cognac Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 So a girl who claims to like me and I like her back only talks to me when she feels like it like once a week, ignored me today and yesterday yet again and I'm feeling pretty restless. She always does this crap but I never really started to feel it like I do now. She ignored me all winter break (claims she went on a trip to Europe and had ulcers the whole time, ulcers that were "misdiagnosed" according to her that somehow prevented her from even telling me she was alright ) and she has a boyfriend too . My two best friends will be in Europe for atleast 3 months without any internet or anything so I am pretty much all alone with no friends and nobody to talk to or hang out with outside of my mom, I subtly hinted at this and she didn't really seem to care, just wished me good luck and I can't stand her making up more bull**** to get out of it if i ask her to come have a drink with me or something. What should I do in this situation to make her come around? I am very confused, how can she be all upbeat and lovey dovey with me, calling me darling, her love, etc then ignore me, then when I confront her about ignoring me, she makes up crazy excuses for it. She's been through a lot of emotional grief so I'm trying my best to tolerate it for that reason alone, but I'm starting to feel it at this point. Every time I've given her ultimatums she just says "I just need more time" or starts to sound like she's crying. I don't want to do it again. I'm also trying my best to seem tough and independant, and not desperate (when she ignores me I stop contact until she contacts me back) but honestly, I can't hold it in anymore, I am desperate. I know you're all going to tell me to get over her, but if you can think of anything else I can do to make her come around.
start-fresh Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 Ugh, cognac, why do you even put up with people like this in your life? Jeez, I know you're lonely but cut her off, seriously. If you're ever going to be truly happy you're going to have to find that happiness within yourself because as you see, that's the only sure thing you're ever going to have. This chick screams attention whore. She's got a boyfriend but she's talking to you like this. Why? Plus, you wouldn't want to get involved with someone like this because you know when she gets bored she'll do the same thing to you. I don't think she'll ever come around, but my opinion would be your best chance would be acting distant toward her and having a life. She sees you as a puppy dog from what you've told us here.
SinglePeaInThePoD Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 ...but doesn't she have a boyfriend? It seems like she is just playing around. My friend always does this to guys. She will be all into them and show interest and then all of a sudden drop off the face of the earth. Then she she will come back with an excuse and try to make the guy feel bad or sorry. This is her way of leading guys on and having some sort of fun. So far I have not seen her get anywhere with these guys...sooooo.
Awesome Username Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 She has a boyfriend. I think that you should leave this one alone, unless you want to go down the sadface highway.
Author cognac Posted January 29, 2010 Author Posted January 29, 2010 Thanks guys, but you're advice is kind of depressing me to be honest (even though it's true). I don't want to believe there are people who are that bad, especially not her (she has been nothing but extremely loving with me until not too long ago). I was hoping something along the lines of a "Pick up Artist" could give me some tips on getting her on my side. Ways to "game her" on the phone. When I get angry at her ignoring me and insult her over the phone she always seems to respond, but when I am nice and just asking how she is she ignores it or responds once a week.
Author cognac Posted January 29, 2010 Author Posted January 29, 2010 She has a boyfriend. I think that you should leave this one alone, unless you want to go down the sadface highway. She was planning to leave her boyfriend before she came into some hard times I won't get into. I've told her to tell me if she wanted me to go away, I would go away if that's what she wanted, and asked her to be honest as a favor and as a decent human being, if she is planning to use me after that then she is just exceptionally evil. I sincerely think she's just really confused and want the balance to tip in my favor. ( i get the feeling it's not) My goal is to try to grease the wheels to get her back into that old feeling about me, make her forget about her other problems and get back into me like when I knew her before all the bad stuff started happening to her.
Hot Carl Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 Whoever it is you keep putting pictures of in your avatar, she's very cute. Wish I could get someone to pose like that for my avatars.
OpenGL Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 cognac...man I thought you knew better than this. I'm dissapointed. I'm glad I never suffered from the nice guy issue, and while you may think differently this is what your problem is. Stop dealing with the drama and cut her ass off. If you're dealing with a girl and she starts flaking/attention whoring, you got to be ready to cut her ass off at the drop of a hat. She will either blow up your phone from you ignoring her or she will blow out on you and in either case you win. In both cases you won't be wasting your time or losing sleep. As far as you being lonely, you always got LS to bitch about girls like me or you can try meetup.com. If you go the meetup route I hope you like sauage parties cause that's all you're going to find.
