BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Why the heck doesn't this site have a BS section?!?!?!? I am so ****ing sick of OW/OM coming here and saying whatever they damn well please but if one of us go to the OW/OM forum we are jumped! Why the hell is there a double standard on this site???? I love coming here and spilling my guts and feelings to a bunch of complete strangers but I find SOME of the stuff that people write hurtful..and its just the wrong place for it...sorry just venting...
Brokenlady Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 (edited) If you find it hurtful or offensive, you can always report it. I haven't spent much time over here, but I haven't seen anything lately posted by an OW that was out of line - so I really am not sure what you are referring to specifically. And from what I've seen lately over on the OW/Om forum, there hasn't been much infighting. Most of the BS's that post over there are very considerate, polite, and provide excellent insight. There are some, and they know who they are - that go over to OW/OM and spout nastiness too. It is unfortunate, but having the forums open to both camps is the only way we can get good perspective. I'm sure there are other websites with dedicated forums. Edited January 28, 2010 by Brokenlady
Snowflower Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Personally, I would never go in a forum just for BS's. I think there would be just too much negativity and bitterness there for it to ever be a good place for me to visit. I like the more balanced view here. I get some of what you're saying about getting blasted over in the OM/OW if a BS makes a comment over there. But, I have seen BS's (and others) go over and say some pretty rude stuff. I get why OW/OM often see BS's as bitter...some of the comments make me cringe and I'm a BS. TBH, I've seen far fewer instances of OW/OM coming over here to Infidelity simply to flame BS's. Most of the time, OW/OM do try to help or offer their perspective when they come to this board...and often get flamed for their efforts.
Samantha0905 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Why the heck doesn't this site have a BS section?!?!?!? I am so ****ing sick of OW/OM coming here and saying whatever they damn well please but if one of us go to the OW/OM forum we are jumped! Why the hell is there a double standard on this site???? I love coming here and spilling my guts and feelings to a bunch of complete strangers but I find SOME of the stuff that people write hurtful..and its just the wrong place for it...sorry just venting... Good point. Actually, I never get why anyone gets jumped on for posting anywhere as far as these sections are concerned. I mean we all are intertwined in a sense -- the BS, the OW/OM and the cheating spouse. I find it interesting to read everyone's opinions and have learned from all.
Author BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 I find this site VERY helpful because you get to see both sides...but I honestly think there are a few women on here who should think before they type..its sad that there are OW/OM who have no remorse or sympathy for the BS..and its those very few people that cause most of the bitterness in the BS. We have every reason to be bitter ya know? I did nothing wrong in my marriage..I'm clean, loving, honest, sexually adventerous, loyal, cook ALL the time..and take care of my H and children emotionally. That didn't stop him from telling his OW how horrible and pathetic I was...there are 2 sides to everything, do you have to be so cold????????
Brokenlady Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 (edited) I find this site VERY helpful because you get to see both sides...but I honestly think there are a few women on here who should think before they type..its sad that there are OW/OM who have no remorse or sympathy for the BS..and its those very few people that cause most of the bitterness in the BS. We have every reason to be bitter ya know? I did nothing wrong in my marriage..I'm clean, loving, honest, sexually adventerous, loyal, cook ALL the time..and take care of my H and children emotionally. That didn't stop him from telling his OW how horrible and pathetic I was...there are 2 sides to everything, do you have to be so cold???????? I can understand why certain comments could sting, but please consider seperating the idea of lacking sympathy for the particular BS in their situation to lacking sympathy for any BS or more specifically, BS's that are here on LS. Most OW that I've seen are quick to clarify that they were referring to their specific situation, and not trying to describe attributes of all BS's. In general, OW's here at LS are quite sympatethic to BS's here, and many OW have been previous BS's themselves. Edited January 28, 2010 by Brokenlady
NoIDidn't Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Personally, I would never go in a forum just for BS's. I think there would be just too much negativity and bitterness there for it to ever be a good place for me to visit. I like the more balanced view here. I once posted on a private board for only betrayed spouses. It sucked. Lots of infighting with just the BSs because some absolutely couldn't see how their negative words about the OW who wasn't there, or any child conceived in the affair were uncalled for. There is nothing quite like a person who feels they have the higher ground and they are going to use it for all its worth. But, I have seen BS's (and others) go over and say some pretty rude stuff. I get why OW/OM often see BS's as bitter...some of the comments make me cringe and I'm a BS. So true. It makes me cringe to read any poster being nasty towards an OP, much worst a BS because it feeds into the many stereotypes about betrayed spouses. If I do so, everybody/anybody, please PM me and tear me a new one there. I try to be careful with my triggers, but am not always successful. And to the OW that it may happen to, please accept my advanced apology before the more specific one.
