Author shadowplay Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 Then use this as your counter-argument. But I will recommend that making superficial issues about hair and clothing, a sticking point between the two of you, isn't a wise idea. I'll also add that you know that trying to change someone, who doesn't want to change, can cause resentment. Anyone can ask for anything but it's up to the individual, whether they want to change or not. And if they won't change, it's up to you to decide to put up with it or not. Does short v. long hair really matter, right now? When he gets out of school and goes job hunting, it's very possible that he will change it on his own. I would just leave things as they are right now, since it's too soon to be concerned about this. Yeah, I'm going to drop it for now. Maybe in a few years if he still hasn't cut it and it still really bothers me I'll try to tactfully broach it again. Hopefully in the meantime (assuming we stay together), his hair will grow on me. Or maybe a little elf will cut his locks in the middle of the night. But seriously, I don't want to cause strife over something so trivial.
threebyfate Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Yeah, I'm going to drop it for now. Maybe in a few years if he still hasn't cut it and it still really bothers me I'll try to tactfully broach it again. Hopefully in the meantime (assuming we stay together), his hair will grow on me. I don't want to cause strife over something so trivial.Just frenchbraid it or put it into pigtails when you play with it. Then show him his reflection in the mirror. Enough times of this and he will start to cringe himself.
anne1707 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Shadow I don't think I have posted on one of your threads before but I have read them. I have to admit that I have some concerns for your relationship with your boyfriend because you have started so many threads about problems/issues/questions/doubts (whatever you want to call them) about someone you have only been dating a few weeks. I am not saying that there are problems with him or problems with you but somehow, it feels to me as if something is wrong. There just seem to be too many "ifs, buts, whys" being asked. But I'll be more than happy if you prove us doubters wrong
Author shadowplay Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 Shadow I don't think I have posted on one of your threads before but I have read them. I have to admit that I have some concerns for your relationship with your boyfriend because you have started so many threads about problems/issues/questions/doubts (whatever you want to call them) about someone you have only been dating a few weeks. I am not saying that there are problems with him or problems with you but somehow, it feels to me as if something is wrong. There just seem to be too many "ifs, buts, whys" being asked. But I'll be more than happy if you prove us doubters wrong That's just my obsessive nature rearing its ugly head! I have a bad case of ADD and I sometimes focus on my love life as a distraction from more pressing things. There's really nothing wrong with our relationship -- just me. He's an amazing guy, and if you saw us together you'd never guess I was like this.
rina_r Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Do you have long hair? Does it look juvenile and dirty on you now? Will it look juvenile and dirty on you when you are older? Will you chop off all your hair once you are older to avoid the look of long hair on an older person? my advice is you don't love him - at least yet. I agree. Once you love a person, you love everything about them.
threebyfate Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 IMO, people are confusing love and viable relationships. You can love someone AND see all their flaws and positives. But if you want a viable relationship, you have to learn to let some things go/accept some things, within reason.
meerkat stew Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 My business partner and I will come there and give him a haircut if you like, will take both of us to hold him down (and if he's strong, you may need to help too) because we don't use drugs or stun-guns any more, that stuff makes them crap their pants and the smell gets in the hair. We sell the hair to high dollar wigmakers, but they don't pay much for it. So we have to charge you $5000 (our liability insurance premiums are extremely high, we incite much litigation). Now that may sound like an expensive haircut, but we have testimonials from satisfied customers posted on both our webpages, www.humanhairmerchants.com and www.wewillcutyourboyfriendshair.com
hoping2heal Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 This is a bit of a touchy issue, and I could really use some advice. My boyfriend has long hair, a bit past his shoulders. I'm not crazy about long hair on guys but it hasn't bothered me before since I love him. Even before we started dating I thought he was adorable and didn't mind the hair. Now it's starting to bug me because he's basically indicated that he plans on never cutting it unless he goes bald or lands an amazing job that requires it. He said the youngest he ever would is 35. Since he's only 22 (just turned this week), I thought it was a passing phase or whatever. A lot of young, musical/creative guys have long hair. But I seriously don't know if I could be with a guy who has really long hair way into adulthood. Over a certain age it would become a huge turn off to me. It probably wouldn't be a deal breaker, but it would really bother me. I know it's superficial but to me it looks juvenile and dirty on an older guy. I view it as the equivalent of a man dressing as a ratty teenager for life. This all came up because about a week ago he mentioned to me that he sometimes toys with the idea of cutting his hair and asked me if I'd like that. At the time I didn't want to offend him so I said, "whatever you want." I thought about it and brought it up again last night and said tactfully to him that if he wanted to cut his hair, I might find it cute. Immediately I could tell he was torn. He moaned and groaned and finally said he couldn't do it, that he was too attached to his hair. He said that it's been long since he was ten, and he had to endure teasing as a kid for his hair, so it's sort of a matter of pride or something. He said he might consider cutting it over the summer, but he wasn't sure. I dropped the issue as he clearly doesn't want to cut it. It seems to be a major part of his identity. But before I dropped it I told him that while I can't tell him to do something he doesn't want to, I need him to know that he never ever cut it that would bother me. I know it seems silly, but I can't deny how I feel. Any advice? OP, it amazes me that almost everytime you make a post, you are picking at something to do with your boyfriend. I typically have always liked the clean cut look myself. Husband (to be ) has wild hair and I insist he doesn't cut his scruff.To me he looks so sexy it wouldn't matter, he would look good in anything to me. That's how you should feel about your SO. Instead like I mentioned before you seem to constantly be picking at something about him or your relationship. You haven't even been together that long. I mean I don't know what; but something is clearly lacking for you in this relationship.
