silktricks Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 So, I was reading another thread and realized that I was interested enough in this topic to start a thread. In my opinion, women are a very competitive lot. I work almost totally with men, so possibly I see the competition between women in a little different light - but when I'm placed into a temporary location/position for a few weeks/months and interact mostly with women instead of men, it's always a huge adjustment as the competition can be most uncomfortable. Though I think the WS "put" the OW & BS into competition with each other in a specific relationship, basically I believe that many (most?) women are simply competitive - for many things but often for the attention of men. My husband and I have gone to parties and I'll watch (some) other women and how they approach my husband. They are definitely in "competition" with me for his attention. He hasn't done a blessed thing, other than be there. He says this never happens when I'm not around... (obviously I only have his word for this - as I'm not around to see it ). And I do believe that some women are into the competition of attracting married men, not necessarily because of the man, but rather because he is married. Some prefer MM because of not wanting commitment, true. But I believe there is often a competitive factor as well. JMO - comments?
2sure Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Definitely some merit there. Aside from the competition between BS and OW/OM created by (and for) the WS... Yes, women do compete - more than men? Not sure about that. I have had this experience several times: Women who are in the same field as ME, or who have some association with ME, and who are inclined to compete with me either professionally or socially ...hit on my H. I either walk away or show no notice and they lose interest. lol. THEN, if they are married and I meet THEIR husband...I act like there could not be a less interesting person on the face of the earth!! Yeah, we compete.
Spark1111 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Hmmmmm...interesting I should be the first poster here! I am the youngest child by many years and only daughter of the family. My mother is also the only daughter. My father also had only one sister and a whole posse of brothers. Yes, I have learned the hard way how competitive women can be with each other; whether it be marital relationship, attractiveness and financial success of husband, accomplishments of children; material possessions and physical beauty. It's annoying to me and smacks of being the lesser class in society because we still seem to think we need all of these external objects to demonstrate we are good and desirable women. Evolutionary biologists will claim that this is because our importance was related to how well we nurtured the clan. I say it is time to get out of the cave! Sociologists will tell you, that as long as the lesser class percieves it does not hold equal power, it is prone to in-fighting and competition amongst itself. If I hear one more woman judge another by her looks and not her intelligence, character and achievements, a I will scream. Men, who still retain most of the power in our society, rarely sit around praising or denigrating another male based on his physical appearance or how clean he keeps his home! They admire power, strength, and personal and financial achievements!
Spark1111 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Yes, I agree. A financially stable MM is a true prize because a) he demonstrates that he has the emotional wherewithal to be in a long-term relationship with one woman... and b) he demonstrates the ability to financially provide for his clan. Evolutionary biologists would label him an alpha male, and that makes him extremely desirable to all women. They would compete with each other to attain him.
Author silktricks Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 Yes, women do compete - more than men? Not sure about that. . I don't think women compete more than men, either. I think women compete with women more than men compete with women - and vice versa. I also think women and men compete somewhat differently amongst themselves... i.e. men's competition is different from women's competition (though I could definitely be wrong about that..)
Author silktricks Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 If I hear one more woman judge another by her looks and not her intelligence, character and achievements, a I will scream. Men, who still retain most of the power in our society, rarely sit around praising or denigrating another male based on his physical appearance or how clean he keeps his home! They admire power, strength, and personal and financial achievements! They compete in these things... and really what is the difference between men competing on their strength and women competing about their beauty? Men competing about their financial achievements and women competing about their homes. Men competing about their power - and women competing about their sexual power... It's all competition.
Lizzie60 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I only read the OP post... I have to agree that women are competitive among themselves.. but not for a man.. not in my case anyway. I do prefer MM because I don't want commitment.. but to say it's because I am in competition with their Ws.. nope.. not at all.. I don't think about the W... nor we rarely talk about her... in my case, she's not even relevant... I do not want to hurt her.. as I will never take her husband away from her.. it's not my goal.. So.. in my case, it's not about competition.. it could be if I wanted him for myself.. to get him away from her.. then yes... I can see that it could be competitive.. just not in my case.. (to be honest, with the ones I've seen, (not all)... there is no competition)...