Angel1111 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I always thought that the 'infidelity' section was for the BS. But, yeah, I guess what you say makes sense - there's not a section specifically set up for the BS.
PhoenixRise Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 OP I see your point. Sometimes there does seem to be a double standard. The OW/OM have a semi protected forum where they assert their right to say whatever they please and in some cases bash BS pretty hard. But when a new BW comes to infidelity and posts her pain and anger and bash OW in her situation you have OW who come here and post some pretty harsh things to her. However I agree with Snowflower. I would not want to post in a forum that was exclusive to BS and Frankly, I think the OW/OM forum is a better place because it is NOT exclusive to AP's. When I first started reading here I was stung from time to time by some of the comments and attitudes of AP's here. Over time I was also stung from time to time by some BS who have little respect for BS who reconcile the M. In general, I think it is a good thing to have your thinking and assumptions questioned from time to time. The only way this can happen is if you have people from diverse background to interact with.
blinded Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I find this site VERY helpful because you get to see both sides...but I honestly think there are a few women on here who should think before they type..its sad that there are OW/OM who have no remorse or sympathy for the BS..and its those very few people that cause most of the bitterness in the BS. We have every reason to be bitter ya know? I did nothing wrong in my marriage..I'm clean, loving, honest, sexually adventerous, loyal, cook ALL the time..and take care of my H and children emotionally. That didn't stop him from telling his OW how horrible and pathetic I was...there are 2 sides to everything, do you have to be so cold???????? I am sorry for your situation, but if he lied to his OW about that- what other lies did he tell her? Some OW are just as hurt by the lies told to them by the MM. Doesn't excuse their behavior, I know. Just thought I'd point it out. I always thought that the 'infidelity' section was for the BS. I am a xWS/ xMOW, where to I belong?
hopeless4u Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Why the heck doesn't this site have a BS section?!?!?!? I am so ****ing sick of OW/OM coming here and saying whatever they damn well please but if one of us go to the OW/OM forum we are jumped! Why the hell is there a double standard on this site???? I love coming here and spilling my guts and feelings to a bunch of complete strangers but I find SOME of the stuff that people write hurtful..and its just the wrong place for it...sorry just venting... I think sometimes it just depends on who is online at the time you write your post TBH. As an xOW, I have had some serious bashing from BS(not all, just some) on the OW forum when all I posted was my feelings at the time. I do think most OW and BS on here truly do just want to give advice, some harsher than others but I guess thats just the way it goes. Vent as much as you want, you will see with the replies you get who is worth listening to and replying to and who is just posting to hurt you. Just my opinion:)
silktricks Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I am a xWS/ xMOW, where to I belong? Right here with the rest of us who are fixing our lives/ need to vent/ still trying to understand life/ or just still hooked on LS
Samantha0905 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 And just as a reminder, if someone is really upsetting to you or you'd rather not read what they have to say -- just put them on your ignore list.
Author BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 My H had no reason to tell his OW lies..she was a friend of ours, she knew I was pregnant. Someone said that the OW/OM forum is semi-protected, and that is an understement. Come here and you can say anything about how your MM is "sexstarved" and "the BS is so clueless" "she'll never find out". Its very hurtful to hear all of this BS.. On another note I've met some OW oh here who are truly in a terrible situation..they realize the pain they are causing on others and more than anything on themselves. The person they are in love with is married... and thats gotta suck, I've never been there and can't imagine but I would hate it. but I can't believe that some women get away with acting like stealing or screwing married men is a hobby that they constantly brag about. Would it be acceptable if I went to the OW board and said "I got my husband to leave her, he picked me..he said shes unstable and lazy, and horrible in bed..so I made him take a shower and put his wedding ring back on and we made sweet love" I would be CRUCIFIED!!!!!! I wouldn't want to visit a BS exclusive board..but I would like someone to take up for us....and the OW board isn't too happy of a place to go to either. There is a lot of bickering and sadness.
