McGrupp Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 an interesting thought brought on by this quote: Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. -- Sydney J. Harris its very intriguing to me to hear any stories of you regretting not trying something; anything... and i know what ill get as far as NC is meant to heal, why do you want to be with someone that doesnt want you...etc. ive heard it all, but what im looking for is something in your past when you wish you tried or did anything relating to relationships. even though you dont know what that thing is. sorry if this is confusing but im looking for older inputs mostly, people that have been through multiple relationships perhaps, and were on both sides of the dumpee/dumper paradigm with some sort of regret regarding posr breakup reaching out. most will probably regret acting like a fool, but i wonder if anyone still thinks they shouldve done...more
sean1970 Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 Regret not being myself more often. That doing so would show something(s) that would turn them off or something...
CleverName Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 (edited) Maybe you need someone to tell you a good story to help you feel better. I think you can drive yourself crazy with 'what ifs'. I have been gritting my teeth holding on to my belief that it is best to not contact the recently-departed object of my affection. But every time I make an excuse for myself that would 'allow' me to contact him, I know deep inside that it is just another excuse. He knows how I feel, he knows where I am, he said "It's Over". Sure, I get to thinking that maybe he just needs me to reach out. And then I laugh at myself. And I think of how humiliating it would be to have him politely humor my lapse in judgement. And I know that if nothing else I have my dignity and that is no small thing. L. Edited January 29, 2010 by CleverName
alphamale Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 i contacted a few girls that i dumped but never heard anything from them...i shouldn't have done that
silic0ntoad Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 Breaking NC does nothing but break your healing process. What do I regret? Nothing. I held on to the bitter end. I am playing my part to make myself a better partner for a better person in the future. So, I live on without the what ifs. It's her that will live with those what ifs, not me.
Silver_star Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 If you spend too much thinking about that it will drive you crazy. Its best to go with ur initial feelings, and remember that something wasnt "meant to be". Sure, we create our own destiny so to speak, with the decisions we make, and because of those decision its our own nature to wonder what woulda happened if we chose the other path instead. I remember having dated a really great guy, he was great in all ways except there was no spark of chemistry and i wasnt ready for dating..so i broke up with him and he was very upset. I tried to be his friend but he was standoffish and i realized he needed space from me to get over it. We never spoke since. I sometimes wonder how hes doing, and what if i woulda stuck around would i still be with him and how would my life be...but to be honest i still know i made decisions for a damn good reason and with the best intentions and if things are "meant to be" with an individual from ur past then you will cross their paths again in life and take it from there.
ginyi1111 Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 Well i sorta regret that i didnt dump him in the beginning when I wanted to because I fell for his words and in the end I got dumped...probably one of my biggest regret considering the amount of pain that I'm in, I could have saved myself a lot of tears. Post being-dumped I sorta regret that I didnt even call him to 'try' to make him how much he means to me...not even worse. I sent some emotional texts and thats about it but at times I wish I had not let pride get in my way in telling the person that I love how much I love him even after he dumped me...
Author McGrupp Posted January 29, 2010 Author Posted January 29, 2010 but at times I wish I had not let pride get in my way in telling the person that I love how much I love him even after he dumped me... im not familiar with your story, but couldnt you still?
ginyi1111 Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 im not familiar with your story, but couldnt you still? Met my ex when he came to my company on a project, we lived together for 6 months before he had to go home after his project ended. We did long distance for 6 months (2 2-week visits in that 6 months) and we last saw each other last Nov when he flew over for my birthday. Dumped me 2 days after he went home saying he couldnt deal with the distance anymore. Difference with him is he is the one doing strict NC. He didnt reply my texts and my emails, I didnt try calling him though. But I sorta feel pathetic trying to reach out to him all the time when he didnt even bother to reply my texts....he just dropped off the face of the Earth. IMO the thing is with dumpees keep telling the dumper how much they love them is sort of like an emotional blackmail, as if telling them they will never find someone that will love them more. He knows I love him but he still decide to dump me anyway so why should I keep on harping on the fact that I would love him til he gets fat ,old, bald and cant wipe his own ass???
within2 Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 (edited) ................................................. Edited January 30, 2010 by within2
twinklecat Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 Well i sorta regret that i didnt dump him in the beginning when I wanted to because I fell for his words and in the end I got dumped...probably one of my biggest regret considering the amount of pain that I'm in, I could have saved myself a lot of tears. Post being-dumped I sorta regret that I didnt even call him to 'try' to make him how much he means to me...not even worse. I sent some emotional texts and thats about it but at times I wish I had not let pride get in my way in telling the person that I love how much I love him even after he dumped me... I can relate, although I dumped my ex first time around, I fell for his words, took him back and fell alot harder, and then he dumped me. But I really don't wanna regret or think about the what ifs. We did have some good moments, and this has taught me alot of lessons. It really just wasn't meant to be, I deserve better.
