CaliforniaSunshine Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 Hi I really would appreciate everyone's help. My exbf and I dated for nearly 3 years--we met right after I got divorced---i was married for 10 years. I need time to regroup and wasnt always ready to commit fully to a relationship.I wasnt the best gf. He would treat me like a princess. For the last 3 years we talked daily on the phone--couldnt stop texting. We are best friends and I believe soul mates. He says I have a hold over him like no one else--and I agree. He had to take a job in another state---and we decided to be okay if we did casually date other people. Again, still talking daily, visiting each other etc. We really didnt date too many other people...always wasnt what either of us wanted. He would say bad things about her etc--that she was just someone to casually go to the bar with etc. I knew he had been dating a girl here and there--but finally in Nov. I told him I was ready to commit. I was ready for a long term relationship. He ended up loosing his job. He then tells me I waited to long and he asked this girl to marry him. he had some personal struggles going on. He told me a week later it was a mistake--he kinda got scared I would never commit. At that point he told me he was just going to get the ring back etc. He has no moved to another state from where the girl is at. We continue to talk and I am telling him more and more yes--everything is clear. I want to marry him (he asked, I said no) and ready to commit my life to him. He says yes, he will def. end this with the other girl. He never saw her anyway. I said okay. He leaves for the weekend---wants to tell her in person. Get the ring back. But he never calls. I find out he actually told her it was too soon to get marrried but he just wants the ring back--they AGREE TO KEEP DATING. So--I finally am so furious I contact her and tell her everything. He turned out to be such a liar (but I still love him more than anything). he promises her not to talk to me anymore but doesnt realize me and her are now comparing stories. Me and him have talked DAILY on the webcame and phone for hours. However, he refuses to see me. She didnt believe me so I recorded the skype convos and emailed them to her--him talking about her, telling me he loves me etc. I believe it is because we havent seen each other since Nov. Whenever we are together--it is pefect. The long distance killed us. I told him (after my week of acting like crazy stalker) I understand we are breaking up, he has moved on. I would like to say goodbye in person so I am flying in for 1-2 days to simply have closure and look him in the eyes. He says he needs space--but I feel that if I do a quick trip it will help. Then I will leave him alone--I swear. There is much more I am leaving out. I plan on flying in on Monday. Is this a good plan? yes--I want him back. He never cheated on me before--what we had was good.
Author CaliforniaSunshine Posted January 30, 2010 Author Posted January 30, 2010 No--I am actually real and really hurting. I have never been here before, but really need some advice. I am sorry my situation is sounds crazy--sometimes life is. When me and my bf are together it was fine. The long distance killed us. I really am in alot of pain and hurt. I need some advice.
DiscoChick Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 My advice would be to stop trying to contact him. Let him go. He hurt you, yes, but you're giving him the opportunities to do it again and again. If you do go see him, don't kill him. It would suck for you to go to jail over him. Just get your closure and go back home and move on. For your own sake.
randall Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 > I want to marry him (he asked, I said no) > He then tells me I waited to long and he asked this girl to marry him. > I finally am so furious I contact her and tell her everything. So basically you didn't want to marry him. Now that he's proposed to another girl you want to break them up. If aren't a troll you have serious issues. You need more help than what you can get from anonymous Internet advice.
Author CaliforniaSunshine Posted January 30, 2010 Author Posted January 30, 2010 I was married for 10 years and he asked me 6 months after I was divorced. I wasnt ready for that. I just told him not yet. We always continued to date. In Nov--when he told me, I had just seen him 2 weeks prior--and not a word was mentioned. He had lost his job, serious family problems (mom and dad on oxycontin and he is the oldest in the family)--I was busy with work and my daughter. He was 8 hours away--so he turned to someone else. My mistake. He told me he made a mistake 1 week later--he said he did not want to marry this person--I was the one he loved. She was immature etc. I was in no way trying to break them up--but in my head I didnt really consider it a relationship--since he said the engagement was off about 3 times and then he just had to get the ring back.