Author BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 And just as a reminder, if someone is really upsetting to you or you'd rather not read what they have to say -- just put them on your ignore list. Thanks Samantha! I just figured that out today!
Brokenlady Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Would it be acceptable if I went to the OW board and said "I got my husband to leave her, he picked me..he said shes unstable and lazy, and horrible in bed..so I made him take a shower and put his wedding ring back on and we made sweet love" I would be CRUCIFIED!!!!!! I recall one brand-new BS in her immediate pain did almost exactly that. It was a "thank you letter to the OW" because she and her H were having a lot of make-up sex. As you might imagine, a lot of OW took major offense to that. That poster is quite likeable, and that post wasn't really representative of her contribution to the LS community since then. I figure that sometimes when any one of us is having a particularly painful day, we may lash out at the closest representative of the "opposite" group. I think I have a better idea of where you're coming from now and what you are referring to. The poster you are referring to is sort of an anomoly, and not really similar to the other women who identify as OW or fOW.
NoIDidn't Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I recall one brand-new BS in her immediate pain did almost exactly that. It was a "thank you letter to the OW" because she and her H were having a lot of make-up sex. As you might imagine, a lot of OW took major offense to that. That poster is quite likeable, and that post wasn't really representative of her contribution to the LS community since then. I figure that sometimes when any one of us is having a particularly painful day, we may lash out at the closest representative of the "opposite" group. I think I have a better idea of where you're coming from now and what you are referring to. The poster you are referring to is sort of an anomoly, and not really similar to the other women who identify as OW or fOW. Really? Someone did that? Where was I? On a forced break or something?
Buttnutter100 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Why the heck doesn't this site have a BS section?!?!?!? I am so ****ing sick of OW/OM coming here and saying whatever they damn well please but if one of us go to the OW/OM forum we are jumped! Why the hell is there a double standard on this site???? I love coming here and spilling my guts and feelings to a bunch of complete strangers but I find SOME of the stuff that people write hurtful..and its just the wrong place for it...sorry just venting... They have no sense of decency.
Snowflower Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 (edited) My H had no reason to tell his OW lies..she was a friend of ours, she knew I was pregnant. BEJ, but don't you see as much as it probably hurts you, that your H was the one who told his OW that cr*p about you? Whatever else SHE did to undermine you and your marriage, your H was the one who got it started by telling her the lies about you. I know, it hurts. Would it be acceptable if I went to the OW board and said "I got my husband to leave her, he picked me..he said shes unstable and lazy, and horrible in bed..so I made him take a shower and put his wedding ring back on and we made sweet love" I would be CRUCIFIED!!!!!! Yes, you probably would be crucified for making such a post and sadly, you probably would receive almost the same bashing from OW if you posted it here in infidelity...where supposedly this is your 'place' to post such a thing. It is a double-standard on these boards...for whatever reason, the BS is held to a higher standard than the AP. I think it is more of a societal/IRL issue along the lines of 'turn the other cheek.' Yeah, right. When I first started posting here about my sitch, I said that my H had never loved his xOW. And it was true...he never did consider her more than a good friend. The bashing I got for that statement from OW/OM and even some BS's was severe, especially in my rather fragile emotional state at that time. I was basically told I was stupid for believing such a thing and no matter what I said to defend myself/my marriage/my husband, I was flamed. So yeah, there is a double-standard and I think it has to do with the hurtful nature of affairs. BS's here have to (to some degree) 'put up and shut up' just like they do IRL many times. Edited January 28, 2010 by Snowflower Grammar!
