Is an aggressive woman a turn off?

[OceanTropic]

If she's attractive then hell yeah, it's a turn-on. But unfortunately the type of woman you describe is hard to find. It's 2010 and women are still acting like it's the 19th century. Why can't they be more aggressive? Why can't they be the ones to make the first move?

 

 

I've made the first move before, and got totally rejected!! And I can understand if I hit on aggressive or dominant men, who might not like this behaviour, but even more reserved and quiet guys!!!

 

I'm totally hopeless

[Jaytb]

Just because a woman is aggressive doesn't mean she wants to do everything herself. She wants a man to take charge and have enough balls to approach her. She already knows that she might come off as intimidating, so any man big enough to speak to her is already high on her list.

 

She knows what she wants, and she wants a MAN (a.k.a someone who is not intimidated or afraid of her).

 

so by that definition a man could be defined as a totally buff lesbo who's not intimidated by anything? You think someone like that might interest you?

[Jaytb]

I've made the first move before, and got totally rejected!! And I can understand if I hit on aggressive or dominant men, who might not like this behaviour, but even more reserved and quiet guys!!!

 

I'm totally hopeless

 

men get rejected all the time. If you're a "strong" woman then you learn how to deal with it.

[Woggle]

They are good for a platonic friendship but they make horrible wives and girlfriends.

[Ruby Slippers]

The problem is that strong women typically don't attract strong men. When two alpha personalities get involved with each other, they are constantly competing against each other. That's not the basis for a good relationship. The men who claim to be attracted to such women are too afraid to approach her.

Yes. In my experience, I have found over and over and over again that men are threatened or put off by a woman who is intelligent, has real guts, and goes after what she wants fearlessly. I figured out in high school that guys would overwhelmingly show more interest in me when I masked my intelligence, played dumb and deferential, and giggled at their jokes and pretended to be more impressed by them than I was. By college, though, I said screw that and quit pretending.

 

Every single guy I have been with has told me he admires and respects my intelligence, talents, and strength, but in one way or another, they always admit they are intimidated by me and jealous of what I can do. I'm only particularly assertive when it comes to navigating my career and creative endeavors. In relationships, I take on the traditional female role naturally. In many areas, I prefer the man to be in charge, or at least to be ABLE to be in charge. I don't want a lapdog. I want a strong man who has his act together as much as I do and can keep up.

 

But I usually attract mama's boy types who are tripping over themselves to put me on a pedestal, bow down, and give me the goddess treatment. Now, I love the goddess/queen treatment , but I want a partner who is a real partner -- the king to my queen -- not a servant.

 

I have only been with one truly assertive, take-charge guy, and the way he handled logistical matters -- and me -- was SO HOT. He ALWAYS drove the car, carried everything, took out my trash for me every time he came over, paid for everything, struck up conversations with strangers at the coffee shop or whatever when we were out, guarded me like a bulldog when we were walking at night, and he was the first guy I'd ever been with who really knew how to handle me in bed. Finally, I could relax and trust the guy to take care of things. Whew! Such a feeling of relief and relaxation to melt into his capable hands. But I finally figured out that at 30, he was probably about a decade away from settling down. Too bad.

[Woggle]

Men are put off by these women because they make horrible partners.

[OceanTropic]

I have only been with one truly assertive, take-charge guy, and the way he handled logistical matters -- and me -- was SO HOT. He ALWAYS drove the car, carried everything, took out my trash for me every time he came over, paid for everything, struck up conversations with strangers at the coffee shop or whatever when we were out, guarded me like a bulldog when we were walking at night, and he was the first guy I'd ever been with who really knew how to handle me in bed. Finally, I could relax and trust the guy to take care of things. Whew! Such a feeling of relief and relaxation to melt into his capable hands. But I finally figured out that at 30, he was probably about a decade away from settling down. Too bad.

 

My ex was like that. It really IS a turn on, and very hot. It made me feel like a woman, and I really enjoyed being his company. I felt like I found an equal, and not, like how you said, a servant.

