mprettyshoes120 Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 We have fought a lot about his expectations. He expects me to do all the little things, like call him when i get home or out of work, let him know before I go out..basically all having to do with attention. The thing is he doesnt do so for me back. Ive asked him why and he says he doesnt know, he just gets caught up in the moment, and sometimes I frustrate him so he acts ways he knows he shouldnt. But today he told me he really had to tell me that he loves me, yet he cant look me in the eye and tell me hes IN love with me. And maybe thats why doing those small things dont come naturally to him. Usually i would think this would be followed by a break up, but he wasnt intending to break up with me, so what now?
thats what i said Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 Weird. When you mention how he wants you to call at the end of every day after work... he sounds like my mom. Anyway, a relationship is a two way street. If he expects you to do all these little things and nags you about it when you don't yet he can't do those same things for you... Okay, if he still insists that you do all these little things but still can't pick up a phone and also call you once in a while, tell him to shove it.
sagetalk Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 He's probably been reading this board. He sees how horribly guys get treated when they are nice to girls. "I don't want to have sex with him", "He's not attractive", "he doesn't do it for me", "I feel nothing", "I need to break up with him", "He's a great friend". Those are all comments about guys who are nice, and those guy are all toast with those girls that said those quotes. This guy is not nice and you seem to be fine with him. Heck, you seem worried he's going to break up with you . For some weird reason, this actually makes sense because it's consistent with insanity. To be 100% honest, I think some of the girls on this board bring this crap on themselves and I'm getting tired of it. He's selfish, controlling, and won't say I love you, what do you think you should do? Here's a hint, ditch him and find a guy that treats you well.
cg27 Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 Are you still in love with him? Is he worth keeping? If yes! This will be the hardest thing to do, but it works. Disappear for a while, don't call, text, email. Tell him in order to be in a relationship we have to both be in love with each other. This will drive him wild, and you will see if he loves you, because he will focus all his attention on you.
thoramaureen Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 There's not a future with someone who doesn't feel a connection with you any longer. Hanging on to the relationship is like clinging to a sinking ship. It's in both of your best interests to end the relationship.
knaveman Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 It sounds like he wants to control you, not love you.
counterman Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 I would end the relationship. Sooner or later, he's going to end it. Some of those things that he can't do for you and expects you to do for him says a lot.
tami-chan Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 end it and climb on my bed and bury myself in tons of pillows and cry myself to sleep...next day, go to the spa.....can't make anybody love you...cest la vie...
norajane Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 He expects me to do all the little things, like call him when i get home or out of work, let him know before I go out..basically all having to do with attention.That doesn't sound like he wants attention - that sounds like he's very controlling. And telling you he loves you, but can't say he's in love with you, but doesn't want to break up? That's also controlling. Now he's got you anxious about what you can do to make him fall in love with you so he doesn't break up with you. Are you happy? Do you enjoy being with him? Do you feel cared for and treasured and respected? Do you feel comfortable and relaxed with him, can joke around and laugh and tell him anything and ask him anything? Do you feel he has your best interests at heart? Does he treat you the way you want to be treated? Do you trust him? Is this really the kind of relationship you want to have, or do you feel like it should be better, like YOU should feel better in the relationship than you do? Stop worrying about how he feels. How do YOU feel? I would dump him. YOU don't sound happy to be with HIM.
Satisfaction Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 It sounds like he wants to control you, not love you. You should start thinking of your future without him and try and concentrate on you.
SarahRose Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 Why would you want to stick around with someone who treats you like garbage? Dump him and find someone better.
harmfulsweetz Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 What do you do? You ditch him. You can't stay until he finally decides 'oh wait, I love you now!' you have to break up now. For your sake.
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 When someone says they are not in love with you, it is time to leave. Period.
Awesome Username Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 I would plan my exit strategy. If you two live together and are truly invested then I might seek help to see if there are any underlying issues that would threaten an otherwise healthy relationship, but if it's not marriage material then I'd ditch him. He seems like way too much drama to me.
Stung Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 What now? YOU break up with HIM. He's controlling, withholding, and lacking in common courtesy. Even if he was "in love with" you, those would be more than sufficient reason to cut your losses and move on. No matter how much time you have spent with him, how hard it will be for you to leave, he is not going to make you happy in the end and you can do better.
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