tkgirl Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 so tomorrow I'm spending the day with the younger dude... we're going snowboarding (yeah!) um, maybe I should provide a quick recap for those here that don't know my story: work with younger dude... he's 30 and I'm 44. We're friends.. hung out here and there and maybe flirted a little. I thought it was "innocent" until he told me a while back how he's interested in more... things got awkward and I've since backed off a bit on the flirting stuff. so fast forward to today... we worked together and started talking about snowboarding and all the snow we are getting finally. We decided since we are both off tomorrow that we should go up together. And I'm happy to have someone fun to go with rather than going by myself, but at the same time I don't want him to get any ideas. Which it seemed like he already was by the way he was acting when I left. Anyways.. here's what I thought I'd say to him IF things start to go in that direction.... let me know what you guys think: "I think you're adorable and would probably be all over it if I we're younger, but I'm at the point in my life where I want more than just some "fun" I want a boyfriend and I think you just want..." Oh god, I don't really know what to say to him! maybe it won't even come to that and I'm just worrying for nothing....
datingrev01 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Hello! well, for me age really doesn't matter when love is popping out between two person..just be simple and enjoy your fun date with him..try to talk on some things that you both would enjoy and at the same time you could discover his character, strength and weaknesses.. that way I guess you'll know if he's the one.. GoodLuck!
boogieboy Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 (edited) Anything you say to him will be a lie. You already know what he wants. How bout you stop using him for company and stop leading him on? How bout you risk him not talking to you anymore, by telling him youre not really interested in him? How bout you give him the chance to walk away since you havent told him the truth so far, and youre taking advantage of the fact that he doesnt know better? Edited January 28, 2010 by boogieboy
DiscoChick Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Just make it clear that you're not interested in him like "that," but you value his friendship.
Author tkgirl Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 Anything you say to him will be a lie. You already know what he wants. How bout you stop using him for company and stop leading him on? How bout you risk him not talking to you anymore, by telling him youre not really interested in him? How bout you give him the chance to walk away since you havent told him the truth so far, and youre taking advantage of the fact that he doesnt know better? geez boogieboy, you need to lighten up sometimes! first of all.. I will not be lying to him if I we're to say that to him.. I do think he's adorable and I would be interested in him if he wasn't so much younger than me. I don't see anything wrong in letting him know that. I just can't see myself being so cold as to just stop talking to him like you suggest. That's not how I roll. And yeah, I don't want to lose him as a friend.. but not because I can use him to boost my ego. I really do like hanging out with him... he's funny and has great energy... we have fun together! But I do agree that I have to say something to him though. Then it can be up to him to decide how he wants to proceed...
boogieboy Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I just can't see myself being so cold as to just stop talking to him like you suggest. That's not how I roll. And yeah, I don't want to lose him as a friend.. but not because I can use him to boost my ego. I really do like hanging out with him... he's funny and has great energy... we have fun together! But I do agree that I have to say something to him though. Then it can be up to him to decide how he wants to proceed... Remember when you wouldnt say this 5 threads ago? Because you wanted a boost to the ego? I wont lighten up on you, you know how wrong you were about this a long time ago. If he did get attached to you, I know you wont do him the favor of not talking to him so he can get un-attached to you, which is a lil selfish, but I already see it coming. Remember how you didnt want to tell him because you thought you would lose him? he likes you, youre not friends, no matter how you try to justify it. You pushed and pulled and led him on for this long (Yes you did!), you wont date him because youre older than he is. I hope you will do the older person thing and let him go, for his sake. And I mean AFTER you tell him he has no chance.
Author tkgirl Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 Remember when you wouldnt say this 5 threads ago? Because you wanted a boost to the ego? I wont lighten up on you, you know how wrong you were about this a long time ago. If he did get attached to you, I know you wont do him the favor of not talking to him so he can get un-attached to you, which is a lil selfish, but I already see it coming. Remember how you didnt want to tell him because you thought you would lose him? he likes you, youre not friends, no matter how you try to justify it. You pushed and pulled and led him on for this long (Yes you did!), you wont date him because youre older than he is. I hope you will do the older person thing and let him go, for his sake. And I mean AFTER you tell him he has no chance. agh! ok boogieboy, I appreciate your concern (?) BUT I don't think you get what I'm about AT ALL. I did back way off.. in fact we've hardly seen each other or talked since all that went down about a month or two ago... thing is, we we're friends long before he admitted his attraction to me... and I would like things to go back to the way they were then. IF he decides to try and pursue me again.. and I'm really not sure he will... then I AM going to say something to him. That's the reason I started this thread in the first place.. not to be judged but to get some advice on how to let him down easy and still maintain a friendship... especially since we do have to work together. I know how you pride yourself in shutting people down or putting them in their place or whatever but sometimes it's a bit much... everything is not always so black and white...
