f560 Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 I met a girl whom I liked. At first, she was definitely interested. But for a variety of reasons (I got together with a friend of hers, and she also seemed to be pursuing someone else), I kept things friendly. Those events are now over, and I'm still interested. She is hard to get hold of. When I call her, though, she will reply in some way. She'll either pick up or (usually) send a text. And when I send her an e-mail, she'll also reply. One day, we had lunch, and talked about our shared interests. I had a good time. Recently, I asked her to have dinner with me (the first time I'd openly done this). She replied that she was busy during the week I suggested - but said I should call or e-mail her and she'd see. My question is this. I know she is generally busy, but I don't know whether this is a polite brush-off or not. I won't be crushed if she isn't interested, because I can start looking elsewhere. Also, I enjoy her company and I would like to maintain the friendship. I would like to demonstrate that I respect her boundaries. I'd like to say to her first that I'd like to go out to dinner with her. And second, if she's not interested, that I'd still like to spend time with her as friends. And I do mean this part. Would it be a bad idea to say this openly? My reasoning is that I don't enjoy it when girls I'm not interested in keep contacting me. I don't want to annoy her with texts and calls if she's not interested. I'll just stop. But I would like an honest, final answer. I guess I could get such an answer if I keep asking and she keeps postponing it, or she doesn't reply. But is there anything wrong in doing this outright?
counterman Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 Seriously, she can't be that busy as to not make time for you, if she was interested. Maybe, if you are up for it, ask her again but if she says she's busy again, say to her "maybe you can suggest a date then?", after that you'll get your answer. Have a little self-respect and stop asking her after that. If she gives an answer like "I'll let you know when I am not busy", then just move on and go out with other girls. Keep her purely as a friend.
boogieboy Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 (edited) Women like this wont give you a definite final answer. Shes either too afraid that you will keep trying if she tells you no, or she knows that if she tells you no that you will take your attention away. Sometimes they keep you hanging on to hope so they get attention and ego boost. But to answer your question, it was a brush off. Shes not interested. If she tells you shes busy and doesnt give an alternative day, then shes blowing you off. She wants to manipulate you, and doeesnt really like spending time with you, so your idea to be platonic with her wont do you any good. You dont want to be friends with a woman who cant tell you straight up that she isnt interested. Go find a girl that actually likes you, and dont give this one any more of your attention. she doesnt deserve it, and since she isnt attracted to you, she wont set you up with any of her friends either. Edited January 30, 2010 by boogieboy
Author f560 Posted January 30, 2010 Author Posted January 30, 2010 Thank you both. I think I will just leave this one be for the moment. I agree that if she could make time if she wanted - so I won't push the point.
h_man Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 Don't be pushy. Take it calm and then you can see where it takes you. Listen to your heart. If you feel that she's not that into you,she isn't. Keep her as a friend. When two people like each other they don't play idiotic games with each other. Open up your heart to other options. Good luck mate!
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