stace79 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Oh please. Most women dread the thought of being single forever...even if they put on a brave face and pretend that 50 is the 20 or whatever Personally, I don't dread it anymore, although I'll give you that you're right about most. After a miserable 3.5 year relationship to a guy I almost married, I'm so happy to be single right now it isn't even funny. I can do what I want when I want, and I am not accountable to anybody but myself and perhaps my dog. It's fantastic. I really don't understand why I wanted a boyfriend so bad in my 20s lol.
Author Itzo Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 I'm picky in the sense that I will not let men disrespect me or jerk me around like I would when I was younger and more stupid. I had the realization that I don't need a relationship to be happy or have a fulfilling life. So now, I focus on the realities of whether or not someone is compatible with me. And not everyone is. Just like I wouldn't work with just any man. I don't look down on anyone for it, I just realize that certain traits or characteristics of certain men wouldn't fare well for a long-term relationship. For example, in years past I might have overlooked a smoker just because I wanted a boyfriend so bad. Not anymore. I hate the smell of it and refuse to kiss a man who smokes. I am a huge animal lover, so a man who doesn't love dogs and wouldn't want one in our house would never work out with me. It's not about finding the perfect man -- it's about being realistic about compatibility. You have very deep psychological problem. I believe I am the FIRST person telling you this. I have some background in psychology & human behavior ... seriously ... if you want the Mr. Perfect in your life, you have to LEARN how to make sacrifices. Ohhh he doesn't like DOOOOGS, so this is not the man for me ..ppfff PLEASE!!!! That's just lame!
stace79 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 You have very deep psychological problem. I believe I am the FIRST person telling you this. I have some background in psychology & human behavior ... seriously ... if you want the Mr. Perfect in your life, you have to LEARN how to make sacrifices. Ohhh he doesn't like DOOOOGS, so this is not the man for me ..ppfff PLEASE!!!! That's just lame! There just are no words. Thankfully for me, you don't reside in my country, so I don't have to worry about ever ending up on a date with you.
Author Itzo Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 There just are no words. Thankfully for me, you don't reside in my country, so I don't have to worry about ever ending up on a date with you. What country you live in?
Author Itzo Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 There just are no words. Thankfully for me, you don't reside in my country, so I don't have to worry about ever ending up on a date with you. Poor girl ... you are so attracted to me That's just sad!
Johnny M Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Personally, I don't dread it anymore, although I'll give you that you're right about most. After a miserable 3.5 year relationship to a guy I almost married, I'm so happy to be single right now it isn't even funny. I can do what I want when I want, and I am not accountable to anybody but myself and perhaps my dog. It's fantastic. I really don't understand why I wanted a boyfriend so bad in my 20s lol. So you're just out of a miserable relationship and taking and break from dating. That's normal and understandable. But this phase will pass, take my word for it. And then you will become like most women again. The very fact that you are posting on this site indicates that you're not so hot on the idea of being single already.
BG1985 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Back to my "hang out" dates. It allows people two people to find common ground through activities. Let's say I ask out a girl to a sporting event, and she agrees to go. Well that means she probably doesn't HATE sports. The actual game/match gives the two fo us something to talk about. If she ends up being a big fan of the same team as I am, we have something in common. If she ends up liking the other team, it sets up some friendly trash talking. If we enjoy each other's company, we can grab a bite to eat after the game and/or drinks and get to know each other better. I remember some other poster, I think it was Lakeside Runner, who was talking about taking a girl paintballing with him. You can take any of these hangouts and parlay them into drinks/dinner later on. You've found a girl who likes to have fun and enjoys the same activities you do. What's so bad about that?
paddington bear Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I don't know about this 'hanging out' vs 'dating'. Where I come from there isn't really a dating culture like there is in the States, where it all seems so structured. So dating usually is hanging out IME. And from a female perspective it means 'I have absolutely no idea if the guy is interested in me or not'. No cards are put on the table as in: I like you, I'd like to see you again, would you like to watch a movie with me on Saturday night? With the above guy you know it's a date, thus you know he's interested. With hanging out you can be damn sure he's hedging his bets and since you were only 'hanging out' as friends, he can slither out of ever putting any cards on any tables ever, very easily. The amount of times I've been asked to meet guys on non-dates, in hanging out situations where I've questioned 'is this a date, or not? Does he like me or not? Is this just a friend thing? Does that mean I should not show any interest because if he was interested he'd organise something where it would be just the two of us'. Paying for expensive dinners for dates with women you barely know is crazy. There are many, many nice things that are cheap or free to do for the first couple of dates. I would be mortified if the guy took me to an expensive restaurant for a first date and paid the whole bill. I would feel obliged and guilt-tripped into seeing him again because he'd shelled out so much, even if I wasn't that into him. Anyway, thumbs down to hanging out, thumbs up to defined 'I'm interested in you' signals from guys. Sick of dilly-dallying, wishy-washy, grass is always greener behaviour which, to me, is typified by 'hanging out'.
