Zeegagge Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I have to say I've seen this one go both ways. My last serious relationship started by me inviting her to my lake cabin where a bunch of my friends were hanging out. She ended up having so much fun that she stayed the night (in a separate room). A few days later some of us were going out again so I called her and she came to 'hang out' again. Attraction was there the whole time and that night she ended up staying again, only not in a separate room. From there I called her every time I was doing something cool and she kept coming. I did take her out formally eventually though, just to show her I was real. I have to say most of my relationships have started in a similar fashion. They see me having fun and they want to be a part of it. I've done the regular dating thing a few times with varying results, it just seems like so much of a game when you do it that way. Too many rules, too much pressure, too much formality. For me what works best is wait until you actually have her interested before doing anything too formal, then take it from there. I don't even think it matters what method you use to get to know someone. If you're around each other then there's either a connection or there's not.
meerkat stew Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 If something is not fun, make it fun or don't do it. Dating has gotten more fun for me with age, but admittedly when I was you guy's age, it was more of a PITA than anything.
Author Itzo Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 It sounds cynical to say this, but since the man usually pays, the woman gets free entertainment and an ego boost among other things. That's good, thanks for sharing No worries, I see what you mean ...
Author Itzo Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 I have to say I've seen this one go both ways. My last serious relationship started by me inviting her to my lake cabin where a bunch of my friends were hanging out. She ended up having so much fun that she stayed the night (in a separate room). A few days later some of us were going out again so I called her and she came to 'hang out' again. Attraction was there the whole time and that night she ended up staying again, only not in a separate room. From there I called her every time I was doing something cool and she kept coming. I did take her out formally eventually though, just to show her I was real. I have to say most of my relationships have started in a similar fashion. They see me having fun and they want to be a part of it. I've done the regular dating thing a few times with varying results, it just seems like so much of a game when you do it that way. Too many rules, too much pressure, too much formality. For me what works best is wait until you actually have her interested before doing anything too formal, then take it from there. I don't even think it matters what method you use to get to know someone. If you're around each other then there's either a connection or there's not. Cool, I like that So you prefer to hang out first ... because you get to know her better. This is the right thing to do, when you are a man. you know ... Most women here freak out when someone says "hanging out" ? What ? You are going to be just friends with this girl when you are doing it and bla-bla-bla ... I tend to think that women do not understand this, because they play a different ROLE in the society, having different expectations.
randall Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 If you're a good looking guy with plenty of free time on your hands then 'hanging out' with girls will work fine. But I find it hard to believe many reasonably attractive or self-confident women are going to dedicate lots of time 'hanging out' with an average guy just to get to know him.
stace79 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 If you're a good looking guy with plenty of free time on your hands then 'hanging out' with girls will work fine. But I find it hard to believe many reasonably attractive or self-confident women are going to dedicate lots of time 'hanging out' with an average guy just to get to know him. Bingo. It seems like the men in favor of just "hanging out" are seeking college-age girls or girls of a different mold than me. I'm five years out of college with a graduate degree and a successful career, and pretty much know exactly where I'm going and what I want out of life. I need a man who's a bit more direct that just "hanging out" once in awhile. If that's all I'm getting from you, I will place you in the friend category. The man who mans up and asks me out, letting me know his intentions are exploring romantic possibilities, will get my attention.