Chicago_Guy Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 cognac...man I thought you knew better than this. I'm dissapointed. I'm glad I never suffered from the nice guy issue, and while you may think differently this is what your problem is. Stop dealing with the drama and cut her ass off. If you're dealing with a girl and she starts flaking/attention whoring, you got to be ready to cut her ass off at the drop of a hat. She will either blow up your phone from you ignoring her or she will blow out on you and in either case you win. In both cases you won't be wasting your time or losing sleep. As far as you being lonely, you always got LS to bitch about girls like me or you can try meetup.com. If you go the meetup route I hope you like sauage parties cause that's all you're going to find. Man, reading that line made me laugh out loud!
Satisfaction Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 Thanks guys, but you're advice is kind of depressing me to be honest (even though it's true). I don't want to believe there are people who are that bad, especially not her (she has been nothing but extremely loving with me until not too long ago). I was hoping something along the lines of a "Pick up Artist" could give me some tips on getting her on my side. Ways to "game her" on the phone. When I get angry at her ignoring me and insult her over the phone she always seems to respond, but when I am nice and just asking how she is she ignores it or responds once a week. If you are looking for advice on how to game her, why not look on one of those pua forums. They will tell you how to do it. However, people on here have mostly been giving you good advice. Heartbreak and being led on is unfortunately one of those nasty little facts of life. You need a strategy to prevent and deal with it.
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 Cognac is in an unrequited love situation. How cute
randall Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 She has a boyfriend. It's obvious as hell she's playing you to feed her ego. She's likely only keeping you on the hook to boost her self-esteem while she looks for a real replacement for her current boyfriend. She doesn't even seem to have interest in you as a friend let alone as a boyfriend.
Author cognac Posted January 29, 2010 Author Posted January 29, 2010 Yeah but how do you explain the fact that she's been treating everyone the same? She is being distant with all her friends and won't even speak to her relatives from how heartbroken she is over the tragedies in her family. My belief is that her boyfriend is forcing her to not talk to me. I don't blame him, I did tell her that my request is she let the guy done slowly and gradually when she offered to leave him for me (feel so maybe she is just doing what I told her.) Another thing she is afraid of is cheating on her boyfriend. She always would offer to hang out with me alone but always stops at the last second because she says the inevitable if we are alone somewhere is we will have sex and she doesn't want to cheat on him. I'll just wait for her to contact with me, which I am hoping will be next week at the latest. I really do not want to think that as I type this she is somewhere with her girlfriends laughing about some guy she's taking along for a ride
OpenGL Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 Cut her off and hit up wow. If she contacts you again, tell her sex or I'm hanging up the phone. Don't be her emotional rag.
paddington bear Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 cognac if your friends were around and in contact, do you think you would be obsessing over this girl so much. I know when you like someone you don't want to think badly of them, but she's playing you, and you know it. That's not nice, and don't let her use the 'oh I've been through a really hard time' line - it basically means, I can behave in whatever way I want, without any regard to the consequences of how my behaviour effects you, because I have an excuse. It's not excuse. She's just being mean to you. Who cares why, no point dissecting it. If you are going to do the PUA thing, why not do it to get someone else who doesn't have a boyfriend? Why not do it to rub it in this girl's face that she no longer has you hooked, that you've found someone else, numerous someone else's? Point is, she's unavailable, even if she didn't have the boyfriend, I suspect she'd still be stringing you along. Right now it probably feels like you can't imagine someone else, or be bothered trying to find someone else, because this is the only woman giving you any attention. Believe me, I've been where you are, and as soon as some other person who does want you and is available and there's no BS comes along it suddenly puts Miss String-You-Along into perspective and you won't want her so badly. Guaranteed.
BackUpOrGetStung Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 OpenGL, I could not have worded that better myself. Cognac, follow OpenGL's advice to the T, on this one.
start-fresh Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 Cognac: You are her emotional tampon.You will never have sex with this girl or enter a relationship with her. This thread just goes to show that anybody can be 'blinded by love.' I thought you of all people would have some healthy boundaries. That line about not wanting to meet you because she's worried too much will happen is priceless. She's already emotionally cheating on the dude anyway, which if you're looking for a relationship of any quality is just as bad as a physical affair, IMO. Reading these forums is so depressing. It makes it seem like there are so many crappy people out there.