Chicago_Guy Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I'm picky in the sense that I will not let men disrespect me or jerk me around like I would when I was younger and more stupid. I had the realization that I don't need a relationship to be happy or have a fulfilling life. So now, I focus on the realities of whether or not someone is compatible with me. And not everyone is. Just like I wouldn't work with just any man. I don't look down on anyone for it, I just realize that certain traits or characteristics of certain men wouldn't fare well for a long-term relationship. For example, in years past I might have overlooked a smoker just because I wanted a boyfriend so bad. Not anymore. I hate the smell of it and refuse to kiss a man who smokes. I am a huge animal lover, so a man who doesn't love dogs and wouldn't want one in our house would never work out with me. It's not about finding the perfect man -- it's about being realistic about compatibility. All women should be picky to a certain extent as there is no point in settling for an incompatible/inferior person. It's unfortunate that a lot of women don't figure this out until they are already in their 30s. If Stace is picky but maintains a positive attitude, she can definitely find a good compatible man. I think that there are many bitter women in their 30s who have much higher expectations than they did when they were in their 20s. I have been on dates with women like this and some of them are very jaded and have expectations that are completely out of synch with what they have to offer to a man.
Pizzaman81 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Thank you after reading this post I have just blurbed out on IM to this girl who's "hanging out" with me... "**** this! You like me or what?! TELL ME!" I will not be seeing her again.
stace79 Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 So you're just out of a miserable relationship and taking and break from dating. That's normal and understandable. But this phase will pass, take my word for it. And then you will become like most women again. The very fact that you are posting on this site indicates that you're not so hot on the idea of being single already. Okay, I exaggerated... it was only miserable about half the time. Actually, I go on Loveshack b/c I'm bored and I have a little down time at work. But seriously, I sort of wonder some times if I'm even cut out for a marriage - I like my independence. I'm enjoying going out with several different guys and getting to know people. Some are turning out to be more friends than potential boyfriends. And I'm actually okay with it this time, and have no expectations. Plus, the married people I know don't exactly inspire me to want what they have!
BG1985 Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 I was feeling down when my girlfriend broke up with me but at the same time I don't envy my friends who are in long-term relationships. It seems like a lot of them are already in that boring, steady routine. Two of my friends know that they will marry the girl they are currently dating. Ugh.
Author Itzo Posted January 29, 2010 Author Posted January 29, 2010 Okay, I exaggerated... it was only miserable about half the time. Actually, I go on Loveshack b/c I'm bored and I have a little down time at work. But seriously, I sort of wonder some times if I'm even cut out for a marriage - I like my independence. I'm enjoying going out with several different guys and getting to know people. Some are turning out to be more friends than potential boyfriends. And I'm actually okay with it this time, and have no expectations. Plus, the married people I know don't exactly inspire me to want what they have! See what happens when you are looking for the Mr. Perfect? You are lonely as hell, even though you have many FRIENDS & other people around you, but you do not have a partner to satisfy your sexual desires and feelings associated with that. I am not saying here to HIRE a man whore you know, women with your behavior push away potential men as compatible to them. You just do not realize that ... when you think about the Mr. Perfect in your head ... the long list of yours with qualities (he needs to like animals, he needs to be romantic ... he needs to be tall) and bla-bla you miss the opportunity TO SEE the guy who's really good for ya. You may do not want to admit it, but you need something WILD ... dating is BORING ... you think you do not need a 'hang out' but it seems to me that you do NEED it. My reason for being here in LoveShack is to HELP people like you I am not looking for lessons, even though there are great individuals here, giving great information/advices. But I cannot do my research here ... it is simply not irrelevant, based on opinons. Research based on opinions is inefficient for me. Yet I have a lot things to learn about this "dating industry" which fascinates me as hell!