Samantha0905 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I think it is definitely true. Women, a lot of times, are catty and simply not nice to other women if they find them threatening. Sometimes if a woman is merely attractive, she is considered a threat by other women. I've also noticed when a woman is a professional, a lot of times they demean those they think are not "accomplished" such as S.A.H.M.'s, etc. I've also heard professional women complain S.A.H.M.'s think they are not "good" mothers. There's way too much time spent evaluating each other. Why should people give a rat's behind about surface impressions? I'd rather decide if I like someone (or not) based on their personality and how well we mesh. A good heart towards others goes a long way. If someone is physically beautiful -- good for her. If she's a rocket scientist -- woohoo. If she loves (and is able) to stay home with her children -- more power to her. It seems men spend more time discussing details, business, sports, etc. whereas women spend more time talking about each other in a negative manner. I suppose this goes along with what Spark mentioned about sociology. Of course, I'm generalizing here -- not every woman or man. As far as women hitting on my H, just the other night we were at a sports function and my husband told me each time I went to the restroom -- and I was drinking a lot of water -- this particular woman who seems to be "on the prowl" was making her approach. She's a single woman and attractive. I've noticed her hitting on various married (and well to do) men at these functions, but not my own husband because I'm in the bathroom when she's doing it. If someone does it right in front of me, I follow 2sure's approach and simply ignore it by walking off to talk to other's, etc.
BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 What a great topic! I have noticed in life and on LS that there are plenty women out there that are what I like to call "man-eaters" they prey upon married men because well...there are reasons he is unavailable and they like the thrill...the thought of a man who is supposed to have eyes for one woman only, lusting over them. It makes them feel powerful, especially over the W. I have seen this a lot and I think it has to do with something missing in them. As far as women competing over petty stuff...oooooh yes. They do it all the time. I used to be so headstrong, confident and ABSOLUTELY never saw anyone as competition till my H started breaking me down emotionally...EA...Porn...Stripclubs...then I started having a complex...now everything is a competition. I am officially one of those "it’s not just about what’s inside, it’s outside too". That’s why I say women who feel the need to constantly compete, something is broken. JMHO
OWoman Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 And I do believe that some women are into the competition of attracting married men, not necessarily because of the man, but rather because he is married. Some prefer MM because of not wanting commitment, true. But I believe there is often a competitive factor as well. I'm probably not best placed to comment on this since I'm one of those women who went for MMs because of the "not wanting commitment" thing rather than the competitiveness thing, but I've certainly seen lots of competition among women. I'm concerned at the lengths some people are prepared to go to, though, sacrificing their dignity in the process.
Woggle Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 As a man I can tell you that a wedding ring is like a woman magnet. They want what another woman has or what they can't have and it boosts their ego to take a man away from another woman. People talk about the male ego but the female ego is even worse if you ask me. There are some men who get a rush out of taking another man's woman but not many.
2sure Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 As a man I can tell you that a wedding ring is like a woman magnet. They want what another woman has or what they can't have and it boosts their ego to take a man away from another woman. People talk about the male ego but the female ego is even worse if you ask me. There are some men who get a rush out of taking another man's woman but not many. Gotta agree..but the EGO thing...I think its different. While this type of "poaching" or competition probably is an ego thing for the guy that takes another ma's woman....for women I dont think the competition is generated by ego so much as insecurity.
Samantha0905 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 What a great topic! I have noticed in life and on LS that there are plenty women out there that are what I like to call "man-eaters" they prey upon married men because well...there are reasons he is unavailable and they like the thrill...the thought of a man who is supposed to have eyes for one woman only, lusting over them. It makes them feel powerful, especially over the W. I have seen this a lot and I think it has to do with something missing in them. As far as women competing over petty stuff...oooooh yes. They do it all the time. I used to be so headstrong, confident and ABSOLUTELY never saw anyone as competition till my H started breaking me down emotionally...EA...Porn...Stripclubs...then I started having a complex...now everything is a competition. I am officially one of those "it’s not just about what’s inside, it’s outside too". That’s why I say women who feel the need to constantly compete, something is broken. JMHO I agree -- something's broken -- just like something is broken in those who have an affair. And apparently, something's broken in your H (no offense meant) as he is (intentionally or not) trying to break down your self-confidence which in turn makes him feel better for some reason. My daughter is going through a similar situation right now and it is slowly chipping away at her self-esteem, which was always pretty healthy. A person who intentionally goes after a married person also has something seriously amiss inside. I'm not saying any AP, but someone who sets out looking for a married person for the convenience of non-commitment. In my opinion, this is someone who does not really love themselves and tries to validate themselves via this power of having someone else's spouse. It's sad and a lack of loving themselves, which in turns makes them unable to love others. If you hold no regard for the feelings of another, something is missing in you. Thus, most people feel guilty when they are having an affair. My AP told me one time he felt terrible doing something behind another person's back (my husband) and I know he meant it. It chips away at a person's soul to participate in an extra marital affair. I've only come across one person in my life who had affairs seemingly guilt free. He is one messed up puppy and his life has continued to spiral downhill over time.