Author Itzo Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 Bingo. It seems like the men in favor of just "hanging out" are seeking college-age girls or girls of a different mold than me. I'm five years out of college with a graduate degree and a successful career, and pretty much know exactly where I'm going and what I want out of life. I need a man who's a bit more direct that just "hanging out" once in awhile. If that's all I'm getting from you, I will place you in the friend category. The man who mans up and asks me out, letting me know his intentions are exploring romantic possibilities, will get my attention. Right, okey, cool ... so you are keep going with this psycho-control-freak behavior Guys do not like romance, okey ... at least the straight ones Romance is a social conditioning from novels, stories & fantasies ... Lets face it, you are looking for a man who you can control ... because you are looking for marrage. If you were born in 1979, that means you are in your 30's now. Most women go ... oh my god, I am almost 30 now, I should get married & have kids ... they just freak out. I understand this ... gosh I am such a jerk sometimes
stace79 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Right, okey, cool ... so you are keep going with this psycho-control-freak behavior Guys do not like romance, okey ... at least the straight ones Romance is a social conditioning from novels, stories & fantasies ... Lets face it, you are looking for a man who you can control ... because you are looking for marrage. If you were born in 1979, that means you are in your 30's now. Most women go ... oh my god, I am almost 30 now, I should get married & have kids ... they just freak out. I understand this ... gosh I am such a jerk sometimes Maybe my words translate differently in your world, but I don't see anywhere that I wrote "guys do not like romance". Additionally, I could have been married already. I broke off an engagement because it wasn't right for me. So no, I'm not all about getting married right now. As I mentioned, I have a great career, I'm successful, and I'm just enjoying life right now. IF I met a man who fit well with my life and vice versa, I'd certainly entertain the idea of marriage again. My opinion is that you're intimidated by a woman in control of her own life and who knows what she wants. But feel free to continue to insult me if you wish.
BG1985 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I feel like this "just friends" that results from the "hang out" is just another way of the girl letting the guy know she's not into him without hurting his feelings. When she says, "I didn't think you asked me out on a date. I thought you just wanted to hang out as friends." It's just another euphemism for I'm not interested. If the girl had been interested in the guy, she wouldn't care if he had brought her to a Michelin 3-Star restaurant or to a bar to shoot pool.
stace79 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I feel like this "just friends" that results from the "hang out" is just another way of the girl letting the guy know she's not into him without hurting his feelings. When she says, "I didn't think you asked me out on a date. I thought you just wanted to hang out as friends." It's just another euphemism for I'm not interested. If the girl had been interested in the guy, she wouldn't care if he had brought her to a Michelin 3-Star restaurant or to a bar to shoot pool. And this is precisely why so many women end up in bad relationships. They're willing to "take whatever they can get" just to be in a relationship with some douche bag. I don't care if your Brad Pitt -- I'm not gonna put up with some guy who just wants to "hang out" once in awhile when it's convenient.
Author Itzo Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 Maybe my words translate differently in your world, but I don't see anywhere that I wrote "guys do not like romance". Additionally, I could have been married already. I broke off an engagement because it wasn't right for me. So no, I'm not all about getting married right now. As I mentioned, I have a great career, I'm successful, and I'm just enjoying life right now. IF I met a man who fit well with my life and vice versa, I'd certainly entertain the idea of marriage again. My opinion is that you're intimidated by a woman in control of her own life and who knows what she wants. But feel free to continue to insult me if you wish. No, I love women who are independent. I admire their "Know how" in life. Perhaps you are one of them (I just have to take only your word for it) & I do not insult you for this. I insulted you because you do not understand man, so you can get some attention to what I am saying You mentioned romance in one of your posts, and I do not think men LIKE ROMANCE. They are just victims of some dreaming girls without having the ability to wake up on the market. But think you will ever understand this ... for some reason. I am still doing a research on this
BG1985 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Stace, this is also a matter of two different age groups. I'm just out of college while you are in your upper 20s-early 30s I believe. Of course I also hear from most older people that our two age groups did and still do things differently anyway. I believe your mindset, or the one you posed in your response, that women are settling for douche bags also stems from the fact that these women are looking too hard for relationships. I feel like dinner dates tend to turn into job interviews. It creates a stuffy, high-pressure atmosphere in which a man and a woman are playing 20 questions with each other. If either party is not a great conversationalist in the sense that he/she can keep a conversation going on with a relative stranger, the date can be ruined. However, these so-called hang outs are more fun and allow both parties to overcome their shyness around the opposite sex.
stace79 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Stace, this is also a matter of two different age groups. I'm just out of college while you are in your upper 20s-early 30s I believe. Of course I also hear from most older people that our two age groups did and still do things differently anyway. I believe your mindset, or the one you posed in your response, that women are settling for douche bags also stems from the fact that these women are looking too hard for relationships. I feel like dinner dates tend to turn into job interviews. It creates a stuffy, high-pressure atmosphere in which a man and a woman are playing 20 questions with each other. If either party is not a great conversationalist in the sense that he/she can keep a conversation going on with a relative stranger, the date can be ruined. However, these so-called hang outs are more fun and allow both parties to overcome their shyness around the opposite sex. I agree with the statement in bold. If ANYONE is just desperate for a relationship, then it doesn't really matter what I say. They will do or put up with whatever they must to try and "capture" a bf or gf. It's sad really.
