klutzyduck Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 I am currently deployed in Iraq with my SO and lately he has been distant, uninterested and almost acts like its a bother to hang out with me, it didn't used to be like that . He is normally very reserved with his emotions. He says that since we had a mission change he is just stressed and is in a weird head space. I want to believe him but he has a tendency to slow fade with past relationships and is passive aggressive, avoiding all conflict, so he wouldn't tell me even if there was a problem. His last deployment he kinda just ignored the girl til she got the point which took quite a while. He also has cheated before (not on me). So I wonder if facebook interactions that he is having with girls (I have seen these) have interested him and that's why he is distant. I am bad at relationships and normally bail after 3 months because I am afraid of falling in love and getting hurt. It has been longer than 3 months and I wonder if I am just trying to see something wrong and tank the relationship like I always do. We have said I love yous and he seems to care---he just isn't as physical or cuddly as usual and it changed over a few days but has been going on for a couple weeks. He seems to just want to play his video game for hours. Today he asked to hang out then promptly fell asleep 20 min into a movie. I came back later to grab a book I'd left and he was playing his video game---it made me feel like he was pretending to be sleepy to get me leave. He says that wasn't the case but it sure seemed like it. I just don't get why he invites me if he doesn't want to hang out with me...it feels like he is just going through the actions that he feels he is supposed to. I told him I would be much happier and much less offended if he just said he'd rather do something else than hang out (and I really mean it, my feelings wouldn't be hurt). It doesn't help that I have tried to talk to him but he doesn't talk about his feelings so the thoughts just keep on circling in my head---I am a problem solver and an analyzer. Sound advice would be welcome. Oh we only have 2 more months left in Iraq and 3 weeks in the US after that (I am National Guard so I go back to my own life). I just don't want to hang in there during a difficult time if he really is over it---I am more than willing to work through it though if he is just stressed, I know I am too.
Match Factor Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 I was deployed to Iraq and stationed at Camp Victory. Though I was not deployed with my SO, I saw a few relationships go through some tough times over there. Being there is difficult under any situation. And I actually think going through it alone is easier than having an intimate partner. There could be thousands of things running through his mind. Will you be together when you return home? Will you lose interest? Will you find someone else? It is so difficult to be deployed together. Even the best relationships are tested. It is an insane environment. Where you together before deployment? Is he in your unit?
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