Jdw_Icequeen Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 Here is my story... Maybe it will help someone.. If you have any questions feel free to ask.. March 29th 2009.. My husband told me he wanted a divorce.. We hade been fighting alot and honestly I saw it coming. He cheated on me twice.. First time I forgave him.. He continued going out drinking coming home sometimes not until the next day.. I was pregnant but decided to leave him.. I was hoping he would change want me back and we would be happy. Being pregnant and emotional I wanted him back and called alot tried to get him to realize he was throwing away his family. Eventually we got back together. After the fact we got into a new house. Things seemed to be looking up, until I found out the people he was staying with was his gf.. A girl that he had said he was just living with, he also lived with a male roomate and said the girl and his roomate were dating eachother.. I wanted to beleive him so I did. In my heart I knew somthing was wrong but the overwhelming emotion of loving him, wanting to beleive him and wanting my family back took over. I called the girl a few months after getting back together. I found they had been dating and in a "relationship".. My first reaction? I packed him up and when he got him I told him get the hell out. He came back a few days later and explained everything to me and told me all about her. I thought god, things were getting better. We just had a baby.. So agin I stayed with him. Who is the idiot in this picture so far? Unfortunatly its me. Still having the gut feeling that in the future he would do this agin and eventually leave me, I stayed. Things got worse agin.. We fight alot, he stays 3 weeks, 4 hours away for work and comes home for a week. I still loved him but we definetly drifted apart. I didn't trust him. Infact most of me just hated him no matter how much I tried to forgive him, he disgusted me.. Even now what hurts me, is the fact I feel so stupid for staying with him and wanting to be with him. So March 29th was the end.. 10 months ago he says he wants a divorce I say fine F U!! Yes.. I was very upset and thought jeez! After all you put me through now this. I knew it was coming. 3 weeks later he comes to see his kids. I had to know why the sudden break up. So yes playing detective as I have done in the past I stole his phone.. The girl in his txt messages was saying she loved him and missed him and to come back.. She couldn't take this anymore.. GRRRRRRRR!! Furious anger swept over me as I ran down the stairs screaming not being able to control myself I turned into crazy chick! Flipped the coffee table over, he wakes up in a panic just in time for me to jump on him and smack him a few good times.. No I don't reccomend violence.. I plead temporary insanity!! Of course overwhelmed with greif and hatred but yet I still loved him. I made the mistake of letting him come back to see the kids but let him stay the night a few nights and yes things happend between us. For me that was me proving he didn't love this girl.. Which I knew he didn't.. He tells me they wern't together before he asked me for a divorce.. I call BS! We played childish games for a while calling and making fun of eachother.. I tried the NC on several occassions. I was a horrible failure. My favorite thing to do was to make fun of the skank. Who still lived with her husband. Who apparently cheated on her and was only living there to keep the family together.. What a classy women. Your man cheats on you so start dating a married man that is cheating on his wife.. I went through some horrible ups and downs. I have 4 children 2 from a previous marriage which I ended.. I cried alot I was depressed alot I had to put a happy face on for my babies. I was a stay at home mother on the edge of eviciton. Could barley feed my kids. Did the ex care? No. So I got some help. Went to food banks looked for work studied for my GED things like that. I reached out to anyone I could reach out to, friends on the internet, friends in real life just to talk too. I wrote him a goodbye letter that I never shared with him. I found his favorite shirt he left behind. I read the letter burned his shirt and the letter together. I did whatever I could to let him go.. I came here alot asking for advice and reading stories, I did evertyhing I could to keep me sane and not so lonley.
Author Jdw_Icequeen Posted January 29, 2010 Author Posted January 29, 2010 Then I took the big plundge. I filed for divorce. It sucked I had no money. I went to volunteer lawyers that helped with everything and didn't have to pay a dime. 3 months had gone by even though I was on the edge of sanity eviction and starving. I pushed on. I cried in the shower, I took time to meditate, just clearing my mind so I didn't constantly dwell on hurt, hatred and lonliness. I took naps. Instead of taking showers every other day I did it everyday somtimes twice a day because it was refreshing. I got out and walked to the park with my kids trying to get atleast 20 mins of sunlight and fresh air a day.. I did what I had to do for ME! If I didn't take care of me I could never have takin care of my kids. I wanted to burry my head in a hole and die. 4 months in I began feeling much better. I wanted new friends. I signed up for free friendship sites that also doubled as dating sites. I wanted male friends. Not for sex and not for a relationship. By this time my depression had lost me 40 pounds. I felt great I looked great. I told myself constantly I don't deserve to be treated like trash but like a queen. I will never settle for anything less agin. I spoke to alot of guys who were just friends went out with them just to hang out. NOTHING SEXUAL!! They all knew up front I don't want a relationship I'm not even divorced. I had 4 kids and didn't think I would ever find a guy I liked or fall in love agin. Yet I didn't care I didn't need a man to be happy. Contact from the hubby was still there but I avoided him as much as possible. He showed alot of jealousy about me going out and having guys around me. They were just friends. I wasn't going to slut around like him and jump into somthing else. Then I met a great guy even though I didn't want a relationship. We dated and he wanted a label so I decided to go for it. Sure many will say don't do that when your not even divorced!! But guess what it's my life.. We have been together 6 months now and are vey happy. He is nothing like my past 2 relationships. He is truly a wonderful guy. It's not that I am reccomending anything for anyone. My point here is. I surrvived. Everyday that I lived my life I was one step closer to feeling better. I knew I could get over my soon to be ex. Thats what I truly wanted. He now refuses to sign divorce papers. Says he is still in love with me and wants to keep me. That's just annoying. A few days ago he was served the papers which now because he wouldn't sign willingly and had to be served he has to pay a fee for. If he wasn't served the papers, I wouldn't beable to file for childsupport. The court had to know that he knew. Since he refused to sign them that was the last option. I expect a court date anyday now. Even if he dosn't show I will get my divorce and child support. Atleast I didn't have to wait for publication in the newpaper. Him and his gf broke up a few months ago. I saw that coming a mile away. He says he dosen't want me back wants me to be happy. but dosen't want a divorce? He won't tell me his exact feelings because he dosen't want me to tell my bf! WUSSY!! I had a bad feeling this would happen and was afraid if it did I would cave and want him back. Until I realized I deserved better. no amount of begging me not to get a divorce is going to change my mind. I'm happy now. That very sad angry person 10 months ago is not me anymore. I understand her feelings but she and I have nothing in common. I truly beleive everything happens for a reason. He will never change and I only hope he can be there for his kids. He now gives me money willingly. He is doing everything to be a better father which is great. I forgive him for his mistakes. Not that he is a good person but in the village idiot sort of way. For myself and for my children I let the hate in me for him subside. He coems to see his kids spends time with him and I let him come down and join us for holidays. I am a new person. I have a new happier life. I survived. The words that always kept going through my head were great advice I got from a blog about breakups.. If you beleive you can do it you can.. If you beleive you can't do it you can't.. Either way you were right.
imagine Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 You are right! Dating a boyfriend while married is not a good idea. Can he wait until you are free? Divorce is a deliberately slow process so that no errors are made. I would support your decision to continue your divorce (Who wants to be a back-up wife anyway?) Please continue to read the articles here at MB. Integrity to your marriage is vital. Prepare a solid groundwork.
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