David V. Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 My name is David. Good morning/afternoon/night to everyone. I'll try to make my story short and to the point. I have been in a relationship for three years with the most wonderful woman I had ever met, and with which I had learned so much. But I became weakminded, and she had not infinite patience. She dumped me by mail. I could not resist crying before my mother. Who not only not supported me but chastised me, claiming loudly that I had been committing a three year mistake. And what is worst........she abused me into telling her every little secret and showing her every little picture of her. Some days later, when I regained my sanity, I researched about the ways to get her back. Like dropping from the face of the earth, improve and strengthen myself, and dare show myself once more to her when I had become a better man, rid from the faults that made her dump me to begin with. But yesterday, I stumbled with a page of hers, in which she publishes what happens in her life. ..and I found that my mother, the very day she dumped me, sent her hate mail, deconstructing her into basically a sl*t, a b*tch, and whatnot. I was horrified to have known that, and did my best to attempt to tell her I had NOTHING to do with it. My mother had done this entirely BEHIND MY BACK. But she not only not replied to me, but she blocked me out. As of this moment, she wants nothing to do with me. ...will she find it within her heart to believe me someday? Is this truly a lost cause? Can I really live with the knowledge that my most loved person now hates me because I was framed by my own mother?
DustySaltus Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 David, welcome to LS. Real tough situation here. All I can say is that when someone loves you and wants to be with you, they will stay with you through thick and thin. I know a lot of people that don't get along with their spouses parents but they find a way to make it work. When there is a will, there's a way. I don't understand, she dumped you by mail or email? Why was her patience growing thin with you? Did she give you a chance to try and fix your end of the bargain? I say your end of the bargain because i'm sure she has her faults as well, you were just able to overlook them. Did your mom's letter go out or was it sent before hers? Either way you need to speak with her and tell her that you appreciate her thoughts but she needs to respect your boundaries. I'm sure she's just trying to protect you but she may have gone a little too far this time. Strong couples can get past things like this. My ex-fiance and mother didn't get along but we tried to make it work. Of course when we were having problems she said that my mom was fake but that's a whole different story. We can choose who are families are. Mature and committed people find a way to accept that and get past it because the person that they are in love with would be much more comfortable in them doing so. I'm sorry you had to go through this. You apologized to her, now take a step back and let her come to you. In the meantime do not contact her and read the link below. Good luck.
DenverBachelor Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 ...will she find it within her heart to believe me someday? Is this truly a lost cause? Dude, my ex lied to her family and everyone else with the story that I had tried to break into her apartment (or had gained access in the past). She filed a restraining order and it was at that point when I realized after reading it that she either outright lied, completely misframed something or twisted facts around completely. It was right then that I realized she wasn't who I thought she was and the onus was on me to discover why I thought she was somebody completely different. She's gone man so let her go. No matter what you do or say, you're not that precious guy in her eyes any more. Just let it go and start the healing process. Believe me, I tried to convince my ex's father that I never once tried to get into her apartment or make a copy of the old key, etc. -- but then I realized blood is thicker than water and he's going to believe whatever BS my ex fed to him while I went from "that great guy" to some crazy stalker in their eyes. At some point I realized that there is nothing I could do to fix my image but that tainted image is with her and her family and they're out of my life now and I know who I truly am and the truth behind all the accusations flying around. It sucks that your mother intervened but this is why I tend to keep my relationship issues between myself and whoever I'm dating at the time. If I go to others, they're only getting half the story anyhow.
Author David V. Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 (edited) There is a will on my part, and I had been looking for a way. For these days I wanted to become the better person she would be more comfortable with. My mother's hate mail came after the breakup. I came crying to my house, she ordered me to tell her everything and based on that, she made the hate mail, right behind me. And I of the belief that truly strong couples can survive through many obstacles. That belief lay in the very core of my belief system. I HAD to find a way, lest I think of myself as nothing less than a failure, for having allowed my belief to crumble right before me. Her patience, without my knowledge, grew thin because I was becoming a codependant partner. Then one day, she could not bear it anymore and sent me an email in which she said that. ========================================= If anyone thinks about insulting me because I told everything to my mother, I will tell you some things. First, I was already too unstable, and furthermore I was abused into doing it. I already hate myself infinitely since the moment I found out the true scope of the consequences of that decision. Second, I thought I could not fall any lower with her. It was the end of my world that day. Third, I never in a thousand years, neither fully sane, or far less broken as I was, did I imagine my mother would do something so horrible with that information pried out of her son via severe emotional and physical beatings. Edited January 28, 2010 by David V.
VBH Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 via severe emotional and physical beatings. Hi David, I really do feel for you and your situation. A relationship ending can often be a very devastating experience emotionally. Truly. However, before you worry about the ex-gf, I am a bit concerned by some of the wording quoted from your post above. Emotional and/or physical abuse is never acceptable under any circumstances....no matter the frequence. Is there some way for you to get some professional assistance with this? This is not a healthy situation. Best wishes, VBH
Author David V. Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 I am not too concerned with that.....since she will leave this house to marry her new partner, leaving me in peace here. And I am already on a road to strengthen myself even from that. That day was the worst in my entire life. Though it did not kill me [yet]..
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