I am super. How are you?

[A_guy]

Hi everyone,

 

This is my first post. These boards seem really cool and I wanted to get in here and get some advice as well . Nice to meet everyone! Friends give me funny advice lol, so I thought I'd talk with you girls and guys.

 

Well, I met this really cool girl at work. When I first saw her she was walking away from me. I knew she was beautiful even before she turned around. She really is that beautiful, so no surprise there! Long hair, great smile and cute quirkiness I want to tease her about.

 

Now what was my first thought when she turned around?

'Arrgggghhhh she's so hot!' I know, I know.... For the heck of me I don't know why that would be my first thought, at the very least she would be easy on my eyes. But yea, she is really that beautiful. I came to terms with this rather quickly, haha.

 

My second thought?

'Please don't let her be awesome like me'. Of course, the fates would choose otherwise. She is super cool. Easy to talk too. Fun to be around. Just pretty much a great girl.

 

I suppose if I am looking for a way not to like her or nothing work out then I would also say that I am 31 and she is 21. Ouch~!! Even better for me at the time to not want to pursue. I mean, what could we possibly have in common or have anything substantial to talk about? Nothing really right? As my 28 year old female cousin told me, all I would hear is crickets. So that's that then. I can't like her. Mission accomplished.

 

 

No sorry. We do talk and laugh and even flirt with each other a little. I didn't think she was 21 when I first met her. She carries herself with a certain grace that made me think she was 24. Oh she just learned I was 31 (or turning 31 soon). She couldn't believe it and genuinely thought I was joking. I might have thrown a spike strips on this road of possibilities we call life. I guess I'll have to just wait and see. I don't put limitations on myself or on others. Whether other people want to is their choice. I love that 60+ plus dude on the train with a bizarro haircut and kick ass stud denim jacket. No limit soldier.

 

It was so refreshing to learn something about her I remember as we were walking outside of work together. The last time I felt something like that was many years ago.. It's like you really want to know more and you were happy with whatever that other person shared with you. You know? Hey, it's not like she probably hasn't figured it out by now. I mean I am not outright obvious der, because where's the fun in that?

 

However, girls can read guys way better than vice versa. I am acutely aware of this, dare I say it, fact.

 

 

I asked her if she wanted to hang out outside of work lol. I suppose I might have made it sound like a date? Because from her response. "Yea, just as friends right?"

I was thrown a little by this. Isn't that what it is implied? You want to get to know her/him better? It's an interview which can be so much fun! or really pretty terrible, haha. I should have been more specific or not so nervous because I thought that what she might think it is..bah! I was like "Yes, of course, that's what I meant". Because that is what I meant!! LoL. I haven't mentioned it since which was 2 weeks ago. I am slowing my roll.

 

Girl, I just want to know you better! Maybe I'll just keep her laughing and smiling like I do?

 

Should I bother pursuing further? Is it too creepy? It's hard trying not to like someone and having feelings I haven't felt in years <sigh>. Thank you if you reached this far.

Edited January 29, 2010 by A_guy

[SoulSearch_CO]

"Yea, just as friends right?"

D'oh. Kiss of death RIGHT THERE. I would NEVER say that to a guy that I would EVER consider dating. Time to move along, dude. You're not turning the tides on this one.

 

And btw, age doesn't have anything to do with it. I got together with my XH when I was 22 and he was 37. The current guy I'm dating is 14 years older than me. They have BOTH stated I'm more mature than they are. So IMO, your cousin is wrong on that count. The girl could've toyed with you - knowing you have feelings. But she decided to be honest and just tell you that "friends" is all you can ever expect.

[boogieboy]

Dont waste your time. She just told you she had no attraction to you. Leave her alone, and dont talk to her again.

[txsilkysmoothe]

I don't think she is interested.

[Awesome Username]

There are a number of reasons why she wants to go as just friends:

 

1. Dating is scary, especially for very young women.

 

2. You two work together, right?

 

3. She could see the ten year age difference as a dealbreaker

 

Either way, she is not looking to get to know you better as a prequel to dating, which is pretty much dating. I'd be casual about the whole thing and not expect a relationship out of it.

[counterman]

"just as friends right?"

 

Yeah, she's not interested. Don't expect anything else otherwise.

[A_guy]

Nooo! lol Thats what I figured. Yea, thank you for your candid responses. I think I needed to hear it or read it rather. I am pretty casual about it. No expectations, especially relationships right now for me.

 

Kinda sucks, but whatever! Life goes on! Going out tonight! heh. Kind of why I was hoping to work with no one attractive to me lol which for the most part is the way it is.

Edited January 29, 2010 by A_guy

[bac]

You never know before you try.

Perhaps she is a little immature or a player if she wants to be friends with you. Every mature female I guess knows of what a mature man wants from her when he asks her out.

[meerkat stew]

Move on, there are mature 21 y.o.s out there. None of them follow up an invitation from a man with "just as friends, right?" Your attraction is obviously blinding your estimation of her maturity level.

