e.clipse Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 err, i got so caught up this morning reading posts (and actually doing some work. gasp! ), that i completely forgot to post this: tomorrow night i am going on a date with this guy i met. he is pretty cool; i really like his personality and sense of humor. he is 27, 5'8" (oh noes, a short guy got a date!!! ), and seems to be a genuinely nice guy. he is a full-time musician, which i think is really cool. he is not looking for anything serious right now, though, as he just got out of a LTR a few months back, which is fine as you all know how fast i move with guys. anyway, anyway, to the important questions: what should i wear?! i don't know if i should wear a skirt or pants...if i should let my hair down or wear a ponytail...ororororor... (Art is right; there is tons of preparation we put in in advance of that scary first date.) i am going to his house to play videogames, which is a bit...weird...maybe, i don't know. so, what do you think? should i talk as little as possible in effort to not be my oh, so awkward self?
alphamale Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 what should i wear?! wear something slutty, guys like that
Pizzaman81 Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 err, i got so caught up this morning reading posts (and actually doing some work. gasp! ), that i completely forgot to post this: tomorrow night i am going on a date with this guy i met. he is pretty cool; i really like his personality and sense of humor. he is 27, 5'8" (oh noes, a short guy got a date!!! ), and seems to be a genuinely nice guy. he is a full-time musician, which i think is really cool. he is not looking for anything serious right now, though, as he just got out of a LTR a few months back, which is fine as you all know how fast i move with guys. anyway, anyway, to the important questions: what should i wear?! i don't know if i should wear a skirt or pants...if i should let my hair down or wear a ponytail...ororororor... (Art is right; there is tons of preparation we put in in advance of that scary first date.) i am going to his house to play videogames, which is a bit...weird...maybe, i don't know. so, what do you think? should i talk as little as possible in effort to not be my oh, so awkward self? The guy is 27... and your first date is to go to his house to play videogames? That is kind of weird. Uh, dress casually then... Just enjoy the games and don't put the vibrating controller too close to yourself.
deux ex machina Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 ...so, what do you think? should i talk as little as possible in effort to not be my oh, so awkward self? Absolutely not. Don't feel like you can't express yourself freely. Just be you, relax, be yourself. To play videogames? Wear an outfit that makes you feel comfortable - one you don't have to tug and pull at, ect. (we all know those outfits). If you do that, there's one less thing to feel awkward about. What's really helpful is to be as comfortable as possible with you...that way you can focus on the having a nice time and getting to know eachother. The key thing to remember is to try to relax as much as possible - you will be fine, no matter what happens. Have a good time!
You'reasian Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 err, i got so caught up this morning reading posts (and actually doing some work. gasp! ), that i completely forgot to post this: tomorrow night i am going on a date with this guy i met. he is pretty cool; i really like his personality and sense of humor. he is 27, 5'8" (oh noes, a short guy got a date!!! ), and seems to be a genuinely nice guy. he is a full-time musician, which i think is really cool. he is not looking for anything serious right now, though, as he just got out of a LTR a few months back, which is fine as you all know how fast i move with guys. anyway, anyway, to the important questions: what should i wear?! i don't know if i should wear a skirt or pants...if i should let my hair down or wear a ponytail...ororororor... (Art is right; there is tons of preparation we put in in advance of that scary first date.) i am going to his house to play videogames, which is a bit...weird...maybe, i don't know. so, what do you think? should i talk as little as possible in effort to not be my oh, so awkward self? Be your oh-so akward self - atleast a little so he can see the true you. As far as what you wear? Sexy of course:cool:
carhill Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 My vote would be for casual clothes which flatter your figure. Levi's, a nice top, some tasteful flats and minimal jewelry and makeup would be my suggestion. Stick to your comfort zone but put yourself out a bit. Good luck and enjoy the date!
alphamale Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 My vote would be for casual clothes which flatter your figure. Levi's, a nice top, some tasteful flats and minimal jewelry and makeup would be my suggestion. that ensemble won't get his mind off video games
Meaplus3 Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 e.clipse, Just be your natural sweet self and you will do fine. I think talking is good. It shows you have things to say to keep your dates full attention. Good luck.. and have fun. Mea:)
carhill Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 that ensemble won't get his mind off video games Indeed, though I did note the OP's location before formulating my response. If my experiences with Italian men (in Italy) have been any indicator, a special outfit isn't required
Author e.clipse Posted January 29, 2010 Author Posted January 29, 2010 The guy is 27... and your first date is to go to his house to play videogames? That is kind of weird. well, yea, i guess it is kinda weird. however, i like that it is casual. but then...i'm not sure how i feel about being in his bedroom. is this bad? i don't want to give the wrong impression... i am already mega-chickening out. My vote would be for casual clothes which flatter your figure. aww, thanks! i wish i could do that, but i am extremely self-conscious about my weight. i have a small tummy problem, which is probably me just being crazy, but i am embarrassed of my thighs/bum because i feel they are too big. gah, i don't know if i'm just psyching myself out because i'm nervous or what... but thanks for your suggestions everyone! i guess the consensus is to be normal.
