NC : Explain or Not?

[Sinensis]

So, I have been dating the human yo-yo, as I explained in an earlier post. I finally broke up with him, which I feel is definitely for the best, and I have been trying to hold myself to No Contact. All my friends seem to believe that trying to explain to him--even via text or e-mail--what I was doing and that I did not want to hear from him would only lead to a longer conversation and hurt me more, so thus far I just haven't been responding to his attempts to communicate with me.

 

Well, to be more exact, we were in touch for a few days, and then he became cold and defensive, which is when I stopped responding.

 

I feel guilty for not telling him what's happening. I'm afraid that it will drive him further away, so that we can never be friends again. And I wonder if I just told him what I needed, if he would stop contacting me and I wouldn't have to deal with this every week. It's been three weeks so far.

 

But I also know that I still love him and miss him very much, and the risk of me getting re-attached to him, despite his manipulations and inconstancy, is very, very high.

 

What should I do?

[Ronni_W]

the risk of me getting re-attached to him, despite his manipulations and inconstancy, is very, very high.

That right there is your reason for staying strict 'no contact' and NOT breaking it at all, no matter what excuse your brain can come up with . If he isn't 'hearing' in your silence that you want n/c, he's likely not going to hear it if you email, text or voice him your desire -- I'm suspecting you kind of already know that, yes?

 

I would suggest just staying n/c is your wisest option if you really want to get past the very, very high risk of being manipulated by him and getting re-attached to him.

 

OTOH. You say that you don't want to hear from him and yet you also express a fear of "never being friends again."

At this stage, you kinda have to choose one OR the other...unless you want to keep yourself in confusion and internal conflict. [because] Genuine friends DO hear from each other.

 

Maybe get yourself through this very, very high-risk period first...and then worry about figuring out if/how you guys can develop a new, platonic relationship?

[waterrat]

Run girl!! I read your original post....This is a no win situation. Black and White thinking (all is good or all is bad) no in between. Push/pull, sounds like a classic case of Cluster B type PD. Google it to see if it fits your experience.