BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 It seems to be a big problem with a lot of married people from what I see...and I was just wondering if anyone has every considered the Meds your SO is on? there are many out there that will completely ruin your sex drive. I was on prozac for one month and it killed my libido, I am 23 and I don't think its normal at my age. also...birth control of any medicinal kind will do the same. just a thought.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 It seems to be a big problem with a lot of married people from what I see...and I was just wondering if anyone has every considered the Meds your SO is on? there are many out there that will completely ruin your sex drive. I was on prozac for one month and it killed my libido, I am 23 and I don't think its normal at my age. also...birth control of any medicinal kind will do the same. just a thought. No birth control, mostly topical creams and vitamins on her part.... She'd however like to see me on prozac or anything similar to kill my drive.....
Author BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 29, 2010 Author Posted January 29, 2010 How old is she if you don't mind me asking?
Toodamnpragmatic Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 How old is she if you don't mind me asking? Both mid-late 40's..... Trust me problems not med related....
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 A close buddy of mine for the last 15+ years, one whom I thought had a great sex life and marriage, recently told me he has been on prozac for several months. He later told me he can't get it up... he needs a crane to go that for him he said! Personally, I am a little too stubborn when it comes to meds... I avoid unnecessary meds at all costs - my wife being an RN is pretty much the same.
Author BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 30, 2010 Author Posted January 30, 2010 Same here. I hate taking medicine and usually try my own remedies if possible...I got off the prozac as soon as it started taking something away quite important to me.
JamesM Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 Been down that road. Researched every med she was taking and is taking. She used to take an antidepressant but after she was off, there was no change. I would love it if that were what it is, but I cannot see any evidence of her meds being the problem.
luvstarved Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 It might have for me at one time...my chronology is that we had great first 3 years, then got routine, other issues made us fight, I felt depressed, went on ADs, in marital counseling I mentioned that sex had gotten routine, which H took as ultimate insult, and withdrew from me for YEARS turning instead to porn and masturbation. In retrospect, even though I halfheartedly objected to this situation and tried to talk about it to him every once in a while, it did not become unacceptable to me until AFTER I went off the meds. I felt like to some extent my mute button had been hit. About a month after going off the ADs, it became an intolerable problem and that is when I put my foot down that we work on it. Results have been spotty, but ... to answer the question, yes, I think it did have an effect in the past...but also over the course of time and circumstance, damage done is damage done and adjusting the meds is not likely to be a panacea...in other words, going off the meds for me I think did make me care enough to want to fix it, but by that time the problem was so severe that it wasn't enough to fix it. We have good days and bad days now, but it's still a major issue in our M. Having said all that, I also want to say that I DO believe that ADs can be very helpful and would not want this to sound like advice to truly depressed people to go off of their meds...
giotto Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 my wife has been on anti-depressants (seroxat) for more than 12 years and they have indeed killed her libido... she's stopped them a couple of time and the sex came back! But she can't live without them, or so she says...
Tiny220 Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 After my "accident" (guy commited suicide by jumping in front of my work truck) I was on about everything you could imagine, my sex drive never went away, yes for the first month or so immediatly after the accident, but I relate that more to not sleeping (literally) for two weeks. I wish there was something to kill my need for affection and sex. I even asked my primary care doctor if there was anything I could take. My wife is not on anything now, including birth control, they cause her head aches, so we used to use other methods of BC. T
giotto Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 After my "accident" (guy commited suicide by jumping in front of my work truck) I was on about everything you could imagine, my sex drive never went away, yes for the first month or so immediatly after the accident, but I relate that more to not sleeping (literally) for two weeks. I wish there was something to kill my need for affection and sex. I even asked my primary care doctor if there was anything I could take. My wife is not on anything now, including birth control, they cause her head aches, so we used to use other methods of BC. T I took ADs for a while as well... I was getting depressed because the wife was on ADs and there was no sex... They did a very good job at killing my libido, but I hated the way they made me feel... so, they went out of the window...
