Sam_I_Am Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 I posted this under another forum, which apparently, was the wrong one. I'm gonna try and make this post short... Almost 4 months ago, I met a guy, Jay, we hooked up the same night. I didn't expect anything more out of it, but he pursued me. It felt like more than a FB or FWB, we connected on a deeper level. I would see him about twice a week and text just about everyday. In those meetings, we would talk about everything, for hours. He wants kids and what he's gonna name them, his religion preferences, his family life, I mean everything! He told me how much his exes hurt him and that he did have a heart. His ex from about 10 years ago decided to write him letters talking about how she regretted what she did and that she wanted another chance. This is the same woman who cheated with and then left him for another woman and moved to another state. He told me that he didn't know what to think about it, and what he was going to do. He started getting distant and I thought that the ex was the reason....at first. Fastforward to the beginning of December...I asked him if he'd be around during the Holidays. Well he told me that he was going see his ex for Christmas and basically that they were gonna try to work things out (she lives in another state days away). I was a little p*ssed and said f*ck it and went NC. My pride was bruised, but I moved on. Hadn't really heard anything from him until Christmas day, and I get a text from Jay, he wanted to see me. Talk about unexpected. He was alone on Christmas and I ended up going to see him. I guess I felt bad he was alone on the holidays. He was supposed to be with his ex. I asked him what was new with him and we talked about his trip and he said it only went so-so and that they might end up getting back together in 6 or so months. He told me he missed me and asked what was new with me. We had sex. Later, a friend of his comes over. Jay passed out and me and the friend end up talking. Apparently, Jay knocked another girl up during this time he was being distant with me and purposely omited this in the "what's new with you" convo. Honestly, I don't believe he would have told me unless I asked him about it, so I did. He admitted it. My feelings changed for him after finding out that little fact. I no longer wanted a relationship with Jay, but I do enjoy the sex. So I decided just to keep him around for that. I distanced myself and made it clear to him that my eyes were open this time. The thing is, since I have distanced myself and let it be known that he is not the one, he's been contacting me more and not only for the one thing. I get texts and stuff in the middle of the day. I'm seeing him just about as much as I was in the beginning of our thing. We are talking after sex now, which in the beginning, that only happened before the deed. The other night he asked me if I was getting "squirrely" on him. It was completely out of left field. I was shocked because I don't send him any signals (that I know of) that would make him think that. Just the other day he wanted me to come over, but I was busy. Assuming that he still talks to the girl he knocked up, I told him to ask her to come over. He was like WTF? He seemed upset and said he doesn't see her anymore. Ooops, my bad for assuming. Apparently, she is trying to make his life a living hell. I say Karma has his number. So I went to his house last week and we were talking, drinking, and hanging out. We were talking about his situation (back with ex, knocked up another girl, and me in the mix). He was telling me that he regretted being with her (knocked up-girl) and wished it was me instead (not the knocking up part, the being with part). He was telling me about how even though his ex f*cked him over, he has to at least try one more time, because he still loves her. He said that the fact that she left him for another woman is going to always be in the back of his head. I told him it will, and that if he couldn't let it go, they will not survive it. I told him about the new guy I'm seeing and the look on his face said it all. He wasn't happy about it and was asking me what he looked like, who he was, if he knew him, I mean all kinds of stuff that really is none of his business. He was saying that if he broke my heart, he'd be pissed, and that was the F part of the FWB. We were talking "what ifs" and he told me that if him and his ex didn't work out, he knew exactly where he was coming back to and put his arms around me. It was so unexpected I just froze with a lump in my throat and had no idea what to say to him. I told him, "I don't know what to say" and I could tell that it hurt his pride at the very least because he changed the subject fast. Later I told him that what I meant to say was "I'll take you back with open arms" and he hugged me. I was buzzed and feeling a little affectionate. I told him that I was "in like" with him and that I don't give my heart away that easy and that someone has to earn it. He's moving to where his ex is in a couple months, but told me he will be coming back to my state twice a month or so for work-related stuff. I told him I'd miss him and he said he'd let me know when his was in town so we can still hook-up. Sex with him is more intimate and touchy-feeling now. He used to never look at me and got up out of bed right after. Now there is intense eye-contact, cuddling, and after-sex talking. More relationshipy than FWB. I'm so spun by this new Jay that I don't know what to think. Went to his house again the beginning of this week and it was more of the same. I admit, There is extreme chemistry there, not like anything I have ever felt, and it's the same with him. The thing is, I know in my heart that it will not work out this time with his ex and he will be back. I just don't know what to do in the meantime. The new guy is great, but that chemistry that I feel with Jay is not there with him, at least not yet. Why is Jay acting like this now? Please be gentle. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 You're not in love with Jay. Get rid of him. He's not worth the pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sam_I_Am Posted January 28, 2010 Author Share Posted January 28, 2010 Why is Jay acting like this now? Please be gentle. So let me ask you a question, why would you want to get involved with someone who has all those CURRENT issues going on??? That is a good question. Unfortunately, I don't have the answer....I guess I just keep thinking that later on down the road, when he doesn't have the current issues going on, it might be different. I don't know know what I'm thinking....I feel like a friend to him. I'm really trying to be one, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sam_I_Am Posted January 28, 2010 Author Share Posted January 28, 2010 You're not in love with Jay. Get rid of him. He's not worth the pain. No, not in love, but there are some warm fuzzies there. I think I'm just plain addicted to him. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted January 28, 2010 Share Posted January 28, 2010 That is a good question. Unfortunately, I don't have the answer....I guess I just keep thinking that later on down the road, when he doesn't have the current issues going on, it might be different. I don't know know what I'm thinking....I feel like a friend to him. I'm really trying to be one, too. as long as you don't set a firm boundary on what you will and WON'T tolerate - it will always look like this. you don't know how you feel, what you think etc... like a log being tossed around by the waves. a firm boundary should keep you happy, healthy and safe - not at the mercy of what everyone else does or doesn't want for you. who cares what it looks like for HIM - why are YOU willing to put up with this chaos just to say that someone cares about you? that's not enough for me - and it shouldn't be for you. you should want more for yourself than that. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 From my view, he knows you have feelings for him. And you are willing to settle for 3rd place -- while having sex with you, he has sex with someone else (knocks them up - and I would bet they had sex more than once) and his ex. You want him for yourself, which is why you are taking swipes at his ex (gently) and letting him know you are there...when the others don't work out. Don't you want more than that? You already see how you aren't enough for him -- he has had sex with others while being with you? I think you are enjoying the thrill of the chase and I have a feeling you are going to get hurt...worse than you already are hurting Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sam_I_Am Posted January 29, 2010 Author Share Posted January 29, 2010 as long as you don't set a firm boundary on what you will and WON'T tolerate - it will always look like this. you don't know how you feel, what you think etc... like a log being tossed around by the waves. a firm boundary should keep you happy, healthy and safe - not at the mercy of what everyone else does or doesn't want for you. who cares what it looks like for HIM - why are YOU willing to put up with this chaos just to say that someone cares about you? that's not enough for me - and it shouldn't be for you. you should want more for yourself than that. You are completely right... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sam_I_Am Posted January 29, 2010 Author Share Posted January 29, 2010 From my view, he knows you have feelings for him. And you are willing to settle for 3rd place -- while having sex with you, he has sex with someone else (knocks them up - and I would bet they had sex more than once) and his ex. You want him for yourself, which is why you are taking swipes at his ex (gently) and letting him know you are there...when the others don't work out. Don't you want more than that? You already see how you aren't enough for him -- he has had sex with others while being with you? I think you are enjoying the thrill of the chase and I have a feeling you are going to get hurt...worse than you already are hurting 3rd place...I didn't think of it that way, but you put the fact that I'm 3rd in perspective. Maybe it's because I didn't set any rules in the beginning, I don't know. As far as sex with others, we never decided to be exclusive FWB, as I have been with another as well. So I can't get mad at him for that. I am enjoying the thrill of the chase, and I don't want to see him go back to his ex. The whole mess is frustrating. I tried to cut him out once, but I went running right back....what is wrong with me.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sam_I_Am Posted January 29, 2010 Author Share Posted January 29, 2010 From my view, he knows you have feelings for him. And you are willing to settle for 3rd place -- while having sex with you, he has sex with someone else (knocks them up - and I would bet they had sex more than once) and his ex. You want him for yourself, which is why you are taking swipes at his ex (gently) and letting him know you are there...when the others don't work out. Don't you want more than that? You already see how you aren't enough for him -- he has had sex with others while being with you? I think you are enjoying the thrill of the chase and I have a feeling you are going to get hurt...worse than you already are hurting I like your quote by the way Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 3rd place...I didn't think of it that way, but you put the fact that I'm 3rd in perspective. Maybe it's because I didn't set any rules in the beginning, I don't know. As far as sex with others, we never decided to be exclusive FWB, as I have been with another as well. So I can't get mad at him for that. I am enjoying the thrill of the chase, and I don't want to see him go back to his ex. The whole mess is frustrating. I tried to cut him out once, but I went running right back....what is wrong with me.... You just like the thrill of the chase, getting the 'unattainable' -- wanting what 'belongs' to someone else. I just see a lot of drama in your future -- the ex, the baby momma.... by 3rd place, I mean he has other women 'ahead' of you in the feelings department (at least definitely the ex that he wants another shot with). The baby momma is going to be in his life for YEARS to come. Do you really want that headache for some sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sam_I_Am Posted January 30, 2010 Author Share Posted January 30, 2010 You just like the thrill of the chase, getting the 'unattainable' -- wanting what 'belongs' to someone else. I just see a lot of drama in your future -- the ex, the baby momma.... by 3rd place, I mean he has other women 'ahead' of you in the feelings department (at least definitely the ex that he wants another shot with). The baby momma is going to be in his life for YEARS to come. Do you really want that headache for some sex? No I don't want that headache. He was only supposed to be a ONS....I just don't know how I let it get this far. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sam_I_Am Posted April 29, 2011 Author Share Posted April 29, 2011 I totally love your little tag!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sam_I_Am Posted April 29, 2011 Author Share Posted April 29, 2011 You're not in love with Jay. Get rid of him. He's not worth the pain. I totally love your little tag!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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