Scarlett513 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Just let me start by saying I know I'm being ridiculous. I experience high levels of anxiety when my boyfriend (of about 3 months) goes out drinking without me - which is rare. He has given me no reason not to trust him, and I know that going out for a couple beers with the guys is generally innocent and I shouldn't be so worried about this. He's not going anywhere shady, and I honestly believe that he wouldn't do anything to screw up our relationship. I think the problem is that I've been cheated on in all of my significant past relationships. The thought of him going out, getting drunk around a bunch of beautiful women makes me really nervous. I'm 25 years old, I need to be an adult about this. I have not and will not mention my anxiety to my BF, because I know it's stupid and I don't want to start problems over nothing. But how do I get over it in the meantime? Anyone have any good ideas?
counterman Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Discussing it with your boyfriend is far from stupid. I am sure if you mention your anxiety to your boyfriend, he will reassure you that nothing will happen. It is normal to feel anxious if your boyfriend is out drinking without you, especially if you have been cheated on in the past, so do not ever feel stupid for bringing it up. So, I am sure if you talk to him about it and, if he is understanding, he'll comfort you about this. In saying that, that is not 100% the case. Sometimes, a person may overreact to it and it may seem like you are accusing him of doing something wrong. If that happens, then obviously he's not understanding you. However, if you decide not to bring the subject up, I suggest you hang out with your girlfriends when he's with his mates. Just do something that will keep you preoccupied and have a bit of fun. There is no point moping around, wondering whether he is up to no good. Trust him to not do anything stupid and trust yourself to believe that he won't.
BackUpOrGetStung Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Xanax!!!!!(gotta be 10 characters to post)
bayouboi Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Discussing it with your boyfriend is far from stupid. I am sure if you mention your anxiety to your boyfriend, he will reassure you that nothing will happen. It is normal to feel anxious if your boyfriend is out drinking without you, especially if you have been cheated on in the past, so do not ever feel stupid for bringing it up. So, I am sure if you talk to him about it and, if he is understanding, he'll comfort you about this. In saying that, that is not 100% the case. Sometimes, a person may overreact to it and it may seem like you are accusing him of doing something wrong. If that happens, then obviously he's not understanding you. However, if you decide not to bring the subject up, I suggest you hang out with your girlfriends when he's with his mates. Just do something that will keep you preoccupied and have a bit of fun. There is no point moping around, wondering whether he is up to no good. Trust him to not do anything stupid and trust yourself to believe that he won't. I recommend NOT following the advice to talk to him about it. To me it would say you don't trust him and that you're insecure. I do agree with the advice of occupying your time with your girls when he's out with his guys. Although, honestly, if I were totally into a woman, I'd want to spend most of my free time with her and if I wanted to hang with my boys, she'd be there with me. Guys only nights would be rare.
make me believe Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 If you talk to your bf about it in the right way then it shouldn't start any problems. Just explain to him that you KNOW you're being unreasonable, but because of your history of being cheated on, you get really anxious when he goes out without you. Make sure to emphasize that he hasn't done anything wrong and that you're trying to get over these feelings. I'm sure he will understand and reassure you. And, yeah, everyone else's advice to go out with your girlfriends or do something else to occupy yourself when he is out with his friends is a really good idea!
You'reasian Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Come up with a solution that includes you (this would be cool if I had a gf that would do this) Give him a ride to the drinking establishment and pick him up - saving him the trouble of having to find a designated driver. Then when he's slightly intoxicated, bring out the romance....
Crazy Magnet Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I tend to be wide open in the communication arena, so I personally would bring it up. Explain how I felt, why I felt this way, and even ask him for advice on how I could stop doing this behavior. Guys love to be Mr. Fix It. I do agree to really emphasize how you know he would never betray your trust and how you know it's all in your head. Hopefully he'll have some great suggestions (like he'll always come home to you that night, or something similar) Keeping things bottled up inside has never worked for me as they tend to come out at the worst times ever.
Recommended Posts