Problematics...

[victim_of_love]

I'll try to keep this as short and sweet as possible. My home-boy and I decided to accompany our female friends to the store. One of those females was my ex-girlfriend who I had not talk to in some time. A day before the other female friend informed me she was gonna be there over text to see if I was ok with it. I decided that maybe it was time we cut the silent treatment and work to be friends. So I told her, 'the more the merrier'.

 

Now after school, we head to the mall and we have a blast! We help the girls pick out clothes and buy it for them, we go out to eat, we crack jokes and just enjoy ourselves. My ex and I were even talking up a storm and enjoying each other's company, like we used to before we broke up.

 

After the mall, we decided to go to a random spot just to chill and talk for the rest of the day. It was a park behind a high school. Now as we got out the car and walked up to the park, we realized how cold it was. I started shivering and so did my other friends, but my ex was just walking like nothing was wrong. I found it funny and wanted to joke with her, so I said, "DUDE! You're an alien!" She did not hear me the first time and asked me to say it again, which I responded with "never mind" cause the moment was gone and it wouldn't have been funny. But it goes down hill from here. As we go to sit down, my friends and I sit with each other and my ex goes to sit at another table. I figured she was just irritated by my joke, or it just annoyed her. So we let her be and we started talking. Then suddenly.....my ex starts rocking in her seat and bursts out into tears. Both my friends go over to comfort her and I immediately felt extremely bad for her. I walked away and internally started beating myself up, thinking I said something that she took really hard; probably had something to do with a past bf or friend. I felt it would be best if I left and let them comfort her so I got my things and went home.

 

Now later on that night, I decided to text her with an apology saying sorry for calling her an "alien" and I really did not intend to hurt her, even though I did. Then she responds with, "Well if you would have told me what you said before, it wouldn't have gotten that far. I thought you said something else that really hurt me. And as long as I continue to think you said what I thought you said, we really can't be friends". I tried to reason with her and said, "Come on, it was a misunderstanding. Lets put it behind us and not dwell on it. Just think of all the fun we had instead! Lets not let something like that ruin our day" But she responded with, "I've made up my mind and I am not changing it. That's your fault for thinking you knew me as the girl who went out with you."

 

Now at this point, I'm pissed. I text her, "You know what? Screw it. If you are gonna be problematic about this and not resolve this, then I'm not gonna waste my time. So **** it. Be mad! I thought you were more mature than that" I literally stayed up beating myself up over this girl, feeling sorry for her, and when I go to apologize, she turns me down cold for something she THOUGHT I said. She did not even come to confirm me about it. Even though I told her what she thought I said was not what I said, she STILL chose to be mad at me and that is something i will not deal with. I don't like dealing with problematic people. I want to enjoy life hanging out with friends and other stuff without feeling sorry for people over a misunderstanding that could be resolved within the blink of an eye. So I'm just back to ghosting my ex like we were doing before the mall outing.

 

Now what I wanna know is - did I respond the correct way or was that the wrong way to handle it?

[Ronni_W]

Now what I wanna know is - did I respond the correct way or was that the wrong way to handle it?

You acted totally appropriately.

 

If somebody wants keep WRONG information in their head instead of replacing it with accurate information, then there's nothing you can do about it.

It's like her saying, "I don't care! I'm just going to continue to believe in the Tooth Fairy because that's what I used to believe in at some point." Obviously one can't reason with a mind like that, so I wouldn't even bother to try.

 

And your joke was not insulting or anything similar. It was funny (in context) and, it sounds like, you said it in a friendly manner...you would have said to ANY one of your friends who didn't feel the cold right then. It was totally in keeping with the spirit that the whole group had been enjoying since you'all got to the mall.

[Left in a Lurch]

She was mad at you for something that never happened. You were absolutely right.

 

If she texts you back, tell her you are mad at her for killing all those babies in China. Then say you know she did not kill any babies in China but you are still mad at her for it, and it is still her fault you are mad.

 

Maybe she'll understand how it feels to deal with an irrational person.