 

Or maybe you should pass her a "do you like me?" note in the breakroom, that approach seems solid given her emotional age. Maybe put some gum in her hair.

[A_guy]

You never know before you try.

Perhaps she is a little immature or a player if she wants to be friends with you. Every mature female I guess knows of what a mature man wants from her when he asks her out.

 

Yes, this makes sense. I don't think she is a player though. Or at least I don't know her well enough to even say with certainty.

 

 

Move on, there are mature 21 y.o.s out there. None of them follow up an invitation from a man with "just as friends, right?" Your attraction is obviously blinding your estimation of her maturity level.

 

Or maybe you should pass her a "do you like me?" note in the breakroom, that approach seems solid given her emotional age. Maybe put some gum in her hair.

 

 

Hahaha you're funny. I 'lol'ed. I did think that was an odd response and it seemed to be a clear indication of immaturity or at the very least an immature response. Actually, it kind of turned me off. I'm not coming out of HS and I suppose a mature girl would've gone about it differently.

 

However, at the same time I could've made it sound too datey. This is especially true because when I asked her casually as we were walking I looked over at her and she made ME feel awkward for asking so I kind of followed up with.."well if you're busy its ok because I know school is starting and stuff" and what not. It's ok though. No biggie.

 

She kind of just killed it for me only because she was already waaaaay ahead of me in her head. All I wanted was as someone put it earlier was a precursor. Take it from there. Oh well...moving on!

 

It's all good babey babaay. Saw an even hotter girl on the train and she wasn't staring at her phone like most, but was crocheting!

[A_guy]

Hmmm....she's 21, you're 31, right?

 

You sound kind of infatuated with her. But it sounds like she friend-zoned you which is probably doing you a favor.

 

21 year old women are really girls more than they are women. You're probably better off dating someone closer to your age, say at least 25 years old and maybe late 20's or older. The 21 year old girl, even if she started going out with you, would probably break your heart with her fickleness.

 

But stay cool and friendly with this one. Remember--networking, networking, networking. She's probably got a lot of hot friends, maybe an older sister....

 

...and, it's also possible her mother got knocked up young and is in her early 40's or possibly even late 30's. Seriously...if you want to bang a girl who's ten years younger than you you have to reciprocate by banging women who are ten years older. I envy you dude--30 is probably the perfect age because you've probably got the broadest potential age range of hot dating partners available to you--from 20 or so to at least 40. Lots of women who keep themselves in shape can be majorly hot well into their 40's.

 

Think about this: what if she has a cousin who looks just like she does, only a 27-year old version? Also find out about her mother.

 

You sound very learned. I pretty much agree with you. I have no problem being with a woman 10 years older. I can only imagine myself having fun in so many ways lol. Right now I feel like I am in a point in my life where I just want to go out and discover every beautiful girl I see. I have the whole world at my finger tips.

 

She did friend zone me. I remember my last g/f of three years did the same thing. I de-friended her real good lol. Too much effort though and not many are even worth that kind of effort from me. I think I am just going to stay friendly with her at work and that's it.

 

I am in no way looking for a relationship either right now. I am looking to have a good time of which would be lots of banging ideally.

 

My outlook right now : onto the next hottie, the next, the next, the next...

[meerkat stew]

You have a great attitude, imagine you won't be looking long.

[Zeegagge]

Yah, they say girls know in the first thirty seconds of meeting someone if they'll date them or not. Not always the case, but this time sounds like it is and sounds like she figured it out already. I wouldn't worry too much, and it doesn't sound like you are, carry on then...

[A_guy]

You have a great attitude, imagine you won't be looking long.

 

Thanks . Life is shorter than most realize I feel. I have to enjoy it as much as I can. Girls are an integral part of this equation for me, of course.

 

 

 

Yah, they say girls know in the first thirty seconds of meeting someone if they'll date them or not. Not always the case, but this time sounds like it is and sounds like she figured it out already. I wouldn't worry too much, and it doesn't sound like you are, carry on then...

 

Yea, she's hot and she knows. Judging from your profile pic you might be desi? She is a hot desi chick. Whatever~! Im a good looking guy and the world knows it~! haha j/k

 

I honestly can't stand that channel. My family is on those dramas like crazy.

[Zeegagge]

 

Yea, she's hot and she knows. Judging from your profile pic you might be desi? She is a hot desi chick. Whatever~! Im a good looking guy and the world knows it~! haha j/k

 

I honestly can't stand that channel. My family is on those dramas like crazy.

 

To be honest I have no idea what desi is or if I'm desi or not, although I think probably not. I've never seen Zee TV either. I felt I needed an avatar so I google image searched Zegagge and got nothing, so I just did Zee and that was the first one to pop up. Now it's my avatar. I suppose I wouldn't mind knowing a little more about it if you want to enlighten me.

