Mr.P Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I've been seeing my girlfriend for 14 months now, we're both in our mid 20's and she has her own house whereas I'm still living at home with my parents. She kept the house after her divorce a few months before we met up again (old school friends!), but now having great difficulty in affording it. We're having big problems now though and I don't know if it's me being totally unreasonable, or whether she is just not understanding my wants and needs. She desperately wants me to move in but I cannot afford it as I'm about to spend many thousands on pursuing the career of my dreams - a childhood dream. This is my number 1 priority. I live at home rent free, and I can live with her for free without paying anything but it's bad enough watching her now - not having anything to eat because she can't afford food, heating is often off to save money, there is no way I can live there for free and let that happen! But I can't afford to help. She also wants to get married again, but I'm really not keen on the idea. I just don't feel ready for marriage yet. She sees that as I will never marry her. I just have no plans for marriage yet! I can't get married if I can't afford to support myself in my current situation let alone live together as a married couple. I work away a lot - week on week off roster, when I'm home she hasn't seen me for a week so wants to spend every second with me, and wants me to stay over every night. I can't sleep in her house, I don't know what it is as it's a comfy bed and when the heating is on it's the nicest room in her house. When I'm at work, she thinks I'm ignoring her if I don't reply to her txts sharpish. It's just because I'm busy because I'm in work but she can't understand that. I also want to see friends and family when I'm home, something she does when I'm away! I've been invited out by some friends twice a week since November and until last night I haven't been able to. I went out last night and there was a bombardment of "you don't love me", "you're not in to me", "you don't care about me at all" text messages which I thought was really unfair. I spend most nights with her when I'm home, despite the fact I can't sleep at hers, and if I'm home I go out with another friend every Monday night for a couple of beers, again much to her disgust. Late last year my sister in law found out she was pregnant and lost the baby all within about 2 months, it took me about 2 weeks before I could see them both after the ordeal and again I felt like I was given a hard time for seeing them when I got home instead of her. She has a 15 year old dog and I don't know what's up with it but it smells disgusting. I can't explain it! I'm a dog lover, I had one for 17 years, but I really don't like her dog! You know where it is in the house just by the smell. It also leaves presents every day / night on the carpet and laminate flooring which is starting to warp the floor. I have suggested getting baby gates to keep the dog downstairs to at least try and keep the upstairs smelling nice but she thinks that's cruel and got upset for me even suggesting that. Even dog nappies to protect the carpet/floor if she doesn't want to keep it downstairs only. She used to let it sleep in the bedroom overnight but I had to put my foot down and say no to that because the smell was so bad! It has a problem with growths all over it but she won't take the dog to the vet because she can't afford it. I have offered to pay any bills because it could be in a lot of pain but she refuses on principle that I shouldn't have to pay for her dog. She eventually took the dog to the vet and she needs a urine sample from it. Granted it would be pretty difficult to get one from a dog but with the frequent lakes on the laminate floor it shouldn't be too difficult to get a fresh one! This has been going on for about 2 months now. All these problems are pushing me away. But I love her, but I can't stand the constant battle of this relationship! I don't know what to do. I've constantly told her that if it's marriage and me to have a Mon-Fri 9-5 job she wants, then she needs to find someone else. I can't get married now and I can't move in with her. I'm trying to sort my future out first before being in a position to have a future with her. She sees that as she doesn't fit in my plans for the future. When I'm home I want to see friends and family as well as her. My career is my dream and I'm currently training to achieve that dream and will do anything to get it. I don't want to move in with her because I can't afford to, don't really like her house and her dog, and I can't sleep there. I don't want to get married because I don't feel ready for marriage. Am I a complete cock or am I being sensible? Is she being unreasonable? Are we even meant to be together? I just don't know Any suggestions / abuse you can give me over my attitude?
Silver_star Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Why doo u love her? What is it about her that keeps you so attached? Maybe start to look past all of the circumstances and see what it is your holding onto. If your not into it, your not into it, but to be fair to her let her go...she would be upset/heartbroken (and i wouldnt suggest telling her all that crap in this thread ie; your dog smells,) but she will get over it in time. Also, you dont want the same things. Does she not have any family to live with? Can she not live with your family and sell the house? Until she gets back on her feet? It seems like you are less concerned about her and more concerned about your own comfort. Hey, if that is the case...you arent doing her any favors by sticking around. Go pursue your dreams and secure your future, and let her know whether or not shes in those dreams. Dont drag her along. Thatss the definition of selfish
sunrae Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I dont think you have an attitude, you just seem very confused right now.. Apparently you care for her because you wouldnt be in the relationship, but it seems like there are a lot of big issues in your way right now, and not able to commit to her. She sounds a little needy... does she have friends of her own? Hobbies or anything like that? Because it almost sounds like she has made you her whole world.. Have you told her you dont want to get married? Have you told her why you dont want to stay over? Sounds like to me you need to sit down and have a LONG conversation and then go from there.
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