sparkey64 Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 Im separated, for a year and a half and have 2 teen aged kids, one living at home full time. Getting close to finalizing my divorce. There is this woman I have worked with for a couple years. With whom I have had a couple romantic episodes with... kissing but not a whole lot more and mostly after a few drinks. We have not really dated. I had my chance to close the deal a couple times, but the first time was when she had JUST broken up with her previous long term boyfriend and I told her I liked her for awhile but didn't just want to be a rebound (especially since we worked together) and left her high and dry. The second time was at a bar in our building where we stayed late drinking after work we work til 5... and around 9 PM, I'm in the womens bathroom necking her down on the counter at her invitation. Not to neck but I was definitely told to go in there with her. She left the bar, she waited for me outside, i followed her to her vehicle and she got upset (crying) and told me she wouldnt cheat on her now new boyfriend. And that I should leave her alone and we should just be friends. And she has told me she won't date guys from work, and has problems with me being separated with an ex still in the picture. So she is now living with a guy, So... I assumed she isn't interested with me and am in the friend zone. I took her out for lunch in late Nov, and our conversation got to the point where she told me she ended up with this guy on the rebound, and they quickly bought a house together that she can't get out of quickly. Big penalties. But things really changed after they bought the place and they do nothing together and rarely even sleep toghether???? More like roomates with benefits. She asked me to tell her to leave him. And I told her not to leave him for me but she needs to leave him for herself if thats the case. She has an 8 year old daughter and rent and houses are quite expensive in a decent part of town. I know thats no excuse. After she broke up with her ex, her and her daughter were living in a friends basement for 6 months. Cut to our office christmas party, as usual we end up hanging out together. its like gravity pulls us together. She invites the office to her place after the office party and me and a few others go. I thought it would be wierd and uncomfortable since her partner would be there. But i thought wtf, I wanted to meet him. I reluctantly went. I go to her place and she had had a few drinks. Three person sofa and just me alone in one corner and her b/f on a chair far end of the sofa beside it. She comes and sits beside me! after a minute, realizes her mistake and goes and sits on his lap. yikes. That was embarrassing! Her birthday a couple weeks ago she took the day off, I message her a happy birithday greeting and an hour later she shows up at work with her bf. They come by my cubicle and shes leaning on the wall right beside where im standing and her bf is accross the hall talking to us. Then today, we went for lunch. I told her to buy because she owes me, I bought last week. We are in line to order - its a bar and grill on campus. And Im standing there talking to others, and im kind of bouncing on my toes and heels, this thing I do sometimes. and looking around, and then I look at her and she is subconciously doing the same thing. I notice noone else is doing it. So I stop. She stops. I thought it was kind of wierd. Ive been putting a bit of a wall up lately and some distance between us. I think I made a big mistake, well several. Am I in the friend zone?really??????
FryFish Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 You are in the other man zone. edit: at least you would be if you wanted to be.
Author sparkey64 Posted January 30, 2010 Author Posted January 30, 2010 Ya other man zone. the night I walked her to her car, and she told me crying that she wanted to be friends, i told her that she needed to figure out what she wants. Couple problems. I really like her, but I also dont want her to cheat on the dude. Mostly cuz I know if she cheats, she is a cheater. Which means im the next chump. But then I really like her... Maybe Im just old fashioned. When I was younger, (Im 45 and was married for 18 years) ive thought back and most of my girlfriends had boyfriends when I first got with them. And then they left them for me, or because of me or left them because I was avail for a rebound fling. Maybe Im just dumb thinking that I will just find this great looking woman, im totally into who is single and doesn't have other guys hitting on her all the time. or a bf. Ive heard the old cliche that women generally won't leave until they have someone else lined up. Maybe there is truth to that, that none of us want to believe.
DiscoChick Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 Ive heard the old cliche that women generally won't leave until they have someone else lined up. Maybe there is truth to that, that none of us want to believe. Not true for every woman, but I know several that thing rings true for. My cousin just broke up with her current guy because her ex is finally getting out of jail!! It's stupid and disrespectful to the other person. I say left this woman go and find someone else worthy.
boogieboy Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 This has been a while since youve been flirtin with this woman, why havent you found someone else in the meantime? Stop waiting for her and make a concious effort to find a woman who is stable. Shes not worth your time, please dont wait for her.
Author sparkey64 Posted April 2, 2010 Author Posted April 2, 2010 So... 3 months later from my previous post, interesting spring... ive dated other women, and gone out with her a few times. We work together so its difficult to just cut and run. I remain friendly. But am still quite interested - stuck in the friend zone with her. She is still living with her b/f but has quit wearing his ring. a few weird things have happened can anyone explain them? 1. She asks me if im going for green beer on st Patrick day (a week before, I say sure). day arrives and she hasn't confirmed and when I ask her she says yes but wants to go to a different place. I call her and meet up, it ends up being with her parents, brother (who I hadnt met) and sister in law, who I had. Introduces me as her co-worker and gets some "ya right" looks from her family. 2. Out of the blue a week later on a saturday morning she phones me. She has NEVER called in the 2 years I have known her. It was 9:30 am and I never answered the phone. Checked it out later and when I realised it was her -5:30 pm, I called her back, she said she was just looking for directions. 3. I got my text working on my cell this week. So I text her back and forth a lot on Monday and Tuesday during the evening. wednesday at midnight (i chose to ignore her on wednesday) she texts me out of the blue and asks me if im "out and about". Im not, im in bed so I say so. Text her back and fort a few times, she says she fell asleep earlier and is now wide awake. but then she just stops. Nothing further even after I send her 3 or 4 more texts. including one where I tell her there is a cure for insomnea... :-p. Thursday at work she sort of ignores me and goes out after work with others, even tho I told her Id join her. and tried to text her a few times... weird chick indeed... a babe tho.
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