Author Itzo Posted January 29, 2010 Author Posted January 29, 2010 (edited) I don't know about this 'hanging out' vs 'dating'. Where I come from there isn't really a dating culture like there is in the States, where it all seems so structured. So dating usually is hanging out IME. And from a female perspective it means 'I have absolutely no idea if the guy is interested in me or not'. No cards are put on the table as in: I like you, I'd like to see you again, would you like to watch a movie with me on Saturday night? With the above guy you know it's a date, thus you know he's interested. With hanging out you can be damn sure he's hedging his bets and since you were only 'hanging out' as friends, he can slither out of ever putting any cards on any tables ever, very easily. The amount of times I've been asked to meet guys on non-dates, in hanging out situations where I've questioned 'is this a date, or not? Does he like me or not? Is this just a friend thing? Does that mean I should not show any interest because if he was interested he'd organise something where it would be just the two of us'. Paying for expensive dinners for dates with women you barely know is crazy. There are many, many nice things that are cheap or free to do for the first couple of dates. I would be mortified if the guy took me to an expensive restaurant for a first date and paid the whole bill. I would feel obliged and guilt-tripped into seeing him again because he'd shelled out so much, even if I wasn't that into him. Anyway, thumbs down to hanging out, thumbs up to defined 'I'm interested in you' signals from guys. Sick of dilly-dallying, wishy-washy, grass is always greener behaviour which, to me, is typified by 'hanging out'. That's a smart woman right here With this exception: When a guy wants to hang out with ya, that is the FIRST signal that he's interested in you, of course in your physical appearance first. You know paddington bear, men are visual beings. Then the women needs to understand or to acknowledge that fact that this is kind of a date for her (or I would say hanging out) ... because women do not know what to expect ... but this is the beauty of this ... to be unpredictable you know, women LOVE that ... they want to know what is in the man's mind all the time (What he's thinking?), you know ... NOT knowing what's in the man's head is what keeps the attraction going (it is like cat is chasing the tale) we are a fuc*ing animals for god sake, do not forget that ... if you want to know everything about his intentions, IT IS A DATE. And again, dates are boring, predictable & overrated ... A metaphor I use to describe a woman is like the CATS in some deep level That was my concern ... I agree with the rest of your post! Good observations Edited January 29, 2010 by Itzo
counterman Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 Okay, so many guys have asked girls on dates by saying something similar to this: "hey, would you like to have lunch with me on friday?" This does not necessarily mean lunch at a restaurant, it could mean just "hanging out" at a park where they'll eat and get to know each other. Now, I know there can be different interpretations for this, but should the guys actually use the word date or make it clear that it is a date so that it's absolutely clear to the girls? Also, my take of the article is that instead of having an expensive, fancy dinner for a date with someone you barely know, just go and have something that is less extravagant and less financially demanding.
stace79 Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 See what happens when you are looking for the Mr. Perfect? You are lonely as hell, even though you have many FRIENDS & other people around you, but you do not have a partner to satisfy your sexual desires and feelings associated with that. I am not saying here to HIRE a man whore you know, women with your behavior push away potential men as compatible to them. You just do not realize that ... when you think about the Mr. Perfect in your head ... the long list of yours with qualities (he needs to like animals, he needs to be romantic ... he needs to be tall) and bla-bla you miss the opportunity TO SEE the guy who's really good for ya. You may do not want to admit it, but you need something WILD ... dating is BORING ... you think you do not need a 'hang out' but it seems to me that you do NEED it. My reason for being here in LoveShack is to HELP people like you I am not looking for lessons, even though there are great individuals here, giving great information/advices. But I cannot do my research here ... it is simply not irrelevant, based on opinons. Research based on opinions is inefficient for me. Yet I have a lot things to learn about this "dating industry" which fascinates me as hell! Your first incorrect assumption is that I NEED a man to be happy though. And I do not. I'm actually happier when I'm NOT in a relationship. Perhaps that will change, and maybe it won't. So no, I do not need to lower my standards or accept something that drives me nuts just to have a man in my life. Second incorrect assumption: that I need a man to satisfy my sexual needs. Frankly, most men can't get it right anyway, even with months of teaching. And last, who are you to tell me what I need? You don't know me at all. To take advice from you would be foolish.
H1N1 Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 I agree, who needs dates. Just show up at her door and whip it out. If she invites you in, well, you know the score; if not, well, you know that she's just not that into you. On a serious note, though, I agree with the tone of the article. There's no point in splurging on a date unless it's something you would enjoy splurging on yourself anyway. A lot of guys make the mistake of spending lots of money on something that their date might like even though they don't particularly care for the activity themselves - dumb. If you're going to spend money on a date, then make it an occasion that you would enjoy as well. At least one of you should have fun.