Woggle Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 [/u] Gotta agree..but the EGO thing...I think its different. While this type of "poaching" or competition probably is an ego thing for the guy that takes another ma's woman....for women I dont think the competition is generated by ego so much as insecurity. Boosting the ego is all about insecurity. The male egp is rooted in insecurity and this type of behavior is as well. These women do this in order to make themselves feel sexy and feminine. That is egotistical behavior down to it's core.
Lizzie60 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I agree -- something's broken -- just like something is broken in those who have an affair. And apparently, something's broken in your H (no offense meant) as he is (intentionally or not) trying to break down your self-confidence which in turn makes him feel better for some reason. My daughter is going through a similar situation right now and it is slowly chipping away at her self-esteem, which was always pretty healthy. A person who intentionally goes after a married person also has something seriously amiss inside. I'm not saying any AP, but someone who sets out looking for a married person for the convenience of non-commitment. In my opinion, this is someone who does not really love themselves and tries to validate themselves via this power of having someone else's spouse. It's sad and a lack of loving themselves, which in turns makes them unable to love others. If you hold no regard for the feelings of another, something is missing in you. Thus, most people feel guilty when they are having an affair. My AP told me one time he felt terrible doing something behind another person's back (my husband) and I know he meant it. It chips away at a person's soul to participate in an extra marital affair. I've only come across one person in my life who had affairs seemingly guilt free. He is one messed up puppy and his life has continued to spiral downhill over time. I have to disagree with the bold part... I think it's quite the opposite.. although I do not think about their Ws... I have more feelings towards her in a way than the OW who wants to take her H away... see.. I don't.. because.. more than their W... .their children are most important..
Lizzie60 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Boosting the ego is all about insecurity. The male egp is rooted in insecurity and this type of behavior is as well. These women do this in order to make themselves feel sexy and feminine. That is egotistical behavior down to it's core. Come on. .now... honestly.. who doesn't like to have their ego boosted... name ONE person... there is NO ONE... we all love validation and ego strokes.. once in a while.. it's normal...
Woggle Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Come on. .now... honestly.. who doesn't like to have their ego boosted... name ONE person... there is NO ONE... we all love validation and ego strokes.. once in a while.. it's normal... Everybody likes to feel good but those who need constant external validation have issues. A women who can only feel sexy by taking another woman's man has deeper issues than just wanting to feel good. They have a whole that can never be filled.
Lizzie60 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Everybody likes to feel good but those who need constant external validation have issues. A women who can only feel sexy by taking another woman's man has deeper issues than just wanting to feel good. They have a whole that can never be filled. you probably meant a 'hole'... was that said on purpose... you naughty boy...
Samantha0905 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I have to disagree with the bold part... I think it's quite the opposite.. although I do not think about their Ws... I have more feelings towards her in a way than the OW who wants to take her H away... see.. I don't.. because.. more than their W... .their children are most important.. You said: I don't think about the W... nor we rarely talk about her... in my case, she's not even relevant... I do not want to hurt her.. as I will never take her husband away from her.. it's not my goal.. You don't want to hurt her as you will never take her husband away from her? You're assuming only taking him out of the marriage would hurt her. I imagine it's as devastating as the death of a loved one to find one's spouse has been unfaithful. That's hurting her and both the cheating spouse and the OW or OM are hurting her. What is your goal and why can that goal not be met with a single man? Or hired help? Making that statement is as ludicrous as it would be for me to say I had no intention of hurting my husband or deeply harming (possible ending) the love in our marriage when I chose to have an affair.