PhoenixRise Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I recall one brand-new BS in her immediate pain did almost exactly that. It was a "thank you letter to the OW" because she and her H were having a lot of make-up sex. As you might imagine, a lot of OW took major offense to that. That poster is quite likeable, and that post wasn't really representative of her contribution to the LS community since then. I figure that sometimes when any one of us is having a particularly painful day, we may lash out at the closest representative of the "opposite" group. Really? Someone did that? Where was I? On a forced break or something? I remember this. Brokenlady is right. The poster she is referencing is likable and that particular post is not representative of her contribution here. People say and do things when they are in pain that they might not otherwise.
Author BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 Snowflower, she persued him. Hot and heavy...He made me look like an idiot to make himself not feel so bad about having an EA with her. So...maybe that is why I want to choke the woman who makes a MM her target..because this is what was done to me.
Angel1111 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I don't think the majority of OW are proud of being with a MM, and definitely not thrilled about hurting someone else. The people you're referring to just make a game out of going after married men. There are sites out there that are strictly for the BS but maybe a section should be added here. It's not about whether it would be a happy place to visit or not - how many sections on here are? But it's about giving you a safe place to vent.
PhoenixRise Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Yes, you probably would be crucified for making such a post and sadly, you probably would receive almost the same bashing from OW if you posted it here in infidelity...where supposedly this is your 'place' to post such a thing. It is a double-standard on these boards...for whatever reason, the BS is held to a higher standard than the AP. I think it is more of a societal/IRL issue along the lines of 'turn the other cheek.' Yeah, right. When I first started posting here about my sitch, I said that my H had never loved his xOW. And it was true...he never did consider her more than a good friend. The bashing I got for that statement from OW/OM and even some BS's was severe, especially in my rather fragile emotional state at that time. I was basically told I was stupid for believing such a thing and no matter what I said to defend myself/my marriage/my husband, I was flamed. So yeah, there is a double-standard and I think it has to do with the hurtful nature of affairs. BS's here have to (to some degree) 'put up and shut up' just like they do IRL many times. Again I have to agree with you regarding the double standard. Some OW are ok with other OW posting highly negative things about BS in OW forum (and sometimes here in infidelity too) and if any BS object they are told it is the OW forum and such things are expected and OK. BS who post in infidelity are not given that same courtesy. But I disagree with the put up and shut up part of your post. I think BS are just as entitled to their truth as the OW and the WS. OW in the OW forum and here in infidelity post their truth as THE truth all the time. BS/BW should do exactly the same.
Author BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 I recall one brand-new BS in her immediate pain did almost exactly that. It was a "thank you letter to the OW" because she and her H were having a lot of make-up sex. As you might imagine, a lot of OW took major offense to that. That poster is quite likeable, and that post wasn't really representative of her contribution to the LS community since then. I figure that sometimes when any one of us is having a particularly painful day, we may lash out at the closest representative of the "opposite" group. I think I have a better idea of where you're coming from now and what you are referring to. The poster you are referring to is sort of an anomoly, and not really similar to the other women who identify as OW or fOW. I'm glad someone sees where I'm coming from. I guess I wasn't around when this other post was going around...I like coming here but I don't like reading about the "dark side" of affairs. I'm open minded but when I read some posters comments I think "thank God my H's OW was not this woman" because some sound like they will stop at nothing for that validation.
Snowflower Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 But I disagree with the put up and shut up part of your post. I think BS are just as entitled to their truth as the OW and the WS. OW in the OW forum and here in infidelity post their truth as THE truth all the time. BS/BW should do exactly the same. Oh I don't agree with it either. I'm just saying that is how it seems to be many times. It's part of that double standard that I alluded to. I'll use my situation as an example again. If I post here that my H never loved his xOW, that he felt that getting involved with her was the worst thing he had ever done, or that our marriage is much better now and that my H truly loves me...well this is the truth but I do run the risk of getting flamed for it. I could possibly hear all sorts of potentially hurtful things...so I find it better not to emphasize what I strongly feel is the truth (my H did/does love me and not her, etc) in my situation 'cuz I just don't want to hear any bashing that might come along. It's the 'put up and shut up' in my case.
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