 

Where are they now? We need more of those.

[OceanTropic]

Men are put off by these women because they make horrible partners.

 

Not necessarily. Aggressive doesn't mean she has to do everything herself, and needs to be the boss. Aggressive maybe because she has to do everything herself, and doesn't have a man to help out, so she needs to step it up a notch.

 

I've never had problems in my relationships because I was aggressive. I won't lie, I become a bit more reserved in relationships, because I feel more secure and don't need to always be on my toes and fighting my way through things. I have someone who will catch my fall

[Woggle]

My ex was like that. It really IS a turn on, and very hot. It made me feel like a woman, and I really enjoyed being his company. I felt like I found an equal, and not, like how you said, a servant.

 

Where are they now? We need more of those.

 

Feminism killed these men off. Women wanted equality in relationships and now are not happy when they have it.

[OceanTropic]

Feminism killed these men off. Women wanted equality in relationships and now are not happy when they have it.

 

Those damn feminists!!!

[Woggle]

Not necessarily. Aggressive doesn't mean she has to do everything herself, and needs to be the boss. Aggressive maybe because she has to do everything herself, and doesn't have a man to help out, so she needs to step it up a notch.

 

I've never had problems in my relationships because I was aggressive. I won't lie, I become a bit more reserved in relationships, because I feel more secure and don't need to always be on my toes and fighting my way through things. I have someone who will catch my fall

 

These are the type of women who will cheat in a heartbeat because in their mind it is going after what they want. They are very self centered and base their decisions on some emotional high instead of true love. I don't think strong and independent women are even capable of truly loving a man.

[Ruby Slippers]

I have an acid test in this regard: Any woman planning to dump her little children in daycare is instantly delisted as a potential mate.

This is so unfair.

 

I have a good friend who is an amazing mother, and her kid is in daycare part-time. She was going to stay home full-time, and wanted to, but they needed the extra income. She researched the daycares in her town thoroughly and found a really good place. Her kid loves going and has made friends there. And she gets to have "adult time" for 20 hours a week, and do something besides change diapers and work on the alphabet.

 

Studies have shown that the father, mother, and child are happiest when the mother has SOME degree of time without the kid involved at all. Men tend to lose respect for women who do nothing but child-rear (even a wife they truly love), women often lose their sense of identity and contribution to larger society, and children are better off with well-rounded parents who have lives.

 

Her husband was laid off recently, and she had the luxury of going back to work full-time. Now her husband takes care of the kid while he searches for a new job.

 

I think her role in the family has been near heroic. It makes me sad to see you condemn working mothers with such disdain.

[Johnny M]

I don't mean aggressive like physically violent or abusive lol

 

I'm talking about a woman who knows what she wants, and gets it. A woman who enjoys sports every now and then, and a woman who won't rest until she gets that promotion, or solves her law case. A woman who enjoys rough sex and a woman who doesn't mind getting some dirt under her nails.

 

Is this a turn off to men? Or do men prefer a woman who is delicate and soft, is this more feminine?

It's funny that you talk about aggressive women and only mention the positive side of their 'aggressiveness'. Aggressive women also tend to be overly-opinionated loudmouths, manipulators and control freaks. In general, aggressiveness is a very unfeminine quality, so yes, it's a HUGE turnoff.

[Woggle]

Those damn feminists!!!

 

Blame them. Men are simply doing today what women have demanded of us for the past couple decades.

[OceanTropic]

These are the type of women who will cheat in a heartbeat because in their mind it is going after what they want. They are very self centered and base their decisions on some emotional high instead of true love. I don't think strong and independent women are even capable of truly loving a man.

 

I could say the same about men

 

You are mistaken, on the contrary, aggressive women (although some are like this) are often very lonely, because they want a man equally as dominant, and often never find one.