Author CaliforniaSunshine Posted January 30, 2010 Author Posted January 30, 2010 Thanks disco---i really plan on no fighting, arguments or bringing up the situation of this past Nov-Dec. What was done is done. I need closure and need to see him in person to lay it to rest. I will not contact him after. Yes--I am furious. I have never felt such rage and anger in my life towards someone. But I also never have had such passion for someone. Love is too complicated.
hoping2heal Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 Hi I really would appreciate everyone's help. My exbf and I dated for nearly 3 years--we met right after I got divorced---i was married for 10 years. I need time to regroup and wasnt always ready to commit fully to a relationship.I wasnt the best gf. He would treat me like a princess. For the last 3 years we talked daily on the phone--couldnt stop texting. We are best friends and I believe soul mates. He says I have a hold over him like no one else--and I agree. He had to take a job in another state---and we decided to be okay if we did casually date other people. Again, still talking daily, visiting each other etc. We really didnt date too many other people...always wasnt what either of us wanted. He would say bad things about her etc--that she was just someone to casually go to the bar with etc. I knew he had been dating a girl here and there--but finally in Nov. I told him I was ready to commit. I was ready for a long term relationship. He ended up loosing his job. He then tells me I waited to long and he asked this girl to marry him. he had some personal struggles going on. He told me a week later it was a mistake--he kinda got scared I would never commit. At that point he told me he was just going to get the ring back etc. He has no moved to another state from where the girl is at. We continue to talk and I am telling him more and more yes--everything is clear. I want to marry him (he asked, I said no) and ready to commit my life to him. He says yes, he will def. end this with the other girl. He never saw her anyway. I said okay. He leaves for the weekend---wants to tell her in person. Get the ring back. But he never calls. I find out he actually told her it was too soon to get marrried but he just wants the ring back--they AGREE TO KEEP DATING. So--I finally am so furious I contact her and tell her everything. He turned out to be such a liar (but I still love him more than anything). he promises her not to talk to me anymore but doesnt realize me and her are now comparing stories. Me and him have talked DAILY on the webcame and phone for hours. However, he refuses to see me. She didnt believe me so I recorded the skype convos and emailed them to her--him talking about her, telling me he loves me etc. I believe it is because we havent seen each other since Nov. Whenever we are together--it is pefect. The long distance killed us. I told him (after my week of acting like crazy stalker) I understand we are breaking up, he has moved on. I would like to say goodbye in person so I am flying in for 1-2 days to simply have closure and look him in the eyes. He says he needs space--but I feel that if I do a quick trip it will help. Then I will leave him alone--I swear. There is much more I am leaving out. I plan on flying in on Monday. Is this a good plan? yes--I want him back. He never cheated on me before--what we had was good. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm. You are STILL acting like a crazy stalker. Furthermore, are you THAT hard up for a boyfriend? We are talking to someone who lies to you after umpteen years, and is lying to another woman..and here you are chasing that around like some sort of valuable trophy? Good grief charlie brown! Not to mention..he obviously has SOME sort of attatchment or goods he's getting out of the other woman..because as you notice he hasn't left HER either. You are both getting played bigtime..and you wanna chase that? Like really? He tells you he wants to be left alone and you book a plane trip? Come on, they make cautionary tales for men about this kind of behavior..
txsilkysmoothe Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 Let it go! Whatever you had with him is gone. Everything may be fine while you are there but the minute you leave he will turn back to her. My god, he gave her a ring. Did he ever give you a ring? Stop making excuses and face facts. He isn't worth it!
norajane Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 The long distance killed us. See, this is where you are wrong and believing this is what is driving you to the crazy. He didn't turn into a lying, cheating ass because of the distance. THIS is who he is, and had he stayed, sooner or later, he would have started making "mistakes". Because people don't suddenly become lying, cheating asses just because they move. He's always been that guy, but was able to hide it from you for a little while. Let him go. You got involved when you were vulnerable from your divorce. And now you're so far gone that you can't see what is plain as day - he is with someone else in another state and is NOT the kind of guy you can have a future with. Let him go and open your eyes to the good men around you. Stop with the crazy.
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 For some reason, I have an image of a Mercedes going in circles....this guy's lifeless body on the ground.... I think this is a bad idea.
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