Don't know where to go from here.

[Jamesith]

So its been a very long time since I've been on here. I've had so much stuff go down since I left. With starting my second semester at school, apartment complex in Texas turning me down so I was left with living In California for a little bit longer.

 

But just like 3 weeks ago the biggest thing to ever hit me. I would have never thought something like this would take so much out of me that I couldn't physically eat for quite some time.

 

... So it goes like this my best friends, best friend talks to me over the phone and during the first part of the conversation, he brings up my best friend is getting married! Like an arranged marriage since I guess he's Muslim and she likes the idea of an arranged marriage, I personally dislike it. I'm like okay I don't think I believe it, then she texts me and says what he said to you about getting married is true. So i was like whoaaa. Holy crap. So she's all excited and me not so much.

 

Now to where it pissed me off... ( theres alot more to this just for the lack of writing like 2 pages worth I tried to summarize what happened)

 

Here best friend texts me an hour later. Saying he felt so bad about what he's done and that he didn't have the heart to tell her the truth. So I ask him what he did wrong. And he happens to say he set her up with a guy who is basically her parents age. He isn't Turkish and he already has two wives.

The thing that really got to me was that he said lastly that he was going to secretly make money off of this arrangement. Their still friends to this day.

 

But for me I don't know this really hurt me the most knowing that someone could do something like that to someone who their really close to. I just need people to talk to, I've been really depressed lately and with school in session its hard to find time to talk with anyone. Guess thats about it.

Edited January 29, 2010 by Jamesith

[Ronni_W]

I'm sorry...I'm not sure that I'm getting it.

 

You're upset about the marriage broker's behaviour but not so much sad or concerned for your friend who is being set-up with what sounds like a highly inappropriate match?

 

I mean. I do get that what he's doing can make one lose faith in humanity...is that what has you depressed? That some people are just mean-spirited, cold-hearted and mercenary?

[Jamesith]

See what upset me the most was that once she would have got married I would lose contact with her pretty much forever. It was like I was losing the one person who really made a positive impact in my life in a matter of 2 and a half years. And to know that she is still friends with him even after what he did is beyond me.

 

So he texted me later after already telling me this news, (and told me that I should break it to her gently and t) thats where the text ended. So I was like do you mean you want me to talk to her? He responds your so kind.

(I ended up breaking the news to her, which after telling her all this she was deeply hurt, as was I.)

I'm pissed also that he didn't own up to his own mistake and talk to her himself. Instead he took the easy way out and had me do it for me. Ugh people some times can be Heartless sometimes.

 

And yeah I'm kinda losing faith in humanity itself, because I feel as if even the closest people you let in your life can do a complete 360 and turn and try to use you for their own selfish reasons. Which pisses me off cause I know people like this so I tend to stay clear of them, but when it involves some I care about the most it hits me hard.

 

For me I've always been that guy that most people can rely on, but now I can't even muster up the strength to get myself back on my own two feet and try to move on with my life. I hope this makes a little more sense if not feel to ask more questions.

Edited January 29, 2010 by Jamesith

[Ronni_W]

Ah, okay. I think I'm getting it a little better. Thanks for clarifying. Two separate things, right?

 

Easy one first. You chose to break the news to her -- you could have told him you're not doing it, and then just not done. BUT. I'm going to bet that you did it in a much gentler, kinder way than he ever could have. So, insted of being pissed at him, you could be grateful that you got the chance to let your friend down easy...instead of her being hit over the head by that jerk. Know what I mean? Be grateful that it was you.

 

As far as the jerk, he's a jerk. Fortunately there are more "good" people on the planet than "bad". Forget about him. Don't give him any power over your own trust and faith in the general goodness of humanity.

 

The second part is more difficult.

If you like her and want to ask her out or to be your long-distance girlfriend (whatever fits the situation), then you're just gonna have to go ahead and do that. You're going to have to risk it now. Otherwise, yes, she will get married some day -- and it sounds like probably sooner than later -- and you will most likely lose her friendship and all contact.

 

If there is a real reason why you two can't be a couple, then you do need to accept that. In this case, you cannot expect your friendship to last beyond her courtship and marriage to some other guy. When that happens, you cannot let that get you so depressed that you can't eat or otherwise function normally. [because] Facts of life are facts of life.

 

Yes, it'll be a loss and you'll feel sad, but that doesn't mean you also have to react with a mental, emotional and physical meltdown. That would not be a rational or mature response to a situation that you ALREADY know is going to happen. IMO.

 

You are in charge of getting yourself back on your own two feet...and you need to start doing that for your Self today. Right away. Like NOW! You have to, and you can. [because] That is your only sane and mature option.

[Jamesith]

I totally get what your saying. I'm not causing myself to be have mental and emotion pain over the fact that I would lose all contact with her. The reason was just the jerk took advantage and I had a friend who I thought was my best friend but he ended up being a jerk and pretty much caused me to lose trust in males as a whole. It takes me longer to trust, but with girls I can be as open as a can of tuna.

 

I know that I'm going to have to change the way that I react to every situation that comes along, its just been a habit since I was 14. Now 6 years later it still happens.

 

Yeah I do understand what your getting at about the second part. Just won't happen cause shes been seeing someone for a couple months, and you know I've been meeting new people at school, well at least trying to stir up some conversations. I'm not gonna cry about her dating some other guy who may in fact be a doucher, as every other guy shes dated has been. But this won't kill me cause if it did I would have been long gone a while back.

 

And I get that I'm in charge of my life and have been for the longest time. Just when crap like this happens as I said earlier I have to change the way I react to them. Knowing that I am going to be a counselor some day I definitely need to shape up. I totally get what you've been saying.

[Jamesith]

So I figured since I've been away for the past 4 days I'd give a little update.

 

Things are slowly but surely turning around for the better. I hung out with my a guy friend on Saturday and went and played blackjack at a casino. So much fun! I'm starting to regain trust in guys cause man oh man its been hard not letting any guy know about my life and who I am.

 

Oh and I'm visiting my best friend in 8 days! Yay, I know once I get to spend more time with her the drama of what went down awhile back will be behind us. I definitely feel a whole lot better about myself these days.

 

I've made more new college buddies, I'm enjoying most of my classes at school which is awesome cause i only really dislike 2 out of the other 5 or 6.

 

That's my update on how I've been doing since I first posted this.:D:)

[Ronni_W]

Thanks for the update. It sounds like you've really turned things around (in your head and how you were looking at things) for the better.

Good work!

I'd strongly encourage you to do everything in your power to not lose this lesson that you learned here -- just live up to your own vision and values, and do not let other people make you lose your faith and trust in humanity.

 

Some people do act like jerks...but the vast majority genuinely do want, and try to be upstanding and uplifting citizens. (Plus, we need a few 'jerks' to help us recognize the 'good guys'. Right?)

 

Have a fun visit with your friend, and just continue to work for your own happiness and success.

All the best.

[Jamesith]

Thanks for all the advice you've given me its helped for sure. I know I'm going to keep these lessons to heart, and never forget them. I know now that even having a few jerks in my life actually did help bring out the good people in the past few days. Their all genuinely nice that I've met so far and seem to have the same might set of morals and values so its nice to see I have people I can confide in both here and at school.

 

And yeah I'll make sure to have a swell visit down in Texas though it'll probably be crazy hot!