Pyro Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 well, yea, i guess it is kinda weird. however, i like that it is casual. but then...i'm not sure how i feel about being in his bedroom. is this bad? i don't want to give the wrong impression... i am already mega-chickening out. video games in his bedroom on a first date? Not sure what your intentions are but I have a feeling he is only trying to get a piece from you. Does he have a TV in his living room? Have him hook up the video game system out there. Agrreing to go to his bedroom on a first date may give him the idea that you aren't there for video games..... Hopefully I am wrong.
Author e.clipse Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 I have a feeling he is only trying to get a piece from you. winner, winner. gah, this is making me cry.
Citizen Erased Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 winner, winner. gah, this is making me cry. What happened sweetie?
Pyro Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 winner, winner. gah, this is making me cry. oh no:( If you want to talk about it you know how to get a hold of me.
Author e.clipse Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 (edited) i went over to his house last night. he took me out for a drive to show me around his city and then to dinner. i was kind of quiet, like always, but he kept trying to make conversation with me. i thought he was being very nice. after a while, i got comfortable and started to tell him a good deal about myself, which felt strange, but good at the same time. after dinner, we went for a walk around the plaza. i was cold, so he gave me his jacket. he also bought me a candy, because i had told him from before i liked that type of candy in particular. nice, right? then we went to get some SoCo, because i didn't feel like going to a bar. we went back to his place and he said, "i'll hook the system up here. i don't want to scare you or anything." still nice, right? so we were playing and having some drinks. i was actually having a lot of fun. then for some reason, he started to tell me that i am "so hot" and that, though he is not looking for a relationship, he wanted to kiss me. so, he kissed me. but then he started getting all touchy-feely and i got uncomfortable, so he said, "don't get scared, don't get scared. i'll take good care of you," and he went on to say how pretty i was and how blah blah blah...and he, straight out, just said: "i really want to **** you. since the first time i saw you, i can't stop thinking about it." i was so horrified. so i grabbed my tote and just left. he went after me, and i could hear him apologizing, but i didn't look back because i was crying. when i got home, i just went straight to sleep. i didn't want to think about it. talk about a huge disillusionment. today, when i woke up, i still tried to not think about it, so i started to clean and look for my iPod's usb charger. when doing so, i accidentally stumbled on the box my cell phone came in. i wondered why i still had it, so i opened it, only to find two little paper milk cartons pp made for me two years ago, one with his photo and the other with mine, based on Blur's "Coffee and TV" song, which i love. then i just started to cry. cry because i really wonder if anyone will ever like me for me, not for what i look like, other than pp. i know you guys will say yes, but right now i just feel like such ****. like i'm worth nothing more than sex. Edited January 31, 2010 by e.clipse
Pyro Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 i went over to his house last night. he took me out for a drive to show me around his city and then to dinner. i was kind of quiet, like always, but he kept trying to make conversation with me. i thought he was being very nice. after a while, i got comfortable and started to tell him a good deal about myself, which felt strange, but good at the same time. after dinner, we went for a walk around the plaza. i was cold, so he gave me his jacket. he also bought me a candy, because i had told him from before i liked that type of candy in particular. nice, right? then we went to get some SoCo, because i didn't feel like going to a bar. we went back to his place and he said, "i'll hook the system up here. i don't want to scare you or anything." still nice, right? so we were playing and having some drinks. i was actually having a lot of fun. then for some reason, he started to tell me that i am "so hot" and that, though he is not looking for a relationship, he wanted to kiss me. so, he kissed me. but then he started getting all touchy-feely and i got uncomfortable, so he said, "don't get scared, don't get scared. i'll take good care of you," and he went on to say how pretty i was and how blah blah blah...and he, straight out, just said: "i really want to **** you. since the first time i saw you, i can't stop thinking about it." i was so horrified. so i grabbed my tote and just left. he went after me, and i could hear him apologizing, but i didn't look back because i was crying. when i got home, i just went straight to sleep. i didn't want to think about it. talk about a huge disillusionment. today, when i woke up, i still tried to not think about it, so i started to clean and look for my iPod's usb charger. when doing so, i accidentally stumbled on the box my cell phone came in. i wondered why i still had it, so i opened it, only to find two little paper milk cartons pp made for me two years ago, one with his photo and the other with mine, based on Blur's "Coffee and TV" song, which i love. then i just started to cry. cry because i really wonder if anyone will ever like me for me, not for what i look like, other than pp. i know you guys will say yes, but right now i just feel like such ****. like i'm worth nothing more than sex. Its part of life. Millions of guys out there and a good percentage of them are out there for just that. You have so much going for you and sometimes these things take time. Look at me for example. I am 28 going to be 29 in July and it took me this long to find a good match. Just like me you just have to keep trying, simple as that.
