Lucy Page Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 My boyfriend and I have been dating since 2005. We never really "dated", it went more into a serious committed relationship from the very beginning. We have probably been on 25 dates in 4 years, if that. About 2 years into it, we started a cycle of fierce arguing. It would be about the most idiotic things, but we both were so stubborn that we just had to keep going. In the past year, he really started neglecting our relationship, and I began treating him more like a child than a man. We split for a month and saw other people. We got back in touch and got back together because me missed each other so much, that was in October. November and December we had about 3 major arguments and each time we didn't see each other for days at a time. He confessed to me that he had been seeing someone on the side each time we split in November and December and he couldn't take it anymore because he wanted me, and assumed I didn't want him anymore. He told me he just felt so unwanted by me because of the continuous cycle of fights, so he tried to comfort himself by seeing a girl on the side. It made us both realize we need to do something, but I don't know what to do. How can be rejuvinate our relationship? How can we be a true couple? Thanks to all who reply.
Match Factor Posted January 31, 2010 Posted January 31, 2010 You have only stated the negative in your relationship with your man. It is hard to justify staying together when there is no positive interaction... What is right with your relationship? If there is nothing that is right with it, then staying in it is detrimental for both of you.
Ba.stet Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 It sounds like you guys are using this anger to mask fear. Fear of disappointing the other person, fear of being hurt, and fear of being alone. When you are afraid of these things, most people try to create the exact thing they are afraid of. They push the person away just to rush the outcome they think they can't avoid anyway... the thinking is "it's better to get hurt now then to let this move forward for a year and then be hurt." You guys already tried a temporary separation and obviously the same fears are persisting now that you have reunited. Try separating again. No contact for a month. Then begin conversing, but only via internet and phone. Ask all the questions you can. Inquire and probe with each other. Explore any and every topic humanly possible. Laugh together (over the phone) discuss the dreams for the future. discuss what you both want from each other. discuss what you both can do to make the other happy. take notes and LEARN and ACT on this new knowledge. Once you've been talking and laughing consistently for a month, try dating again and see where it goes. If it still doesn't work, then be content to only be friends. Be happy that you learned from each other. And move forward with your lives. You two may yet reunite some years later... but whether you do or not, at least you tried.
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