[A_guy]

To be honest I have no idea what desi is or if I'm desi or not, although I think probably not. I've never seen Zee TV either. I felt I needed an avatar so I google image searched Zegagge and got nothing, so I just did Zee and that was the first one to pop up. Now it's my avatar. I suppose I wouldn't mind knowing a little more about it if you want to enlighten me.

 

Ahhhh lol, thats kind of funny. Zee tv is an Indian Channel. It's full of lame Indian dramas and other shows, which are also not too surprisingly pretty lame. Full of endless face closeups and dramatic music. 'Desi' for some reason refers to people of India / Pakistan. I think its slang.

[meerkat stew]

It's full of lame Indian dramas and other shows, which are also not too surprisingly pretty lame. Full of endless face closeups and dramatic music.

 

That sounds pretty cool and funny, is Ravi Shankar ever on there?

[A_guy]

That sounds pretty cool and funny, is Ravi Shankar ever on there?

 

 

Haha no he isn't. They recycle actors and actresses like plastic. I can't stand them.

 

Hey you ever watch meerkat manor? awesome show.

[mortensorchid]

Back on topic, if she says "as friends" in the same breath then she's not interested in anything other than that.

[dreamergrl]

Just because she's not interested it, doesn't mean she lacks maturity (I love when posters find a reason to insult when they or another person get turned down).

 

1. You work together.

2. She could have a boyfriend.

3. Ten years can be huge to someone at that age.

4. She might sense you want to discover every beautiful woman out there.

 

Sometimes when we are infatuated with someone, we can misread friendliness for flirting. You might feel she's flirting because you like her. She might feel she's being friendly.

[meerkat stew]

Just because she's not interested it, doesn't mean she lacks maturity (I love when posters find a reason to insult when they or another person get turned down).

 

No mature, even halfway socially intelligent adult will put conditions on an invitation such as "just as friends, right?" It's so rude, presumptuous and privileged in addition to the obvious immaturity. You either accept a social invitation or you don't, as it is given, you don't try to change it at all, unless you know the person offering the invitation very well. This applies to every social matter, not just relationships.

 

"Hi, I got your weddng invitation today, can I bring my three friends along to the rehearsal dinner and your wedding?"

 

"Hi, I got your birthday invitation today, it says from 6PM to 9PM, can I come by at 10:30 instead?"

 

"I'd love to go to the U2 show with you, do you have an extra ticket for my friend John?"

 

"Sure, I'd love to have dinner at a nice restaurant and drinks after with you, but we are going as just friends right?"

 

All the same, all bad. My insult to OP's girl has nothing to do with her being not interested, and everything to do with her response to a social invite.

[dreamergrl]

No mature, even halfway socially intelligent adult will put conditions on an invitation such as "just as friends, right?" It's so rude, presumptuous and privileged in addition to the obvious immaturity. You either accept a social invitation or you don't, as it is given, you don't try to change it at all, unless you know the person offering the invitation very well. This applies to every social matter, not just relationships.

 

Right, so was she suppose to just pretend to be interested? She let OP know she was only interested in being friends. She could have went out with for a free meal and then reject him. She could say "Sure sometime" and then keep putting it off. She could have done a lot of things. Instead, she let OP know that she just wanted to be friends. Get over it.

[meerkat stew]

Get over it.

 

So rudeness is a woman's prerogative? I see. My issues with such rudeness are trivial, so to be "gotten over." Again, I see, most clearly.

 

If she doesn't want to go on a date, she can say no. If she then wants to pursue a friendship, she can initiate something less datey, or invite him out with a large group, or to a party.

 

But what she really wants, is a lopsided relationship where she is free to accept his attention and courtship with a rationalized "clear" conscience while full well knowing she doesn't reciprocate his level of affection, right? Convenient.

 

It's not that complicated to give a simple yes or no answer to a date invitation from a man.

Edited January 31, 2010 by meerkat stew

[randall]

Right, so was she suppose to just pretend to be interested? She let OP know she was only interested in being friends. She could have went out with for a free meal and then reject him. She could say "Sure sometime" and then keep putting it off. She could have done a lot of things. Instead, she let OP know that she just wanted to be friends. Get over it.

No, the other posters are correct. Putting conditions on a social invitation is very immature. Any semi-mature woman knows that when a man asks her out like that it's for more than 'friends'. If she didn't want to go she should've politely declined.

 

When a guy puts himself on the line to invite a woman out the least she can do is accept or decline. The 'just as friends' clause is her way of taking the easy way out and putting all the responsibility back on the guy.

 

And you seem to think her only other option was to pretend to be interested. That's neither honest nor mature.

Edited January 31, 2010 by randall

[dreamergrl]

Bashing a girl for not being interested in immature.

 

In some people's eyes, they'd rather not hear straight rejection. I've been asked to hang out by a guy for platonic reasons only. There are people out there capable of having opposite sex friendships. That's maturity.