pepsi Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Ok, here is a quick run down...I was previously married. Only for about a year we rushed into things wife turned out to be psychotic/cheater. Was supposed to be pregnate with my child, etc. Really messed me up mentally you know? She constantly cheated on me which I didn't know until after the relationship was over and also slept with two people I know at the same time. She was a busy bee... Literally about 2 weeks later I meet the girl that I am with now. I didn't like her at all honestly it was just a casual thing and we were both ok with that. A little later(about 2 weeks) we decided to date and about 3 months later she became pregnate. We are young. Early twenties. It has been 2 years that I have been with her. I will be honest, I didn't know if I had wanted to be with her or not and her being pregnate didn't help things any better...Well we had 2 weeks apart and one night at a bar myself and an older woman engaged into some activities. Literally like 4 seconds and it was over. I saw a ring on her finger that I didn't see before. I used the situation that presented itself to see if I honestly wanted to be in a relationship or if I didn't. I know now after finally moving on from my "wife" and everything that she put me through that I really do love the woman that I am with and I love my family more than anything. I know for a fact that if she found out she would leave and never come back or forgive me...I know I need her now. It isn't because I feel guilty for what I've done its because I know now...I always knew that I had cared for her but I didn't know if I was "in love" with her. After this experience I realize that I always did love her but there was a mental block from my previous relationship. I mean vowed myself unconditionally to another person and she pretty much spit on me...She is literally the best thing that has ever happened to me. I never cheated while I was married. I have fooled around while in a dating relationship because I am young and living my life. I know now I want to be with her and give my all to her because I haven't done that at all I've always kind of half assed everything because I was so nervous on the inside that she would do the same thing to me...I know now that she is not that kind of woman and I know that I do not want to be that kind of man who is always nervous and insecure...I am ready to put everything behind me and start new and give my all to her and God willing if we are still together 2 years from now I would love to ask her to be my wife...I wonder what people will say when they read this? I can honestly say that if the roles were reversed that I would not want to know about it but I would be ok with it because of the previous situation the partner was put into and people can become to frail and weak...I know because I have been the past almost 3 years now since my marriage. I'm sorry to say my life isn't like a hollywood love story and I am a human being and I make mistakes but I am thankful for the experience because now there is no not knowing. There is no more anger inside of me, no more insecurity. Sleepless nights...I don't walk around frustrated all the time and hating where I am at. I know now I want to be a family and I believe that is all that matters and no I would never do it again at all even if we didnt get married for 10 years or married at all. As long as she continued to love me and be by my side I would be the happiest man alive... I love her more than anything in this world and I can honestly say that I would die for her...I don't know how many people can honestly say that but I know that I can without even hesitating...
hoping2heal Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 You don't love her, not really. The only person who you are thinking about is yourself, your interests, your benefit.
Author pepsi Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 How do you figure that? Sometimes you need to only think about yourself. You can't put other peoples emotions into play when making a serious decision. No one can do that for you but yourself.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 How do you figure that? Sometimes you need to only think about yourself. You can't put other peoples emotions into play when making a serious decision. No one can do that for you but yourself. You took out your frustrations on your wife on this poor girl. How is this not selfish? And you went about things the wrong way to get to this end result.
2sure Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 You have lied to her emotionally for years, cheated on her...and now what? Its like you want to convince yourself your actions were doing her a favor.
Author pepsi Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 I agree I wish the result would've came another way but it didn't. I didn't lie to her emotionally for years or any of that. For 9 months out of the relationship she was pregnate and I my emotions were ramlbing in every other direction...Yes and I agree it was very messed up of myself to take things out on her but I did and I've already apologized to her for acting alot of the ways I did...She met me at the most difficult time in my life. I literally didn't know who I was, what I wanted. The only thing I knew is that I wanted to be around for my child. There are plenty of things that could've been done that would've been more acceptable but it didn't happen that way. Things happened the way they did. We are not engaged at all...I don't understand why it is such a crime while you are in just a "dating" status? Aren't you dating a person to find out if you want to be with them, to get to know them, learn more about yourself? It all is a learning experience an thats what I have done, learned...Is that a crime? I'm not convincing myself of anything. That was one of the biggest problems I had. I would convince myself I wanted to stay and it was for all the wrong reasons and then I would convince myself I wasn't ready and that too was for all of the wrong reasons...I don't convince myself of anything. I don't even need to question it anymore. Is it so wrong that after all the time of darkness that I've found light? Because this wasn't about her at all. It was me. It's not selfish, its fact.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Had she not have gotten pregnant would you have chosen to stay with her? I think it would had been easier for you to move on completely had you had your fun with her as a rebound. Despite your ex wife, you're now unfaithful to your current girlfriend.
Author pepsi Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 Yes, I would've stayed with her if she wouldn't have gotten pregnate. I didn't know that then. Unfortunately I wasn't even capable of answering that question before...I believe things would've been easier without her being pregnate though honestly. I wouldn't have had that influence, pressure from outside influences to stay because it was the right thing do to, leave, etc. After our child however is when I knew I needed to figure it out because I did not want to waste her time.
Hop_prophet Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Its not a crime but maybe it should be. It is one of if not the most hurtful thing you can do to a person and it can scar them for life. It is digusting to me how cheating has become so acceptable in our society. If you are in a committed relationship and you cheat then its not less of an offense because you aren't engaged. I'm sure she is not ok with this especially when she is carrying your child. You said yourself that she would leave you and she probably should. You are rationalizing what you know is deeply wrong. Think about how it affected you.
Author pepsi Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 I do understand that it was wrong what happened but I didn't at the time. That what I am trying to get at...I do know how it affected me for the past 2 years literally. I do not want her to go through the same thing and I didn't want to be like my ex and be married and do the things that happened. And I wasn't committed to her emotionally. My emotions would be running in all other directions. I stayed commited to her physically up until that point. I didnt' want to waste her time with me. I gave myself time while we were away from each other to figure out if I really wanted to be there or I didn't. And I realized that I did and I did all along. I was just unable to mentally put myself out there to be what I knew I could be. Now I can and have been for the past year and a half. And can honestly say I will never do it again.
Author pepsi Posted January 30, 2010 Author Posted January 30, 2010 Also, after the event I realized it was all emotional as well as psychological and I seeked helped. I realized I could never be happy because of my childhood growing up and pretty much my entire life up until the point I met her. So I seeked professional help and after about 10 months of therapy I have honestly become a better loving person. I've become a better father, I've become a better partner. I would like to ask her to come to a therapy session one day after about a year of therapy and I want to tell her and the reasons why it happened and show that I knew I made a mistake and I took the initiative to fix it and be the change and not just say it. Just out of curiousity what do you think will happen or would you do in that situation? I know of course there will be hurt and betrayel but if that person stepped up to show you that they weren't in a safe place mentally and they overcame those issues would you automatically burn them or would you accept them for their flaws and their faults and know it will take alot of work but try to move past it?
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