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cheated on my BF - purely sexual - no feelings - feel bad

sweetpepperminttea

By sweetpepperminttea
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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norajane Established Member

norajane

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btw... i'm a "he"... not a "she" :)

 

Why would you ask for advice and leave off a crucial detail like the fact that you're having same sex relationships?

 

My observations aren't much different except that now I think you're an even bigger fool for not sharing your dirty side with your bf. For all you know, he thinks you're too "sweet" to get dirty with.

 

AND, now I think you're super manipulative and deceptive instead of just misguided.

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sweetpepperminttea New Member

sweetpepperminttea

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AND, now I think you're super manipulative and deceptive instead of just misguided.

 

I guess the next thing will be for you to tell me to start praying and find the answer to my question in the holy bible ? ;)

norajane Established Member

norajane

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I guess the next thing will be for you to tell me to start praying and find the answer to my question in the holy bible ? ;)

 

Why would you ask that? I'm an atheist.

 

I just don't like people who go around lying at the same time they're asking for help, and omitting relevant information is indeed lying.

Emmybrynne19 New Member

Emmybrynne19

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I also recently cheated on my bf. We've been together for 5 and a half years since I was 16. He's the only guy I've ever been with. I was really happy in our relationship until about 2 years ago. He did something to betray my trust and just wasn't treating me right, I felt unwanted and taken for granted and I just became more and more unhappy as time went on but never said anything because I was weak and scared. Then last week I cheated on him with some I guy I just met when I was super drunk. I told him the next day that I cheated and why I think I did. I told him about how unhappy I was in our relationship and that I was thinking of talking about taking a break at least a month before this happened. He was shocked that I did what I did because it's completely out of character for me and he said he still wants to try and work it out. He said he understands that I'm only 21 (he's almost 26) and have never been with anyone and that he knows he wasn't treating me right and understands why I was kind of driven away. We agreed to take a break so I can figure out what's going on with me (I'm going to NY for 2 months in 3 weeks) and so he can recover from what I did to him. We are still talking now and I just saw him yesterday. He went out to Vegas for the weekend last night and is staying with his friends house that's super bitter because his girlfriend cheated on him and didn't want to stay with him and wasn't remorseful at all. This morning at 5 am I got a drunk call from my bf and he started saying that his friend said f*** that she's a f***ing bitch, you need to just f*** a bunch of girls to get over it and never talk to her again. She f***ed some guy and doesn't care about you. Then my bf started telling me how he could have f***ed two strippers but didn't and all of this crazy stuff. He said he didn't because he loves me still. I feel horrible for what I did and feel like a piece of ****, but should I continue to talk to him at all if he's talking to me like this? Is continuing to talk to him going to make things worse? Should I let him cool down for a while? He has every right to be as angry as he is and vent to me. I did screw up but I'm also human and hearing about how he could f*** other girls that are porn stars and strippers with big tits is making me feel sad and just plain confused because I don't know if I should feel sad. I just don't know what to do. I love him so much and still want to see him and talk to him and work things out. Maybe it's just because he's in Vegas with that guy, I don't know. Should I wait for him to come back after all of this is out of his system and see how he acts? Also, to those of you who are bashing us because we made a mistake and cheated, you are completely close minded about this whole thing. I did what I did but I didn't do it maliciously. I didn't have an on going affair for months or years and keep it from my bf. I made a mistake and told him the next day which is really hard to do. You don't know me or what my relationship is like. I only came here for advice.

hoping2heal Established Member

hoping2heal

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Thanks Sugar and Spice.... seems like "some people" just feel the need to put other people down to feel better about themselves... (and then end up being bitter, lone(socks)...)

 

btw... i'm a "he"... not a "she" :)

 

OP, I hope you don't think I was putting you down either but were you sexually abused or assaulted at any point in your life that you are aware of?

sid3 Established Member

sid3

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Well since you came here for advice keep it mind it may not always be what you want to hear. My advice, work on your morals.

ella23 Established Member

ella23

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OP, I hope you don't think I was putting you down either but were you sexually abused or assaulted at any point in your life that you are aware of?

I wasn't being rude either. Do you really see a future with your boyfriend despite not being sexually attracted to him?

ella23 Established Member

ella23

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a guy w/ a screen name sweetpepperminttea? do you have a middle name too? something like TROLL?

How does that make anyone a troll?? I agree, it's a bit unusual, but you can't determine whose a troll and who isn't on that basis alone.

seibert253 Established Member

seibert253

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I think you should end your relationship with your boyfriend if you don't feel sexually attracted to him. What you did is horrible, as you already know.

He should find someone who is 100% faithful to him and finds him attractive in all aspects. You should find someone who meets your requirements.

 

^^^^^

This

Malenfant Established Member

Malenfant

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i understand your surprise at the reaction your post has received, but remember that this is a relationship forum, so members have strong opinions on such matters, otherwise they wouldnt be here.

 

some are more blunt than others, but ultimately, the message is the same.

 

if you arent sexually attracted to your BF, then you need to find someone who ticks all your boxes.

two months into a relationship, you should be in the throws of heightened sexual attraction, not waiting for it to happen.

 

its difficult, i know. i had a similar feeling with my ex. ultimately the relationship ended because i knew that affection alone wasnt enough.

 

the kind of sex you crave can be found within a loving relationship, but you have to be honest from the start about what you are after.