 

These woman are very much capable of loving a man, this I promise

[OceanTropic]

It's funny that you talk about aggressive women and only mention the positive side of their 'aggressiveness'. Aggressive women also tend to be overly-opinionated loudmouths, manipulators and control freaks. In general, aggressiveness is a very unfeminine quality, so yes, it's a HUGE turnoff.

 

Does aggressiveness consist of manipulation and control?? I didn't think so...

 

I thought aggressive meant fearless more than anything...

[Woggle]

I could say the same about men

 

You are mistaken, on the contrary, aggressive women (although some are like this) are often very lonely, because they want a man equally as dominant, and often never find one.

 

These woman are very much capable of loving a man, this I promise

 

What they want is a strong man to give them drama. They don't really want love because at the first sign of it they run. Plus many are feminists and tend to hate men in general.

[OceanTropic]

What they want is a strong man to give them drama. They don't really want love because at the first sign of it they run. Plus many are feminists and tend to hate men in general.

 

Ohh come onnnnn dont give me that!!

 

What woman doesn't want to be loved? I dont know if you've had bad experiences with women, but you're idea of an aggressive woman is a bit distorted, or perhaps you've only met the means ones.

 

Every single woman WANTS and NEEDS to feel loved.

[sagetalk]

Is an aggressive woman a turn off?

 

Only to men without brains .

[Woggle]

Ohh come onnnnn dont give me that!!

 

What woman doesn't want to be loved? I dont know if you've had bad experiences with women, but you're idea of an aggressive woman is a bit distorted, or perhaps you've only met the means ones.

 

Every single woman WANTS and NEEDS to feel loved.

 

Women say they want real love but really do not respond well to it when they get it. Look at all the threads on here from women who have men they admit are faithful and loving but they are bored and no longer attracted to them. They would rather chase after a MM or some other scumbag player. When women get real love they run from it.

[Ruby Slippers]

My ex was like that. It really IS a turn on, and very hot. It made me feel like a woman, and I really enjoyed being his company. I felt like I found an equal, and not, like how you said, a servant.

Yes. I never felt more feminine than I did when I was with him. His strength and masculinity brought out those traditional feminine behaviors, and this was totally involuntary on my part. He could make me BLUSH! I can't remember any other man ever making me blush. At the same time, he told me he had never "felt more like a man". He said having a woman who could take care of herself and didn't need him to do it just made him want to give me the world.

 

Where are they now? We need more of those.

I think part of the explanation lies in the fact that the traditional family unit is dissolving, for SO many reasons, and more and more men are being raised without a father figure who is present and active in their lives.

[Johnny M]

Does aggressiveness consist of manipulation and control?? I didn't think so...

 

I thought aggressive meant fearless more than anything...

I thought you were talking about the aggressive business woman type. To be successful in the business world you have to be good at controlling and manipulating - otherwise your career will get nowhere.

 

That's why professional women have such a hard time finding mates. They want to call the shots but they are not happy with a docile beta male who needs a second mother. They want an aggressive alpha male. And you simply cannot have two aggressive individuals living happily as a coupe - there's just too much opportunity for butting heads.

[OceanTropic]

Women say they want real love but really do not respond well to it when they get it. Look at all the threads on here from women who have men they admit are faithful and loving but they are bored and no longer attracted to them. They would rather chase after a MM or some other scumbag player. When women get real love they run from it.

 

Maybe SOME, but not ALL. Don't be so quick to throw us all in that same category.

 

I wish you could give me a week, and I would so prove you wrong Thanks for all the posts by the way, GREAT conversation

[Woggle]

Why do women on hand bemoan the lack of real men but then turn around and condemn the traditional values that produced these men? Why is fatherlessness celebrated as the ultimate expression of female independence when a woman has admited that a strong male role model produces a better man?

[keith800]

Speaking for myself I am attracted to what you describe as an aggressive woman. To me your description sounds more of an assertive woman than an aggressive woman but I won't debate semantics.

 

I think assertive women are attracted to assertive men & vice versa. An assertive man wants an assertive woman.