Itzo Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 The answer is NO! Usually, when you are trying to impress somebody ... you are gettin' stuck in your head. What that means is that you are trying to change your personality to make people like you. So, what's the outcome of this? You've guessed it. You are beginning to lose everything you have. So intead of being in stuck in your head with certain rationalizations, like what she thinks of me, or does she likes me or whatever ... be present in the moment, be OUTSIDE your head, try to be detached from the outcome from any particular interaction. Also, being unaffected by other people reactions upon you is the key here ... ... when you express your personality freely in the BEST way to make people like you, instead of trying to impress them to like you. That's part of my research I am doing by the way .. high quality stuff fo' sheezy So, keep these in mind! Thanks!
counterman Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 Yes! You don't have to impress the girl you like! I have seen friends of mine try too hard to impress the girls they like only to embarrass themselves and fall face down. Some have tried it with money, some with planned "spontaneous" surprises and others have tried it in sports. Many find it arrogant. Really important if you don't take people's reactions to heart. Don't get caught up into that negative frame of mind, because it will throw you off and your confidence drops.
Author Itzo Posted January 29, 2010 Author Posted January 29, 2010 Yes! You don't have to impress the girl you like! I have seen friends of mine try too hard to impress the girls they like only to embarrass themselves and fall face down. Some have tried it with money, some with planned "spontaneous" surprises and others have tried it in sports. Many find it arrogant. Really important if you don't take people's reactions to heart. Don't get caught up into that negative frame of mind, because it will throw you off and your confidence drops. Good advice
counterman Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 Oh, replace the "if" in the final paragraph with a "that". So, it is really important that you don't take people's reactions to heart. Thanks, itzo! Great OP! It goes hand in hand with caring about what people think. A negative comment from someone about someone you do, the way you look or what you said is enough to set you back if you really take it into consideration. You start to think about what that girl is going to think of you, is you are going to embarrass yourself, what her friends are going to think of her, what your friends are going to think of you and so on. This really detracts from your own personality and you find yourself overly conscious of you are actually going to do, thus, you are not really being yourself. I had a friend go up to me and say "hey, when you talk to her, could you do it in a more private setting?" I shrugged it off and told him "no, I do not mind approaching her in person and having a fun conversation!". I don't care what others think. So what if they see her and I talking to each other in public? I am not going to stop talking to her in person just because one or a few others think that it's drawing too much attention to me. It's just weird.
TouchedByViolet Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 I'm going to disagree. To attract a person, there has to be something impressing/interesting about you. I'm not saying be unauthentic or make yourself into something your not, but try to highlight or converse about an interesting part of yourself.
Ms. Joolie Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 My goal is not to impress people, but overall I do want to make a good impression.
DiscoChick Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 My goal is not to impress people, but overall I do want to make a good impression. Exactly. I don't have the energy to try and make myself seem like more than I am. I also don't think that is important. I'm not a what-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of girl, but I do not try and offer more than I can give.
counterman Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 Yep, that's what I was talking about. Trying to impress by being something you are most certainly not. I would impress a girl I like by turning up well dressed for and turning up early, by showing common courtesy, etc. but that is not purely based on impressing her per se. I would say it's not even an conscious effort to impress her, if it is a part of who you are. Anything unrealistic and not you is just a big turn off.
cartierbenjamin Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 How about taking the person of interest to different place because you know they would probably like the atmosphere (i.e. museums, plays), which you dont really care too much but know they would like it....is that trying to hard to impress?
counterman Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 How about taking the person of interest to different place because you know they would probably like the atmosphere (i.e. museums, plays), which you dont really care too much but know they would like it....is that trying to hard to impress? See, there is a lot of ambiguity with the idea of "impressing" someone. I would say no, it's not trying too hard UNLESS you absolutely hate the place (e.g. it makes you completely uncomfortable) and you are purely doing it for her.
Author Itzo Posted January 29, 2010 Author Posted January 29, 2010 How about taking the person of interest to different place because you know they would probably like the atmosphere (i.e. museums, plays), which you dont really care too much but know they would like it....is that trying to hard to impress? If you want to show her a different place it is not trying to impress her, AS LONG AS you are detached from the outcome of whatever the reason is for showing her around different places. Just be unaffected by that by pretending that you DID NOT PLANNED to show her the (e.g. museum), you've just passed by or whatever. See what I mean? Make it look at the moment, and just have a good time, enjoying the moment with her, she will appreciate this. As I said, express your personality freely, try not to change yourself while you are entering different environments, just because you do not feel confident in the situation. In other words, be congruent with yourself.