Tiny220 Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 I took ADs for a while as well... I was getting depressed because the wife was on ADs and there was no sex... They did a very good job at killing my libido, but I hated the way they made me feel... so, they went out of the window... I was on Lexapro, Cymbalta, Zoloft, and too many others I can't remember. They all made me feel like crap, none did anything for the PTSD, none killed my libido at all. None made me feel better about the lack of sex. Maybe they were all just sugar pills, but that would be a mean thing to do to a diabetic. T
Author BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 30, 2010 Author Posted January 30, 2010 she's stopped them a couple of time and the sex came back! But she can't live without them, or so she says... but WHO can live without sex? I weighed my options and I found that working out and taking the right vitamins really helped my depression. In the long run no sex would only make my depression worse..
Author BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 30, 2010 Author Posted January 30, 2010 After my "accident" (guy commited suicide by jumping in front of my work truck) I was on about everything you could imagine, my sex drive never went away, yes for the first month or so immediatly after the accident, but I relate that more to not sleeping (literally) for two weeks. I wish there was something to kill my need for affection and sex. I even asked my primary care doctor if there was anything I could take. My wife is not on anything now, including birth control, they cause her head aches, so we used to use other methods of BC. T I am so sorry that happened to you. I hope things are getting better.
giotto Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 but WHO can live without sex? she can... her average would be about once/month, tops... last time we had sex was on 2nd of January... we've had sex twice in the last 6/7 weeks... when I said I was leaving, a few months ago, we agreed on once a week... that lasted about 2 months... mmm... I'm getting a bit frustrated again...
mem11363 Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 BEJ, This thing about sex is not about sex. It is not about lust. It is not about meds. It is about love. The real thing. The genuine article. The feeling that lets you say intensely personal things to your spouse in the spirit of knowing each other. Things that sometimes frighten or hurt. The feeling that emotionally links you tightly to them. THAT kind of love means that if something is extremely important to your spouse that MAKES it extremely important to you. When someone posts about how they researched every med their wife is on for sexual side effects - that is just so sad. Because HE can't solve HER lack of desire. Only SHE can. It is painful to see spouses taking on this impossible responsibility - the responsibility of finding a way to get your spouse to love you the way you deserve. When HE/SHE knows you feel ignored/unloved and they continue to accept all the love YOU give, that is parasitic. Same here. I hate taking medicine and usually try my own remedies if possible...I got off the prozac as soon as it started taking something away quite important to me.
Author BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 BEJ, This thing about sex is not about sex. It is not about lust. It is not about meds. It is about love. The real thing. The genuine article. The feeling that lets you say intensely personal things to your spouse in the spirit of knowing each other. Things that sometimes frighten or hurt. The feeling that emotionally links you tightly to them. THAT kind of love means that if something is extremely important to your spouse that MAKES it extremely important to you. When someone posts about how they researched every med their wife is on for sexual side effects - that is just so sad. Because HE can't solve HER lack of desire. Only SHE can. It is painful to see spouses taking on this impossible responsibility - the responsibility of finding a way to get your spouse to love you the way you deserve. When HE/SHE knows you feel ignored/unloved and they continue to accept all the love YOU give, that is parasitic. MEM, I couldn't agree with you more. There are things (aside from sex) that I've pushed myself to do for my H and vice versa. It is sad to see that people have trouble with this but I was just offering advice from something I experienced...
Jeff1962 Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 No medications on wife's part. After I returned from Iraq, I soon found myself angry and suicidal. I was prescribed an anti-depressant but neither my sex drive or performance have been effected by medication. I see your point Blueeyed. Good post. May help some people.
in_absentia Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 I can't have sex cos of this weird bladder problem I have that they haven't managed to diagnose after 5 years now. We hate it but I think we're doing okay... we could have sex infrequently but still manage it before, and ever since the last operation in october we havent been able to do it at all (hurts so much). It makes me so sad to read the threads of couples where the female just isn't up for it anymore cos i'd give absolutely anything to be able to have a proper relationship with my boyfriend
Spark1111 Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 It seems to be a big problem with a lot of married people from what I see...and I was just wondering if anyone has every considered the Meds your SO is on? there are many out there that will completely ruin your sex drive. I was on prozac for one month and it killed my libido, I am 23 and I don't think its normal at my age. also...birth control of any medicinal kind will do the same. just a thought. Interesting thread. I read once that birth control causes the body to mimic the very early stages of pregnancy. For one out of three women, that is a sad, tired and depressing time: a real libido killer, IMHO. Why do docs not inform women of that? Seems they should.