Citizen Erased Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 then i just started to cry. cry because i really wonder if anyone will ever like me for me, not for what i look like, other than pp. i know you guys will say yes, but right now i just feel like such ****. like i'm worth nothing more than sex. It's no wonder you feel this way, the guy was a jerk plain and simple. Think of all of the people out there that find someone that is their right match, there is nothing about you that would suggest you won't find yours. You're cute and sweet and smart, guys are going to want you. I for one am confident you will find one that will love you for you.
meerkat stew Posted February 1, 2010 Posted February 1, 2010 If you go to a 20 something man's bedroom on a first date, if he's normal, there's a real high chance he is going to try to have sex with you. If you don't like that idea, don't go to his house and into his bedroom on the first date. Sounds like you have learned this though. Next thing is to not let a man's natural sexual pursuit of you affect your self-esteem. It sounds as if you are maneuvering yourself into the corner that whenever a man hits on you, instead of feeling happy and appreciative, you are feeling low self-worth. This attitude leads down a bad road over time, that will just reinforce low self esteem over and over. Men want a woman sexually first as a matter of course, doesn't mean he doesn't like you just because you are both sexual creatures. If a man gets grabby with you, put the brakes on him and tell him you aren't into casual sex, don't run away crying unless he was being really gross or threatening. His declaration of wanting to get with you was hamhanded and rude, but not uncommon or really offensive without more info. Is there more info? Most men, self included, make the moves and let the woman regulate the pace. If this dynamic is offensive to you, you should only accept early dates where there is less chance of opportunity for him to make sexual moves. This guy was probably too turned off by your running out, but next go-round, just deflect physical passes and tell them sex is not on the table at all yet, rather than running off hysterically. I don't understand people putting this guy in the perv camp. He got a woman he was interested in in his bedroom and tried to hit it. Nothing particularly pervy or odd about that without more info.
Storyrider Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 Hey... He was crude and doesn't know how to act / speak with a woman. How old is he? He was thinking with his d*ck, that's all, and didn't have enough patience to take his time. It doesn't say anything about you. He's just young. He blew it. Now he'll learn.
gypsy_nicky Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 If you go to a 20 something man's bedroom on a first date, if he's normal, there's a real high chance he is going to try to have sex with you. If you don't like that idea, don't go to his house and into his bedroom on the first date. Sounds like you have learned this though. Next thing is to not let a man's natural sexual pursuit of you affect your self-esteem. It sounds as if you are maneuvering yourself into the corner that whenever a man hits on you, instead of feeling happy and appreciative, you are feeling low self-worth. This attitude leads down a bad road over time, that will just reinforce low self esteem over and over. Men want a woman sexually first as a matter of course, doesn't mean he doesn't like you just because you are both sexual creatures. If a man gets grabby with you, put the brakes on him and tell him you aren't into casual sex, don't run away crying unless he was being really gross or threatening. His declaration of wanting to get with you was hamhanded and rude, but not uncommon or really offensive without more info. Is there more info? Most men, self included, make the moves and let the woman regulate the pace. If this dynamic is offensive to you, you should only accept early dates where there is less chance of opportunity for him to make sexual moves. This guy was probably too turned off by your running out, but next go-round, just deflect physical passes and tell them sex is not on the table at all yet, rather than running off hysterically. I don't understand people putting this guy in the perv camp. He got a woman he was interested in in his bedroom and tried to hit it. Nothing particularly pervy or odd about that without more info. that's why your single and old >>>creepy.
meerkat stew Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 that's why your single and old >>>creepy. Single by choice, admittedly old, probably do seem creepy to chumps who are ashamed of their sexuality.
carhill Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 OP, sorry you got creeped out by the guy.... Reviewing, you said you tended to 'move fast' with men (I'm unclear what that means) and this guy is a 'musician' (perhaps involving some sort of stereotypical behaviors, IDK) and the encounter in his private space turned out badly for you. I think there's some great information in that experience. At your age, men will invariably be attracted to you because of what you look like. That's the way of the world. What you do with that dynamic is completely up to you. I hope this experience helps you with those choices. Best wishes
Ariadne Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 "i really want to **** you. since the first time i saw you, i can't stop thinking about it." I would take that as a compliment actually. Too bad about the not wanting a relationship though.
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