OceanTropic Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 (edited) If you don't feel you need to be on your best behaviour, or show off your best qualities, then you don't really like the girl. Look at nature, the male always needs to impress the female, to pass on the good genes, which are determined by skills. Can the lion hunt? Is he a fast runner? Is he strong? Why on earth would a female want to mate with a lion who couldn't care less about impressing her? Then she would move on to someone who would. Impressing doesnt mean changing your personality, thats lying. Impressing means showing what you are capable of. If you are capable of it, then you're certainly not lying about being able to do it. A lioness doesn't need a jealous lion who will bite any other male who will approach her, but she needs to know that if things get bad, he can defend her. She would know this if he would show off his strength. Even if he could defend her, it wouldnt matter if she didn't know it. Edited January 29, 2010 by OceanTropic
Author Itzo Posted January 29, 2010 Author Posted January 29, 2010 If you don't feel you need to be on your best behaviour, or show off your best qualities, then you don't really like the girl. Look at nature, the male always needs to impress the female, to pass on the good genes, which are determined by skills. Can the lion hunt? Is he a fast runner? Is he strong? Why on earth would a female want to mate with a lion who couldn't care less about impressing her? Then she would move on to someone who would. Impressing doesnt mean changing your personality, thats lying. Impressing means showing what you are capable of. If you are capable of it, then you're certainly not lying about being able to do it. A lioness doesn't need a jealous lion who will bite any other male who will approach her, but she needs to know that if things get bad, he can defend her. She would know this if he would show off his strength. Even if he could defend her, it wouldnt matter if she didn't know it. This is a great advice, if I am a lion escaped from some zoo ... Humans are more sophisticated. That's why we distinguish ourselves from the other animals with intellect & spirituality. I am not giving you a definition of what impression means. I am telling you how men use it to GET a girl. Humans tend to impress a female by putting a mask that they think would work, thus changing the concept of who they are ... making themselves unnatural. The self always come through, so in every interaction when you are not expressing your personality fully you are not attractive. Human beings are so messed up with this mating process ... I wish things could be that easy like the rest of the animal kingdom. We developed this ability of self-deception that messs around our natural inclinations.
alphamale Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 The answer is NO! you have to impress her without letting her know you're doing it
Author Itzo Posted January 29, 2010 Author Posted January 29, 2010 you have to impress her without letting her know you're doing it Right, this is what I wrote above as well ... "If you want to show her a different place it is not trying to impress her, AS LONG AS you are detached from the outcome of whatever the reason is for showing her around different places. Just be unaffected by that by pretending that you DID NOT PLANNED to show her the (e.g. museum), you've just passed by or whatever. See what I mean? Make it look at the moment, and just have a good time, enjoying the moment with her, she will appreciate this. "
meerkat stew Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 Don't impress, seduce, it's what they want anyway. A man who can press a woman's emotional buttons at will never needs to impress her. Just enjoy the ride until she blows up due to low self-esteem and insecurity. No amount of "impressing" will overcome those two pervasive female issues anyway. Just mount up and enjoy the ride until she implodes. Recipe for relationship success for the enlightened man.
Author Itzo Posted January 29, 2010 Author Posted January 29, 2010 Don't impress, seduce, it's what they want anyway. A man who can press a woman's emotional buttons at will never needs to impress her. Just enjoy the ride until she blows up due to low self-esteem and insecurity. No amount of "impressing" will overcome those two pervasive female issues anyway. Just mount up and enjoy the ride until she implodes. Recipe for relationship success for the enlightened man. Well, I can say to impress someone is just a personal preference. I agree with Alphamale, if you want to impress, make it look as you do not, making it spontaneous. Also, I agree with you that you do not have to impress her as long as you are detached from any outcome.
OceanTropic Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 This is a great advice, if I am a lion escaped from some zoo ... Humans are more sophisticated. That's why we distinguish ourselves from the other animals with intellect & spirituality. I am not giving you a definition of what impression means. I am telling you how men use it to GET a girl. Humans tend to impress a female by putting a mask that they think would work, thus changing the concept of who they are ... making themselves unnatural. The self always come through, so in every interaction when you are not expressing your personality fully you are not attractive. Human beings are so messed up with this mating process ... I wish things could be that easy like the rest of the animal kingdom. We developed this ability of self-deception that messs around our natural inclinations. That's very unfortunate. Something so simple and so biological has now turned into a game of who can deceive successfully. Perhaps this is why we have all these relationship problems.
Johnny M Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 Yes, you need to impress them...but you have to do it without trying. That's the key. In other words, you need to learn to be naturally impressive.
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