DiscoChick Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 I can relate, although I dumped my ex first time around, I fell for his words, took him back and fell alot harder, and then he dumped me. But I really don't wanna regret or think about the what ifs. We did have some good moments, and this has taught me alot of lessons. It really just wasn't meant to be, I deserve better. Wow...try three times. He broke up with me three times. THREE!! Loved that guy to death. I broke contact with him after each time, but he contacted me after the first time. I contacted him after the second and third times. Breaking up didn't suck so much after the first time. I think I turned into a robot at some point and time. That relationship taught me a lot and I don't regret it one bit.
twinklecat Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 Wow...try three times. He broke up with me three times. THREE!! Loved that guy to death. I broke contact with him after each time, but he contacted me after the first time. I contacted him after the second and third times. Breaking up didn't suck so much after the first time. I think I turned into a robot at some point and time. That relationship taught me a lot and I don't regret it one bit. Wow! I'm really glad you can smile about it, still not fully there yet, but I'm sure I will be one day!
DiscoChick Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 Wow! I'm really glad you can smile about it, still not fully there yet, but I'm sure I will be one day! Yes, you will. I used my love to strengthen me. I know my experience was not a mistake and I know love is a beautiful thing. You'll realize it sooner rather than later.
ginyi1111 Posted February 2, 2010 Posted February 2, 2010 i still kinda regret sticking to NC to salvage my pride....if let it be, i would wanna call and beg and plead and cry in front of him to let him know how much i am hurting....
curiousnycgirl Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 I don't know if I regret sticking to NC but I do wonder - perhaps he is sticking to it too. I know that he pushed me to end it, I know that he has probably had another woman for quite some time, I know that he treated me like he hated me. There are lots of bad things I know( that was just scrathcing the surface) - but OMG what if he misses me and realizes he made a mistake? What if he's just following the same rules I am, and perhaps we will miss an opportunity to fix things? Yup my emotional side is full of what ifs - so I must stick with my rational side and maintain NC - the emotional side however controls the really annoying leaky eye thing. Wonder when that will end? Today is 9 weeks since we last spoke, I know I'm doing better, but I am still in a world of hurt
malc Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 i still kinda regret sticking to NC to salvage my pride....if let it be, i would wanna call and beg and plead and cry in front of him to let him know how much i am hurting.... I feel this way too, I would not do the crying and begging, but Im hurting so bad that I want answers, I want to go to Germany so badly, turn up on her doorstep and get from her own words why she did this to me. I am an up and down rollercoaster of emotions at the moment, yesterday I hated her for what she did to me, now today, I want her right next to me and I feel that heartache for her and feel I could still forgive her if she came back to me - which is never going to be the case. But now I have initiated NC, I will have to stick to it, how hard as it is, as I know she does not want me, her actions are clear, I was just used and I would just come across as low and needy, and I dont want her to remember me like that in case she ever made contact again. At the moment, im moving on, and so is she by the looks of it, but maybe further down the line, I will wish I did more to fight for her and not give up, but the truth is, how many times am I meant to bang my head against a brick wall and say I love her, I want her, and her pushing me away.
hoping2heal Posted February 3, 2010 Posted February 3, 2010 an interesting thought brought on by this quote: Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. -- Sydney J. Harris its very intriguing to me to hear any stories of you regretting not trying something; anything... and i know what ill get as far as NC is meant to heal, why do you want to be with someone that doesnt want you...etc. ive heard it all, but what im looking for is something in your past when you wish you tried or did anything relating to relationships. even though you dont know what that thing is. sorry if this is confusing but im looking for older inputs mostly, people that have been through multiple relationships perhaps, and were on both sides of the dumpee/dumper paradigm with some sort of regret regarding posr breakup reaching out. most will probably regret acting like a fool, but i wonder if anyone still thinks they shouldve done...more Never. Not once. Was it hard as hell? Absolutely. Was I sure they were really really the one and I'll never love again? Um, every.single.time. That said, it took me moving on to always look back and say "Ah, that's why we really weren't right for one another. Ah, that's why we weren't compatible. " I am 110 percent glad I went NC all times. Not every relationship we have is going to work out, even if we feel like we will never love like that again. I'm happy to report the RS I have now blows completely out of the water..what I always thought were my once great loves.
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