Johnny M Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I agree with the statement in bold. If ANYONE is just desperate for a relationship, then it doesn't really matter what I say. They will do or put up with whatever they must to try and "capture" a bf or gf. It's sad really. Every woman over a certain age is desperate for a relationship. Some are just better at hiding it
stace79 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Every woman over a certain age is desperate for a relationship. Some are just better at hiding it And some UNDER a certain age, too. I'm far pickier now than I was ten years ago. As a female, it pains me to say that many women don't really care about the individual they're with, they just want a boyfriend/husband. I don't get it, I really don't.
Author Itzo Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 And some UNDER a certain age, too. I'm far pickier now than I was ten years ago. As a female, it pains me to say that many women don't really care about the individual they're with, they just want a boyfriend/husband. I don't get it, I really don't. There is no such thing as a special person. If you look for one, you will never find it. Some women idealize their perfect man, and look for him in the real world. Guess what? He doesn't exist. It is all in your mind. So stop looking for Mr. Perfect, it is a waste of time. If this is the case for you ...
stace79 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 There is no such thing as a special person. If you look for one, you will never find it. Some women idealize their perfect man, and look for him in the real world. Guess what? He doesn't exist. It is all in your mind. So stop looking for Mr. Perfect, it is a waste of time. Will you please stop assuming you have any idea what I'm talking about? I'm not looking for Mr. Perfect. I'm looking for Mr. Perfect for me. And that does exist. In fact, I believe there's probably several who are perfect for me.
Author Itzo Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 Will you please stop assuming you have any idea what I'm talking about? I'm not looking for Mr. Perfect. I'm looking for Mr. Perfect for me. And that does exist. In fact, I believe there's probably several who are perfect for me. Why you are so picky then?
Author Itzo Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 Will you please stop assuming you have any idea what I'm talking about? I'm not looking for Mr. Perfect. I'm looking for Mr. Perfect for me. And that does exist. In fact, I believe there's probably several who are perfect for me. The bolded ones, aren't they same statements? You are contradicting yourself. What is this NON-SENSE?
stace79 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Why you are so picky then? I'm picky in the sense that I will not let men disrespect me or jerk me around like I would when I was younger and more stupid. I had the realization that I don't need a relationship to be happy or have a fulfilling life. So now, I focus on the realities of whether or not someone is compatible with me. And not everyone is. Just like I wouldn't work with just any man. I don't look down on anyone for it, I just realize that certain traits or characteristics of certain men wouldn't fare well for a long-term relationship. For example, in years past I might have overlooked a smoker just because I wanted a boyfriend so bad. Not anymore. I hate the smell of it and refuse to kiss a man who smokes. I am a huge animal lover, so a man who doesn't love dogs and wouldn't want one in our house would never work out with me. It's not about finding the perfect man -- it's about being realistic about compatibility.
Johnny M Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 And some UNDER a certain age, too. I'm far pickier now than I was ten years ago. As a female, it pains me to say that many women don't really care about the individual they're with, they just want a boyfriend/husband. I don't get it, I really don't. Perhaps they understand that if you don't play in your league, you are destined to remain single forever? You can get away with being extra picky only if you're young and extremely hot.
alphamale Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 There is a lot of sexual pressure with certain men when it comes to dating too, like the three date sex rule. It would be nice to weed out men who think that dating is legalized prostitution. it would also be nice to weed out chicks that are just looking for a free meal or free night out and have no intention of dating the guy again
Author Itzo Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 it would also be nice to weed out chicks that are just looking for a free meal or free night out and have no intention of dating the guy again indeed alphamale .. .indeed
stace79 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Perhaps they understand that if you don't play in your league, you are destined to remain single forever? You can get away with being extra picky only if you're young and extremely hot. You say that like it's a bad thing.
Johnny M Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 You say that like it's a bad thing. Oh please. Most women dread the thought of being single forever...even if they put on a brave face and pretend that 50 is the 20 or whatever
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