D-Jam Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 I like dating. I'm a traditionalist. The biggest mistakes many men make is they think an expensive date is a guarantee to get into her heart. They're trying to buy her. I've seen some say "I wanted to make it special". Um...hello? You talked to this woman a few times on a dating site or at the place you both keep running into one another. How about keeping it SIMPLE and save the "special" when things are full on into a RL? It's the same case when nice guys shower a girl they like with kindness and "help in life". They should only do that when she's the GF...not the hopeful. Most first dates I've gone on are simply dinners at decent, but moderately priced restaurants. That or just coffee or drinks at someplace where we can hear one another talk. Usual total cost would be $50, and I'm wasn't going on a first date every week. I don't bring flowers to a first date or get the whole big massive romantic thing happening. I keep it simple because there is no guarantee this will go anywhere PLUS I want her to feel comfortable with me more than anything. Comfortable leads to openness which does then lowers her guard and possibly brings on the lust for more. Ask most women here. I'll bet most prefer a simple sociable first date over a big massive romantic showing. I see these debates on "hanging out VS dating" and most of the time it's either guys who spend way too much on first dates, or guys who really wish women would stop wanting dating and RLs and just be happy with hookups. If you're Mike "The Situation" and can get women to easily come over to chug alcohol and bang you then go with that. If you're not, then you have to think in terms of what women want if you want one to be your GF. Even when you look at the women who would go for a "Situation" kind of guy, they're either seeking a fun fling with a guy they deem as "uber hot" and "amazing in bed" or they're insecurely banging him hoping he'll decide to try a RL with her...which usually never happens. Dating only becomes a waste of money if you're trying too hard initially to get her into a RL from the initial dates. You should simply take her out for coffee, then dinner on another date, and go from there. Take it slow. Impress her with your personality and make her feel comfortable around you.
stace79 Posted January 29, 2010 Posted January 29, 2010 I like dating. I'm a traditionalist. The biggest mistakes many men make is they think an expensive date is a guarantee to get into her heart. They're trying to buy her. I've seen some say "I wanted to make it special". Um...hello? You talked to this woman a few times on a dating site or at the place you both keep running into one another. How about keeping it SIMPLE and save the "special" when things are full on into a RL? It's the same case when nice guys shower a girl they like with kindness and "help in life". They should only do that when she's the GF...not the hopeful. Most first dates I've gone on are simply dinners at decent, but moderately priced restaurants. That or just coffee or drinks at someplace where we can hear one another talk. Usual total cost would be $50, and I'm wasn't going on a first date every week. I don't bring flowers to a first date or get the whole big massive romantic thing happening. I keep it simple because there is no guarantee this will go anywhere PLUS I want her to feel comfortable with me more than anything. Comfortable leads to openness which does then lowers her guard and possibly brings on the lust for more. Ask most women here. I'll bet most prefer a simple sociable first date over a big massive romantic showing. I see these debates on "hanging out VS dating" and most of the time it's either guys who spend way too much on first dates, or guys who really wish women would stop wanting dating and RLs and just be happy with hookups. If you're Mike "The Situation" and can get women to easily come over to chug alcohol and bang you then go with that. If you're not, then you have to think in terms of what women want if you want one to be your GF. Even when you look at the women who would go for a "Situation" kind of guy, they're either seeking a fun fling with a guy they deem as "uber hot" and "amazing in bed" or they're insecurely banging him hoping he'll decide to try a RL with her...which usually never happens. Dating only becomes a waste of money if you're trying too hard initially to get her into a RL from the initial dates. You should simply take her out for coffee, then dinner on another date, and go from there. Take it slow. Impress her with your personality and make her feel comfortable around you. Ding, ding. WINNER.
Author Itzo Posted January 29, 2010 Author Posted January 29, 2010 Your first incorrect assumption is that I NEED a man to be happy though. And I do not. I'm actually happier when I'm NOT in a relationship. Perhaps that will change, and maybe it won't. So no, I do not need to lower my standards or accept something that drives me nuts just to have a man in my life. Second incorrect assumption: that I need a man to satisfy my sexual needs. Frankly, most men can't get it right anyway, even with months of teaching. And last, who are you to tell me what I need? You don't know me at all. To take advice from you would be foolish. Why you do not want to be in a relationship right now?
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