 

if you really want to make a go of it with your current BF, you need to be completely honest with him, and tell him what happened, and why and what you actually want.

what happens thereafter is anyone's guess, but at least you'll know if there is any chance for you guys or not.

ella23 Established Member

ella23

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if you really want to make a go of it with your current BF, you need to be completely honest with him, and tell him what happened, and why and what you actually want.

what happens thereafter is anyone's guess, but at least you'll know if there is any chance for you guys or not.

this is true.

Silver_star Established Member

Silver_star

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Have you ever considered talking to him about sex...or about what turns him on and what turns you on. He amy be willing to be more sexual and maybe wants to already. I dont think you are being fair by being with him to fulfill your emotional needs while getting ur sexual needs elsewhere..unless he is aware of it then it is lying and betrayl and unhealthy, and very unsafe. Let him go. He deserves better. You coulda been honest from the get go.

Barky Established Member

Barky

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Lulz.. what's the line from sex and the city... "There are two types of guys: the ones you hold hands with, and the ones you ****."

 

Sounds like your "boyfriend" is the former.

 

If you're in Southern Cal look me up, since I'm the latter ;)

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sweetpepperminttea New Member

sweetpepperminttea

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hey guys and gals ! :)

 

Thank you all for your replies and good advice...

Although i knooooow the ideal situation would be to "confess" and try to start over with a clean slate.... i've decided to not tell...

 

I figure out that it would only hurt him and (even though some of you might not believe me) that is not what i want !!!

 

I've decided i will try and learn to live with the guilt but become a "better person" and not let it happen again... i will also try to work on my relationship issues... by talking to him (which we had done already before) and by trying to change my mindset from "holding hands" to "holding hands and more...." ....

 

I think it would be too easy to "just give up now" and not work on this !

I really do care about him and i want to make this work !

Barky Established Member

Barky

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I've decided i will try and learn to live with the guilt but become a "better person" and not let it happen again...

 

Let us know how that goes

Malenfant Established Member

Malenfant

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hey guys and gals ! :)

I've decided i will try and learn to live with the guilt but become a "better person" and not let it happen again... i will also try to work on my relationship issues... by talking to him (which we had done already before) and by trying to change my mindset from "holding hands" to "holding hands and more...." ....

 

I think it would be too easy to "just give up now" and not work on this !

I really do care about him and i want to make this work !

 

Good luck with this. be prepared though, if you succeed in your endeavour, you may feel the need to tell him in the end.

skydiveaddict Established Member

skydiveaddict

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Hey all,

 

This is "another one of those posts"... :-)

 

I have been seeing a great super sweet attentionate sexy cute guy for the past two months... we love to hang out, spend time together, kiss, cuddle, etc... but there is just one thing... he doesn't attract me sexually at all... SPT :bunny:

 

 

Just more proof that girls are not attracted to " nice guys"

Malenfant Established Member

Malenfant

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Just more proof that girls are not attracted to " nice guys"

 

sweetpepperminttea is a guy BTW :)

Barky Established Member

Barky

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sweetpepperminttea is a guy BTW :)

 

well... that puts things in a whole new perspective...

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sweetpepperminttea New Member

sweetpepperminttea

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:D i already figured you "read over" one of my posts....

 

this being said... it is kinda true.... the most in love i have ever been, was with the person who has treated me the worst !!! guess love is just a weird thing huh :o

Malenfant Established Member

Malenfant

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:D i already figured you "read over" one of my posts....

 

this being said... it is kinda true.... the most in love i have ever been, was with the person who has treated me the worst !!! guess love is just a weird thing huh :o

 

ah, but was it really love, or infatuation?

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sweetpepperminttea New Member

sweetpepperminttea

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ah, but was it really love, or infatuation?

 

Maybe not love.... but at least it was TOTAL COMPLETE MIND-BLOWING SELF-DESTRUCTION INDUCING BURNING MAKING ME CRAZY HARDCORE passion :laugh::laugh:

Malenfant Established Member

Malenfant

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Maybe not love.... but at least it was TOTAL COMPLETE MIND-BLOWING SELF-DESTRUCTION INDUCING BURNING MAKING ME CRAZY HARDCORE passion :laugh::laugh:

 

ah, that'll be infatuation then ;)

it is great, but so all consuming. 99.9% of the time it burns out cos its just way too intense. cherish the memory :)

ella23 Established Member

ella23

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hey guys and gals ! :)

 

Thank you all for your replies and good advice...

Although i knooooow the ideal situation would be to "confess" and try to start over with a clean slate.... i've decided to not tell...

 

I figure out that it would only hurt him and (even though some of you might not believe me) that is not what i want !!!

 

I've decided i will try and learn to live with the guilt but become a "better person" and not let it happen again... i will also try to work on my relationship issues... by talking to him (which we had done already before) and by trying to change my mindset from "holding hands" to "holding hands and more...." ....

 

I think it would be too easy to "just give up now" and not work on this !

I really do care about him and i want to make this work !

Ok.

You've got to do what you think is best for you. :)

Dexter Morgan Established Member

Dexter Morgan

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Thanks Sugar and Spice.... seems like "some people" just feel the need to put other people down to feel better about themselves

 

nope. What anyone says here pales in comparison to what you are doing to this guy.

 

bottom line, break up with him. he deserves better, you said that yourself even.

 

let him go, set him free. find someone you ARE sexually attracted to and hopefully you won't cheat on them either.

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