Gunn Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 Hey guys - 3 years ago my ex-girlfriend and I broke up. I really loved her, but the feelings obviously weren't mutual. For months and months I missed her and did every stupid trick in the book to get her back - and I didn't win Let's forget about her. Since then I haven't been in a single relationship. I'm so afraid of getting rejected again, that I don't consider this worth it. Of course that has to change. Just after my breakup (and the getting-over process), I started partying much more than I was used to. Me and my friends partied constantly but that has somewhat changed. All of them are not in committed relationships and all but one have a kid. This all resulting in me finding myself in clubs with younger 'friends' than before. I'm sick of all this partying, and I must reduce it! But that won't happen - unless I have something better to do. Still I'm afraid of it - What a dilemma! To give you an example. I met a girl in Europe last summer. She comes from a town that is approx 8 hours drive away from Boston, where I lived. We instantly clicked and were flirting constantly until we went seperate ways (after about 3 weeks). We kept contact through Facebook and AOL - but it kind of trailed off. I decided to move to Europe, in an 2 year internship project and had forgotten all about her. When I returned for the Christmas I met her at a club in Boston - total coincidence. We hung togerher the whole night; held each others hands and she gave me a kiss on the cheek - Can the signal be any clearer?? Well, I was constantly thinking about how it would never work out, her living where she lives and me living in Germany! I was scared of how it could hurt me if we would hook up and then I would go back to Germany and maybe not seeing her for the next year and a half! I just don't know what is wrong with me, or how to deal with it! Can you suggest anything. Any advices, articles or books will be appreciated. Thank you
Author Gunn Posted January 30, 2010 Author Posted January 30, 2010 That is not the problem. I've had no problems at all hooking up with girls when partying, but that is just what I'm trying to say. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of partying and sick of sleeping with random girls. At the same time, I don't seem to be able to take things any further. That's what is my problem
Ellezz Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 If you really like her, move back. It will never work out with you living in Germany. Otherwise you have to move on...
skydiveaddict Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 If you really like her, move back. It will never work out with you living in Germany. Otherwise you have to move on... I agree if you really like her and she likes you move back. you only get one shot in this life. You can always go/live where ever you want. that's easy. But finding the love of your life is not!
BG1985 Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 I disagree with this advice. I think it's a bad idea to give up a great opportunity for a girl that merely kissed you on the cheek. What happens if you give up this internship, move back to the US, and then find that she's no longer interested?
meerkat stew Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 Stop the partying. No one is making you do it. One of the only regrets in my life is all the time wasted partying when I was younger. Could have had more fun by cutting the partying down at least 50%. Would remember more of it. People come up to me to this day and want to talk about some crazy thing we did or some wild roadtrip, half the time I don't even remember what they are talking about, and sometimes I don't even remember them or their names. There's a happy medium, find yours.
lordWilhelm Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 "Sorry boss, this girl kissed me on the cheek in Boston and now I have to move back." Yeah, that's going to go down very well. I don't think it's such a bad thing you were afraid to take things further with this girl who lives in another continent. You were just telling yourself it would just be another hook-up and that's not what you're interested in. Why don't you look around where you are living in Germany right now? Just don't try looking around exclusively in some club.
paddington bear Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 You are so afraid of getting rejected that you have focused all your thoughts on this one girl, who seemed to not reject you...but no guarantee that she won't should you go back now or after your internship. If you've got a paralysing fear of being rejected that will ruin your dating life whether you're in Germany, China, France or America. That is your problem, not where you live, and not this particular girl, much as you like her. First thing is to somehow get over that fear of rejection. You've no problem picking up women for less serious things - did none of them, absolutely none of them cause you to have interest in seeing them beyond one night? Or were you interested, but did nothing because you were afraid of being rejected. Secondly, make some new friends, keep your younger party friends too, but make a concerted effort to do other things to meet new people, that isn't all about partying, that way you get invites to barbecues, house parties, dinner parties etc, where you can at least meet people and talk to them and be able to read their body language etc.
Recommended Posts