within2 Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 (edited) You just have this condescending undertone in your post. Don't contact her and do HER a favor. You just sound so miserable and cold with life already....almost like a 65 year old man whose life made him bitter. You sound like the type of guy who is emotionally empty. I think you'll be compatible with a woman who is emotionally unavailable too. Edited January 30, 2010 by within2
Author jazzpur Posted January 30, 2010 Author Posted January 30, 2010 whoa, didnt expect that but i respect the opinion. sorry to sound condescending, honestly. im not a bitter person, stoic yes, bitter no im still in survival mode, trying to scavange my ego after my heart fell out, perhaps thats motivating my tone i still love this girl and she knows i do seriously, i didnt want to offend anyone if i did
CaliGuy Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 OP only thing I can say is you can't date a younger woman and try and "teach" her how to grow up on her own. You can't expect her to not want to experience all life has to offer. You just can't "daddy" her and expect to have a romantic relationship. I'm not blaming you, I am just pointing out where things went wrong. And oh yeah, you don't have to drink but by not going out with her occasionally you were pretty much telling her that you didn't care. And that's not a good thing. Have your guys night out and such, just don't leave her hanging like that. Anyway. My 2 cents. Stick to NC....it's always best.
CaliGuy Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 Honestly Dude.. if I spoke to my wife I the way you spoke to your GF and use the tone that they most likely were delivered then I wouldn't be married any longer.. She would dump my ass... You have to be supportive of someone not demeaning to them.. I know you think she left you for GIGS but honestly she sounds like she left because you really weren't very nice.. Going on vacations isn't enough to keep someone, you have to respect them and show them that respect daily. The guy she flocked to is telling her what she needs to hear.. what most people would tell her and there is nothing wrong with him telling her those things.. A BF isn't supposed to be her Dad.. you are supposed to be her friend..comfort her when she isn't having a good day and be supportive when she gets down in the dumps. Sounds to me like you just need to find someone more compatible for you.. the things you did wrong in the relationship are not horrible things.. but you do need to take note of them and try not to repeat them in your next relationship. Bah. You beat me to it (again), Art. Right on target, as usual. Agree with you completely.
Art_Critic Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 whoa, didnt expect that but i respect the opinion. sorry to sound condescending, honestly. im not a bitter person, stoic yes, bitter no im still in survival mode, trying to scavange my ego after my heart fell out, perhaps thats motivating my tone i still love this girl and she knows i do seriously, i didnt want to offend anyone if i did You aren't offending anyone.. You are hurt.. the same place most of have been before and as someone who is hurt you are running all the typical scenarios thru you head. You aren't doing anything that we all haven't done when faced with a breakup. What you need to realized at this point is you need to take what you can from this experience/relationship and breakup and learn from it.. you need to work some on yourself and then take what you've learned and go apply it to another girl... that next girlfriend and relationship will hopefully be better than the previous because of the introspection you have done. i still love this girl and she knows i do This is why you need to apply NC and move on.. you need to heal from her.
Author jazzpur Posted January 30, 2010 Author Posted January 30, 2010 you guys are making great points...i did go too far. she never told me it bothered her to act the "daddy" role...i really thought she admired me for it. i felt i was filling the void of the father figure she didnt have there for her. im my post break-up letter i admited to all of these mistakes and gave her an honest apology....it took her leaving me for any of it to come to light. i agreed with the break-up and told her id always love her and that id miss her. perhaps she'll think i can change now that it all came to light, i apologized and still remained friends on LC up to this point...even with the new guy in the picture. its just so painful to know that she decided it would be better to walk off with someone else, rather than put her foot down during the relationship and actually tell me these things were going too far. Certainly learned a lesson from all of this. Im drawing a line in the sand now, sticking to NC.... but still iffy on whether a cold exit is the wrong approach... but i certainly dont want to be her emotional crutch for this new guy... NC will start the healing either way i initiate it
Author jazzpur Posted January 30, 2010 Author Posted January 30, 2010 man, NC is tough to do i just woke up to a text "heyy, how are you?" third time i havnt replied to her intiating...now im starting to feel guilt also i gotta stay strong
Author jazzpur Posted February 26, 2010 Author Posted February 26, 2010 well, ive stayed NC for over a month now....and since ignored 2 emails about how much shes missing me, and a "hey, how are you" text. yesturday was my birthday and she sent me this text...."i made you something for your birthday, since youve been ignoring all of my attempts at communication i dont know if you want it....let me know" i know it will hurt me to accept her gift as far as i know shes still with her rebound guy....an since this to me seems a little more heart-felt than "breadcrumbs", i feel i should atleast reply. i was thinking of the whole reverse psychology route....saying something along the lines of... "i sincerely appreciate the thought and may eventually like to see it, but ive respected your decision to end our relationship. At this point, I think its best that we both move on and go our seperate ways. I wish you the best" any input from you guys would be appreciated.... i want to keep the door open for reconciliation somewhere down the road... just not right now, as NC has made me stronger and not want it right now.
counterman Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 First, good on you for sticking to No Contact for almost a month now. If you send her that response, my guess is that she will contact you more and it would undo some of the good work you have done. I think your silence speaks more than your words ever could. If she made you something, she could always find a way to get it to you, instead of trying to bait you to reply. So, I recommend you stick with No Contact. She has already moved on to another guy, remember that.
sedgwick Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 Absolutely stick to NC! She chose not to have you in her life, and that means ALL THE WAY. I'm proud of you!
Author jazzpur Posted February 26, 2010 Author Posted February 26, 2010 in terms of healing...i can see what you guys mean i dont want her to think i hate her though, i feel that i have to atleast acknowledge the fact that she doing a little more than "breadcrumbs". i need to say something.... i just want it to hit her hard...so she thinks... "holy sh*t, what did i do?" i dont wont to rule out her coming back forever, and i dont think a comment like the one ive considered, will assist her in her new relationship tough call, im still confused
Rearden Metal Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 A shorter reply is better. Something like" Thanks for thinking of me, but I prefer not to receive the gift. I respect your decision to have ended our relationship. Best wishes.
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