Author BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 31, 2010 Author Posted January 31, 2010 Interesting thread. I read once that birth control causes the body to mimic the very early stages of pregnancy. For one out of three women, that is a sad, tired and depressing time: a real libido killer, IMHO. Why do docs not inform women of that? Seems they should. Spark, birth control also stops the pheromones released during ovulation that attract the opposite sex...crazy what you can learn from Oprah..LOL
Littlemadam Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 I have been on the Depot Injection for 5 years now to stop me having babies. My weight piled on, and oh my goodness how I have changed. I feel really sorry for my other half as I have gone from needing sex very regularly and just being spontaneously horny (out and about I mean), to rarely getting the urge. We have agreed for me to come off it after the honeymoon, so hopefully with my new husband I will be a new woman! It's weird to explain, but there is no feeling there, it almost feels like it doesnt work anymore, just defunct, and where I used to need it regularly, my need has now extended to once a month
kakui215 Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 I've seen meds mentioned in many post here, and while I agree that most situations here are not a simple matter of what medications one or the other is taking, there is no doubt that they can have a real effect. The desire for sex can certainly be affected by physical factors -- not just meds, but also things like lack of sleep (the importance of which I long underestimated) and diet. Even the desire both to give and receive physical affection can be affected by such things. I don’t think that such physical issues will typically have a direct effect on how much love one feels for the other, but they can play a very important indirect role. The lack of such desire for sex and affection in one spouse can easily lead to resentment from the other. In turn, the spouse with decreased desire senses that resentment and responds with his or her own resentment, and the couple easily ends up in a cycle of building negativity. Sadly, it’s much easier to get trapped in such a cycle than most people realize, so much so that even if the one spouse goes off the meds (or successfully deals with other physical causes) the negative emotional cycle is so powerful that the removal of the physical causes no longer helps sufficiently. By that point, the mutual resentment has become too powerful. Of course, every couple has differences and disagreements from time to time, especially those who are together for the long-term. Those physical causes can also make it harder to deal with those issues – or they are harder to deal with due to one partner’s lack of desire for affection and sex, and that is what may stem from things like meds or lack of sleep. So, in many cases, it’s not just a matter of still feeling “in love” or not. Our emotions are influenced by all sorts of things. I’ve learned the hard way that we should never underestimate the affects of something like what we put into our bodies and whether or not we’re stressed out and getting enough rest. It’s hard as hell to deal with because often the meds we’re on and the sleep we’re getting are part of a cycle as well, but the sooner we take seriously the possibility of such causes, the better we’ll be able to deal with the other issues.
giotto Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 funnily enough, my wife went off sex completely in the last few weeks and yesterday she said her antidepressants are not working anymore and that she is not "well"... in the head, I suppose... I really had to extract this "with pliers" (as we say in Italian) from her... so, she is going to the doctor to get "new" ones... I suppose our sex life is finished...
JamesM Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 funnily enough, my wife went off sex completely in the last few weeks and yesterday she said her antidepressants are not working anymore and that she is not "well"... in the head, I suppose... I really had to extract this "with pliers" (as we say in Italian) from her... so, she is going to the doctor to get "new" ones... I suppose our sex life is finished... Sorry for you. Things change both ways. They get better and they get worse. I am guessing that you know Wellbutrin is an antidepressant that theoretically does not affect the libido. Perhaps you could encourage her to try it. The question is...does the antidepressant cause her low libido or is it inside of her? BTW, my wife had the urge to passionately have sex a couple of days ago. Unexpected but certainly welcome. Odd...it had only been a month or so.
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