alphamale Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 I mean I don't know what; but something is clearly lacking for you in this relationship. yea short hair on her old man
Left in a Lurch Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 Do you have long hair? Does it look juvenile and dirty on you now? Will it look juvenile and dirty on you when you are older? Will you chop off all your hair once you are older to avoid the look of long hair on an older person? my advice is you don't love him - at least yet. Women don't have a choice. It's evolution at work, as they get older their hair gets shorter and poofier until they are little old ladies with a tiny head and a big poof of blue hair on top of their head.
hoping2heal Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 yea short hair on her old man LOL - okay that was funny
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 It's funny how I don't agree with any of you on something being wrong with Shadow's relationship. Her threads just make it obvious that she likes to obsess and over-analyze (and I can relate!). In fact, if the content of her threads is anything to go by, I do not see any real red flags in anything she posted. It is obvious that this guy is crazy about her. My initial concern was that she doesn't feel as strongly for him but as time goes by, I think that she does. BTW I think that long hair is hot, but I prefer it somewhat above the shoulders.
OceanTropic Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 How did he react when you told me it would bother you?
Buttnutter100 Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 OP you can make a deal with your fiance. Just tell him that as long as he agrees to cut his hair by the time he is 30 you will agree not to let your tits sag. Good deal for him I think.
Skump Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 Again, that's not love, Shadow. Loving someone is accepting them for who they are, right now, in the present, flaws and all...NOT expecting or wanting them to change. Uh, that's bullsh*t. You've heard of self-destructive behavior? Sometimes love entails outright intervention in a SO's life. This is a tangent observation, admittedly, as bad taste in hair could hardly be regarded as a serious character flaw. However, I couldn't let the quoted assertion pass without comment: Taken literally, it's a limp-dick ethical posture that's basically an ally to vice.
Jaytb Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 Tell him to shave that mop, and get a job, hippy! And while you're at it, GET OFF MY DAMN LAWN YA LITTLE WHIPPER SNAPPERS!! Oh sorry, not yet Jay, someday though it will be my time.
counterman Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 I have a few friends with pretty long hair and it was considered their "thing". It was their identity and no one could take that away from them. In saying that, even they came around to cutting it once it got too long (in their eyes). Just let it be for now
Art_Critic Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 I don't think there is anything wrong with making recommendations on a SO's looks, lifestyle or just general health. In all my relationships that I've had, in most of them the woman have changed my dress.. I have always considered it labeling me their turf. It would be wrong to make something such as hair length ( shoulder length at that ) a sticking point in a relationship. If it did become a sticking point then I would think their is more at work here than just someone's preference. I prefer my wife was on time when we go out.. hahahaha I prefer she has anal sex with me all the time.. hahahaha I prefer that my wife dresses provacative all the time..hahahaha Shadow.. nothing wrong with wanting him to cut his hair but he has every right to not wnat to cut it.. You like him enough to date him so his hair isn't really a sticking point.. Why now ?
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 Shadow - I agree with not trying to FORCE him to change. You're going to have to learn to accept whatever his choice is. HOWEVER - he asked you your OPINION and you didn't give it. Then, when you brought it up again, in spite of how strongly you have stated it here, you gave him a wishy-washy: Might be kinda cute if you cut it. At the very least, I think you owe it to him to be honest. State your preference with confidence and strength, and let him deal with it how he sees fit.
Citizen Erased Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 You were given the perfect chance to tell him what you really thought and you blew it! Being truthful is so important, but being comfortable enough to tell your guy how you really feel is the key. You're not there yet obviously, for one reason or another. Be upfront with him, he will appreciate that more than you coming to him a week or so later all "um well actually..." For the record I'm not a fan of long hair on a guy either, can't blame you there!
Author shadowplay Posted January 29, 2010 Author Posted January 29, 2010 Thanks for the feedback from people who genuinely tried to help. Often I feel like there's a small, vocal contingent on LS who try to define things, including love, in rigid terms. This group drives a lot of people away from the site. Just because I write a lot of threads doesn't mean that I'm in a less than wonderful relationship or that I don't love my boyfriend. I am and I do. It says more about my obsessiveness than anything else. I care about him deeply and I want things to work. Doesn't mean I wouldn't prefer him with shorter hair.
Author shadowplay Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 The idea grew on him, and he let me cut it last night. It looks infinitely better, and he's really, really happy with it. He keeps saying he's glad I encouraged him to do it.
Itzonator Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 The idea grew on him, and he let me cut it last night. It looks infinitely better, and he's really, really happy with it. He keeps saying he's glad I encouraged him to do it. Ok ... so what this has to do with dating? Do you have any questions?
Author shadowplay Posted February 16, 2010 Author Posted February 16, 2010 Ok ... so what this has to do with dating? Do you have any questions? It's an update on another thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t219231/
Leia Posted February 16, 2010 Posted February 16, 2010 Ok ... so what this has to do with dating? Do you have any questions? Shadow has her reasons for posting it in this section. I didn't know we have a new forum police on here. The idea grew on him, and he let me cut it last night. It looks infinitely better, and he's really, really happy with it. He keeps saying he's glad I encouraged him to do it. I read that thread but didn't comment on it. As long as you guys are happy with the outcome then who can tell you it's not love, right?
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