Vintage79 Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 I went out on a first date with a girl I met online yesterday - in her spiel online she blatantly called out that she is shy and reserved. We met at pub and stuck around for about 1.5 hours - she was giving me pretty decent eye contact, lots of laughing, flipping through her hair, leaning into the table (we were across the table from each other), and gave me a pretty warm hug at the end of the date. Things went pretty well, but just a hug and not much more contact was a bit of an alarm, but I'm not really use to the self proclaimed "shy and reserved" girls. She didn't seem conversationally shy, so what should I expect from this kind of situation? Are girls really shy and reserved, or is this just an excuse so she can say no, or too fast? I'm fairly certain I can get a second date out of her, but what can I reasonably expect from someone shy and reserved? I don't think I've ever dated one of those before. Link to post Share on other sites
amagordos Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 Shy girls just need more time to come out of their shells. You probably made her come out of her shell more, because she felt comfortable around you. Like me, im really shy and there are not a lot people that came make me feel comfortable so easily, but sometimes once in awhile comes a person that just makes me feel at ease instantly and my shyness goes away. Maybe you had that effect on her. Ask her out again, dont let the shy girl go. Shy girls also have a lot to offer, it just takes some time to get it out of them, but me being one, i know its worth it Link to post Share on other sites
DiscoChick Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 Shy girls also have a lot to offer, it just takes some time to get it out of them, but me being one, i know its worth it Awww shucks! Hahaha. I agree!!! I'm deathly shy, but start a conversation about something I really care about, and you got me. Based upon what you've said, I think you have a good chance with this girl. Just keep her interested and don't get creepy. I mean, don't overwhelm her. Link to post Share on other sites
Awesome Username Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 A lot of "shy" girls are actually seemingly outgoing on the outside. When outgoing girls say they're shy, it usually means they take a while to open up or be comfortable intimately with somebody. She seems like she likes you so far though! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vintage79 Posted January 30, 2010 Author Share Posted January 30, 2010 I generally felt that there was a reasonable connection - in particular if the "shy/reserved" comment is true. I just wonder if that statement is actually true. Can a girl be conversationally outgoing, but romantically shy? I ask, as I definitely didn't get the impression that she was conversationally shy. I'll give her another whirl - it definitely a good time, so I figure there's no harm done with doing it again, but am wondering if I'm setting myself up for a headache with the "shy" type, or if it's like a few of you mentioned, it can be selectively shy, and perhaps I drew her out a bit more than most. I'm not that confused, just trying to understand this type of girl, assuming her claims are true. For those of you who are shy - what's the best way to get the girl out of their shell and keep them out? Or I suppose, what works with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Zeegagge Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 I think I'm in love with a shy girl right now. I mean she doesn't know it yet or anything, but she's so just... cute. I can't resist. Always hides in the corner a little bit but, go over there and ask her about Native American spiritual teachings or Eastern Religion and she comes out real quick! Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 If she agrees to and shows up for that 2nd date, then you're in... Nuf said! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vintage79 Posted January 31, 2010 Author Share Posted January 31, 2010 Very true - that's always the ultimate litmus test. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 I am very shy. Shy women are harder to read. If she clams up or gets quiet in the future, don't assume she's not interested (unless you have really strong evidence). This is the biggest mistake guys make with shy women. They get inhibited or lose interest because they assume the girl isn't interested. If a shy girl goes on a second date with you or a first date if she already knows you somewhat, chances are she IS interested. Don't pay too much attention to her surface demeanor because chances are her true self won't come out until she gets to know you better. I can't stress enough that you shouldn't let yourself be more inhibited around her if she seems cool at first. Don't hesitate to kiss her. Don't pussyfoot. I hate this! Be your confident self and she'll like you. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 I generally felt that there was a reasonable connection - in particular if the "shy/reserved" comment is true. I just wonder if that statement is actually true. Can a girl be conversationally outgoing, but romantically shy? I ask, as I definitely didn't get the impression that she was conversationally shy. I'll give her another whirl - it definitely a good time, so I figure there's no harm done with doing it again, but am wondering if I'm setting myself up for a headache with the "shy" type, or if it's like a few of you mentioned, it can be selectively shy, and perhaps I drew her out a bit more than most. I'm not that confused, just trying to understand this type of girl, assuming her claims are true. For those of you who are shy - what's the best way to get the girl out of their shell and keep them out? Or I suppose, what works with you? Someone can seem outgoing on the surface but be nervous and shy inside. Don't be surprised if she becomes more shy a bit later in the courtship and then returns to being more outgoing and confident again. The reason is that as a shy person, she may be really pressuring herself to perform and impress you on the first couple of dates, pushing herself out of her comfort zone. On later dates, she may feel secure enough that you like her to not try as hard but not comfortable enough to be completely open yet. So it may seem that she gets more reserved for a time, but it should be only temporary. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vintage79 Posted January 31, 2010 Author Share Posted January 31, 2010 That's good to know. I'm guessing, though, that if she honestly becomes more reserved after a few dates, I'll stop seeing her. It's just my gut impression. It may not work out that way, but if she seems less interested after a few dates, it would be hard to convince myself to see her again. For a shy/reserved girl, would more contact or less contact be better? I'm guessing more, so she starts to becom comfortable sooner rather than later, but maybe you have some insight into this. Moreover, e-mail or phone contact between dates? Sometimes shy people hate the phone, so offloading that pressure may be beneficial - or not...just trying to learn the lay of the land. Link to post Share on other sites
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