that having sex with someone - anyone - is the answer to everything. What will happen when things get negative between the two of you, or you have a disagreement? I think you should be more selective and move on. Just let her know that this is too big of an obstacle for you to get past.
Recommended Posts