Author cognac Posted January 30, 2010 Author Posted January 30, 2010 cognac if your friends were around and in contact, do you think you would be obsessing over this girl so much.[/Quote] Well I have been in love with this girl since last september and she claims to love me . So while I have had her on my mind (she claims she's always thinking about me ), my friends were around to go out with and find other things to do. Now I am stuck with nothing to do and nobody to hang out with . I anticipated my friends leaving the country a while ago but was not worried because I was almost 100% certain she was going to be my girlfriend at this point, she was out of this world and exactly what I needed in my life, but alas, every thing that's too good to be true always is. I know when you like someone you don't want to think badly of them, but she's playing you, and you know it. That's not nice, and don't let her use the 'oh I've been through a really hard time' line - it basically means, I can behave in whatever way I want, without any regard to the consequences of how my behaviour effects you, because I have an excuse. It's not excuse. She's just being mean to you. Who cares why, no point dissecting it. [/Quote] That's the thing I don't know it. This girl's hard to read. When I get angry or express some concern about her waning interest in me she comes up with all these "I love you" and "my love is with you", and "i need more time". She's being mean to me but she's also being mean to everyone around her. I know that for a fact. Before her father was dying (he passed months ago) she didn't act like this AT ALL towards me. I've been patient and tolerant with her, her current boyfriend is essentially a part of her family (they have a few years together) and he is a powerful man with many connections to hurt her. I sincerely doubt she loves him more than me. Maybe she doesn't love me anymore today, but deep down i know she just has to feel something for me. If you are going to do the PUA thing, why not do it to get someone else who doesn't have a boyfriend? Why not do it to rub it in this girl's face that she no longer has you hooked, that you've found someone else, numerous someone else's?[/Quote] Most women who are not mentally ill, drug addicts, really old, or obese that I meet daily have boyfriends or are not really attracted to me . I have already tried to rub it in her face pretending to have another female interest to see if she would speed up the process, but instead she just said "i really hope u dont fall in love with her" and "what are you going to do with a girl like that??", but she was generally understanding and said that it wasnt fair for me to have to wait while she's in a relationship. Right now it probably feels like you can't imagine someone else, or be bothered trying to find someone else, because this is the only woman giving you any attention. Believe me, I've been where you are, and as soon as some other person who does want you and is available and there's no BS comes along it suddenly puts Miss String-You-Along into perspective and you won't want her so badly. Guaranteed. [/Quote] This is probably true. But paddington you are a girl, it's really different for you. I have love interests one time every year at best, sometimes every 2 years, and I'm 21 years old. Not to mention those love interests have all been outside of the country I live in (USA), this is probably the first girl in the USA who thinks I'm attractive and atleast claims to loves me. I got to make the best of what I get. Cognac: You are her emotional tampon.You will never have sex with this girl or enter a relationship with her. This thread just goes to show that anybody can be 'blinded by love.' I thought you of all people would have some healthy boundaries. That line about not wanting to meet you because she's worried too much will happen is priceless. She's already emotionally cheating on the dude anyway, which if you're looking for a relationship of any quality is just as bad as a physical affair, IMO. Reading these forums is so depressing. It makes it seem like there are so many crappy people out there. Thank you amistad, you're right. It gives me an idea though. Next time I speak to her in person (she again ignored my offer to get a drink with her tomorrow on texts today) I'm going to bring it up and tell her, the damage is done ,you already cheated on your boyfriend, NOW TAKE OFF YER PANTIES! I want a lot more than sex from this girl (if Ididn't I would've moved on by now). But if she really doesn't love me anymore, I think that after teasing me for 6 months i can guilt her into atleast sleeping with her .