Author silktricks Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 A person who intentionally goes after a married person also has something seriously amiss inside. I'm not saying any AP, but someone who sets out looking for a married person for the convenience of non-commitment. In my opinion, this is someone who does not really love themselves and tries to validate themselves via this power of having someone else's spouse. It's sad and a lack of loving themselves, which in turns makes them unable to love others. If you hold no regard for the feelings of another, something is missing in you. Thus, most people feel guilty when they are having an affair. My AP told me one time he felt terrible doing something behind another person's back (my husband) and I know he meant it. It chips away at a person's soul to participate in an extra marital affair. Although for the women who I have known IRL who do this I would agree with your assessment, I do believe this is a limited view as neither of us know IRL all people and all circumstances. I don't think as a matter of course that everyone who specifically prefers having affairs with married men to dating single men has "something broken inside". There are a lot of people in the world and a lot of reason for actions. I'm certain that not all are "broken". JMO
NoIDidn't Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I think some of the competition is normal for teenagers, not for grown women. I used to regularly "take" other girls boyfriends as a warning to them or their friends for crossing me. It was never about the guy, but about the point that was taken away from it. It was childish then, but even moreso as an adult that knows better. But I grew out of that phase pretty quickly when I realized that I started attracting nothing but guys who enjoyed watching girls compete over them. I call this the "MM mentality". Its not shared by all MM, and is common among quite a few single guys, but that's what I call it. And the single guys that have it, tend to take it into married life and cheat repeatedly anyway. Some men encourage the competitiveness among women over them. They get the ego stroke from it, and the woman that "wins" gets an ego stroke too. But the problem with the competition is, when its over. No more thrill. No more potshots at the competition. And really taking a good look at the prize reveals he's not a prize at all. In As, I think this competitiveness among the women involved is on another level from the grade school stuff. Now, there are lifestyle factors involved. Does the man have a good job, community status, or other item that the women want to claim for themselves? If so, this guy can be assured that women who know about these things are going to throw themselves at him, married or not. Does the guy take good care of his family, children, possessions? Then there is a woman out there that is paying attention to that. I've never felt the need to compete for my H's affection or attention. It can come across to some as me taking him for granted, but its just a level of security I have in myself and in our relationship.
Lizzie60 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 (edited) You said: You don't want to hurt her as you will never take her husband away from her? You're assuming only taking him out of the marriage would hurt her. I imagine it's as devastating as the death of a loved one to find one's spouse has been unfaithful. That's hurting her and both the cheating spouse and the OW or OM are hurting her. What is your goal and why can that goal not be met with a single man? Or hired help? Making that statement is as ludicrous as it would be for me to say I had no intention of hurting my husband or deeply harming (possible ending) the love in our marriage when I chose to have an affair. Yabutt... she will NEVER know... we are being extremely careful... if they get caught.. it certainly won't be MY fault... the MM will have done something stupid... but so far.. we take extreme care to cover up.. and methink those Ws are happier than before. Edited January 29, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Samantha0905 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Yabutt... she will NEVER know... we are being extremely careful... if they get caught.. it certainly won't be MY fault... the MM will have done something stupid... but so far.. we take extreme care to cover up.. and methink those Ws are happier than before.. (their H are not sex starved anymore ) Well, not that I think you care one way or the other (and I don't mean that smart alec in any way) -- but I'm certainly not trying to come off as judgmental as I have my own issues with which to deal. I just would hate to be in her position if she does find out. I don't know if a "what she doesn't know, doesn't hurt her" philosophy really rings true. It can't be helping their devotion to one another or to the marriage. silktricks, nothing applies to everyone -- as each situation is different -- so it wasn't said as an absolute opinion. I can't imagine anyone intentionally seeking out married men to have affairs is completely without some sort of relationship issues. It is most certainly veering away from the norm of accepted behavior in our society.
Author silktricks Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 silktricks, nothing applies to everyone -- as each situation is different -- so it wasn't said as an absolute opinion. I can't imagine anyone intentionally seeking out married men to have affairs is completely without some sort of relationship issues. It is most certainly veering away from the norm of accepted behavior in our society. I actually didn't think you meant it that way, but <all > of us have a tendency to speak universally, even when we aren't truly thinking that way. And.... though LS is hosted in the US, and probably most of us live here and experience this society, the society in the U.S. is not a world wide society. What is norm here isn't the norm everywhere. Basically, I just put it out there as a reminder, not for you, but for me, too..
Lizzie60 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Well, not that I think you care one way or the other (and I don't mean that smart alec in any way) -- but I'm certainly not trying to come off as judgmental as I have my own issues with which to deal. I just would hate to be in her position if she does find out. I don't know if a "what she doesn't know, doesn't hurt her" philosophy really rings true. It can't be helping their devotion to one another or to the marriage. silktricks, nothing applies to everyone -- as each situation is different -- so it wasn't said as an absolute opinion. I can't imagine anyone intentionally seeking out married men to have affairs is completely without some sort of relationship issues. It is most certainly veering away from the norm of accepted behavior in our society. I happen to think differently.. I think that in a lot of cases.. it does help them... Example: My MM is sex starved... she withhold sex for X reason.. he comes to see me.. we have great sex... even things she doesn't do with him (ie bj) ... I wear sexy lingerie... soft music... candles.. etc.. etc.. the whole nine yards... he's in heaven when he comes to see me... he returns home.. happy... she's happy cause he has stopped begging for sex.. she thinks he finally 'lost' his libido... the kids are happy cause their parents are happy... Some of them I have been seeing for over 6 years now... the Ws have absolutely noooo idea... because it's mostly done during work hours..
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