cartierbenjamin Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 You have an ex, which you've been through a lot with. The only thing is he has really messed you up (i.e. cheating, using you). For almost a year on and off he is trying to get back in your life. He is out of state currently, you think about him and think maybe he has changed his ways. During the time your apart with your ex. You meet a new guy and you enjoy spending time with him and like him a lot. You've been dating him for about a year. He didnt want a relationship at first because he was scared, but now came to the realization that he does want one. The girl is young (early 20s) thinking about who can she be with in the long-term future....is she settling for less in any of these circumstances.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I'd rather be with someone who wants to be with me rather than wait for another to come around. Besides if you are talking about an ex, I would never go back to him to begin with. Primarily because I know the kind of person he was and still is and to knowingly put myself in a position to get hurt by an ex is stupid on part.
Crazy Magnet Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 How does one date for a year and not want a relationship??? For sure I'd never go back to the ex.
paddington bear Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Cheating guy will most unlikely not have changed. Looking for you back for reasons due to either bruised ego or control-freakery. People don't change unless they themselves want to. He may arrive back in your state and act like he's changed, you take him back and found out that he hasn't. It's a power thing on his side. Wants what he can't have, when he can have it again, he doesn't want it. What's the cliché - once a cheater always a cheater - might not be the case, but tread carefully. How many times do you need to learn the same lesson with the same guy? You don't say how you feel about guy 2, just about him, scared first now happy to commit to you. Basically you are with someone who wants to be with you, but hankering after someone who cheated on you. Ask yourself are you doing that thing that a lot of us do? Subconsciously going after the unavailable ones to the detriment of the ones who actually do want you? Ask yourself if you dumped guy number 2, got back with mr. Cheater, and he cheated again, how would you feel in regard to guy number 2?
Author cartierbenjamin Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 How does one date for a year and not want a relationship??? For sure I'd never go back to the ex. She wanted a relationship after about 5 months...The new guy told her be patient he is trying to transition to that stage....He liked her a lot and she was the only one he was dealing with he was just scared of being heartbroken again. He treated her like his girlfriend, then a couple months later he was ready to make that move. She was hesistant...but still wanted to be around him.
Crazy Magnet Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 She wanted a relationship after about 5 months...The new guy told her be patient he is trying to transition to that stage....He liked her a lot and she was the only one he was dealing with he was just scared of being heartbroken again. He treated her like his girlfriend, then a couple months later he was ready to make that move. She was hesistant...but still wanted to be around him. Well that makes sense. She got completely rejected. I'd be a bit miffed too if somebody didn't want me the first time around, and then decided I was good enough. I can see how that rejection would be harder if Mr. Smoke and Mirrors Cheater Guy were after her heart again. Maybe she should cut her losses on both sides and find a.)someone who is not a cheating loser and b.) somebody who is 100% into her The second guy sounds sort of iffy IMO. If he can't commit after five months to the title of bf/gf, he should have let her go find a man who really wanted to be with her. He probably screwed himself over with that move.
Johnny M Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Women have a 'change fetish'. That's why they start dating men who they are clearly not compatible with and then try to change these men to fit a certain mold (which of course never works). To a woman, the idea of a cheating ex who has 'changed' and become a 'good person' is practically irresistible. Of the two guys you described, most women would pick the ex, no matter what they say (unless the new guy is significantly better looking and/or higher on the social status ladder).
carhill Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 .is she settling for less in any of these circumstances. Yes, IMO. I'd suggest having her spend another 5-10 years perfecting her people picker before committing long-term, like marriage.
OceanTropic Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Why would she want to go back to her cheating ex??
Author cartierbenjamin Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 Im not sure why she would. It's basically one treats her well and one treated her well but she has issues she think she can resolve. Could it be the second guy was just a replacement?
carhill Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 She's probably still emotionally bonded to the ex, albeit a traumatic bond, and the second guy was just filler material. If she bounces to and fro, without sufficient alone time to grow on her own, her people-picker and subsequent relationships will likely suffer. Alone time doesn't mean celibacy and solitude, rather refraining from significant emotional attachments. My bet is she'll go back to the ex. I feel the wind whistling in my rapidly thinning hair
Jesper Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 You have an ex, which you've been through a lot with. The only thing is he has really messed you up (i.e. cheating, using you). For almost a year on and off he is trying to get back in your life. He is out of state currently, you think about him and think maybe he has changed his ways. During the time your apart with your ex. You meet a new guy and you enjoy spending time with him and like him a lot. You've been dating him for about a year. He didnt want a relationship at first because he was scared, but now came to the realization that he does want one. The girl is young (early 20s) thinking about who can she be with in the long-term future....is she settling for less in any of these circumstances. In both situations she is settling for less than she deserves.
littlebittle Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 well, no way i would go back with a cheating ex. once someone cheats, trust is so hard to bring back. especially if he was lame in other ways. i'd probably look for someone new.
OnlyJake Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 In both situations she is settling for less than she deserves. x2 ......................
Awesome Username Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 I'd rather be single than have the drama of either one.
tami-chan Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 I'd rather be single than have the drama of either one. I agree...what is with the "be patient, let me think this over if I like you enough to be with you long term"? please....either he is in or out... and the other...hmm..I wouldn't go back to somebody who cheated on me.. next!
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