start-fresh Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 Now I am stuck with nothing to do and nobody to hang out with . Do you think that makes you any more attractive to her? Nope. I anticipated my friends leaving the country a while ago but was not worried because I was almost 100% certain she was going to be my girlfriend at this point, she was out of this world and exactly what I needed in my life, but alas, every thing that's too good to be true always is.You can never rely on a woman to bring you happiness. People come and go from your life and if you can't be happy with yourself, you are going to go through a lot of hurt when it happens. That's the thing I don't know it. This girl's hard to read. When I get angry or express some concern about her waning interest in me she comes up with all these "I love you" and "my love is with you", and "i need more time".That's because she will be losing her ego booster. Her boyfriend should be fulfilling that need anyway. Maybe she doesn't love me anymore today, but deep down i know she just has to feel something for me.I know of one girl at least that feels something for me. I'm positive she does, but she's been with her boyfriend for two years. That's reason enough right there that she doesn't feel enough for me to leave him. Don't rationalize something that's not there. It gives me an idea though. Next time I speak to her in person (she again ignored my offer to get a drink with her tomorrow on texts today) I'm going to bring it up and tell her, the damage is done ,you already cheated on your boyfriend, NOW TAKE OFF YER PANTIES!She KNOWS you're desperate. Chicks can smell it a mile away, but it doesn't matter. She doesn't want a relationship, just an ego boost, so your mental state doesn't really matter to her, only how you make her feel better about herself. Oh, and we all know anyone who is genuinely interested in you (even as a person if not a romantic partner) wouldn't blow you off like that. You have to realize how unfair this girl is treating you.
Author cognac Posted January 30, 2010 Author Posted January 30, 2010 Good point Amistad. **** her and **** women. I was an idiot for not taking her sexually when she gave me a chance. There's no reward for people who do the right thing. The only thing I regret is all the time I wasted on this girl waiting for her to call me back or message me. From now on my only goal with women will be to get into their panties.
randall Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 I have already tried to rub it in her face pretending to have another female interest to see if she would speed up the process, but instead she just said "i really hope u dont fall in love with her" and "what are you going to do with a girl like that??", but she was generally understanding and said that it wasnt fair for me to have to wait while she's in a relationship. It sounds like there is no emotional element at all on her side of the relationship with you. She's using these words as tools to get what she wants. Everything you have posted here indicates that she's stringing you along for her ego. She only hopes you don't find a girlfriend because she doesn't want to lose your attention. When I get angry or express some concern about her waning interest in me she comes up with all these "I love you" and "my love is with you", and "i need more time". She says 'I love you' but won't even take time to hang out with you. Her not wanting to hang out with you because she's afraid something will happen is just ridiculous. She's saying these things to you then going off to sleep with her boyfriend. It doesn't matter how deep down you 'know' she loves you because her actions clearly indicate otherwise. If she really loved you, as in loved you and not just the attention you give her, she'd be taking any opportunities she could to meet up with you. Avoiding you because of some vague notion about not wanting something to happen is a joke. She doesn't even have enough respect to give you a decent excuse for avoiding you.
Left in a Lurch Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 Thanks guys, but you're advice is kind of depressing me to be honest (even though it's true). I don't want to believe there are people who are that bad, especially not her (she has been nothing but extremely loving with me until not too long ago). I was hoping something along the lines of a "Pick up Artist" could give me some tips on getting her on my side. Ways to "game her" on the phone. When I get angry at her ignoring me and insult her over the phone she always seems to respond, but when I am nice and just asking how she is she ignores it or responds once a week. Well if you have a friend with a gf you can convince to do this, (it sounds like you want to trick her into at least temporary interest), call her late at night one time and tell her you are all alone and miss her, and then have your friend's gf make comments like, "Who are you talking to baby?" in the background and have her act like she is some girl you are hanging out with, and pretend to play it off. You'll probably get temporary attention from the girl as she tries to figure out if you found someone else. She might up her interest in you until your other friends get back.
Johnny M Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 That's the thing I don't know it. This girl's hard to read. When I get angry or express some concern about her waning interest in me she comes up with all these "I love you" and "my love is with you", and "i need more time". Buddy, she's not hard to read at all. She is messing with your head and your emotions and is getting a kick out of it. I'm sure she discusses her lovestruck admirer (you) with her girlfriends and they all have a big laugh at your expense. I understand that you're lonely and stuff, but you are not going to feel any better by obsessing over someone who is nothing but cruel to you. Girls like her are not only a waste of time; they are toxic.
TouchedByViolet Posted January 30, 2010 Posted January 30, 2010 Your situation makes me so so so sick Just thinking about the pain and anguish makes me want to hurl. I have suffered a similar situation recently and what ultimately helped me was telling her that she is using me, hurting me, and I can't handle the status quo. This led to her being all defensive saying how I am ruiuning what we have etc. and then leaving. I, like you, didn't have the strength to tell her to f off but just being honest got her to leave which ultimately freed me. Maybe one day we will be stronger men
Recommended Posts