Buttnutter100 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 (edited) tkgirl, I suggest before you do the snowboarding, take him back to your place for some wild monkey sex to get it out of your system, then go snowboarding. You're a mature woman, of course you want to use him for sex, you're probably just a little self conscious about the age differential. No reason to be diffident. Just make sure you practice safe sex obviously. If you don't want a sexual relationship with this man why on earth would you bother spending any time with him at all? Go snowboarding with someone that you DO want to have sex with. I.e. I would think that by the age of 44 a woman has enough life experience and maturity so as not to have to be a cock tease, maybe I'm wrong about that though. Edited January 28, 2010 by Buttnutter100
Buttnutter100 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 agh! ok boogieboy, I appreciate your concern (?) BUT I don't think you get what I'm about AT ALL. I did back way off.. in fact we've hardly seen each other or talked since all that went down about a month or two ago... thing is, we we're friends long before he admitted his attraction to me... and I would like things to go back to the way they were then. IF he decides to try and pursue me again.. and I'm really not sure he will... then I AM going to say something to him. That's the reason I started this thread in the first place.. not to be judged but to get some advice on how to let him down easy and still maintain a friendship... especially since we do have to work together. I know how you pride yourself in shutting people down or putting them in their place or whatever but sometimes it's a bit much... everything is not always so black and white... If you are sure you do not want to have sex with this guy then you are teasing him. Stop it immediately. But, I think you DO want to have sex with him but are self-conscious due to the age difference. You don't want to get naked in front of a 14 year old younger man. Go for it anyway, show this youngster what a real woman can do in bed. You will blow his mind.
Author tkgirl Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 tkgirl, I suggest before you do the snowboarding, take him back to your place for some wild monkey sex to get it out of your system, then go snowboarding. You're a mature woman, of course you want to use him for sex, you're probably just a little self conscious about the age differential. No reason to be diffident. Just make sure you practice safe sex obviously. If you don't want a sexual relationship with this man why on earth would you bother spending any time with him at all? Go snowboarding with someone that you DO want to have sex with. too funny! so every guy I hang out with, go snowboarding with or whatever... I should want to have sex with? WTF???
counterman Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 If he does show any interest, just make it absolutely clear that you are not interested. Something that says I value your friendship but I am not interested in anything other than that, and I hope that we can still be friends.
Author tkgirl Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 If you are sure you do not want to have sex with this guy then you are teasing him. Stop it immediately. But, I think you DO want to have sex with him but are self-conscious due to the age difference. You don't want to get naked in front of a 14 year old younger man. Go for it anyway, show this youngster what a real woman can do in bed. You will blow his mind. are you for real? why would I be self conscious? I know I have it going on! ...but seriously, I have no qualms about getting naked with a new guy that I might like... but is it that hard to comprehend that I may want more than just a romp in the sack? wow... some of you guys really don't get it do you?
Author tkgirl Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 If he does show any interest, just make it absolutely clear that you are not interested. Something that says I value your friendship but I am not interested in anything other than that, and I hope that we can still be friends. thank you for the sincere response.. I was starting to get worried about you guys here on LS!
boogieboy Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 (edited) agh! ok boogieboy, I appreciate your concern (?) BUT I don't think you get what I'm about AT ALL. I did back way off.. in fact we've hardly seen each other or talked since all that went down about a month or two ago... thing is, we we're friends long before he admitted his attraction to me... and I would like things to go back to the way they were then. IF he decides to try and pursue me again.. and I'm really not sure he will... then I AM going to say something to him. That's the reason I started this thread in the first place.. not to be judged but to get some advice on how to let him down easy and still maintain a friendship... especially since we do have to work together. I know how you pride yourself in shutting people down or putting them in their place or whatever but sometimes it's a bit much... everything is not always so black and white... It IS black and white, and its all obvious. Maybe you enjoy making things complicated for the sake of excitement, which you do, for the last 10 threads of this subject, but its simple black and white. You knew long ago that you were attracted to him, knew he was attracted to you, you flirted with him, decided you were too old for him, but he made you feel good to be desired (ego), so you passively teased him. Theres no gray area. At least you havent hung around him much lately. I dont pride myself on putting people down, I pride myself on telling it how it is. And I had to with you, because you danced around the real truth for pages until you admitted it. I dont have to put you in a place, you know what youre doing. Its easy "I know you have feelings for me, but youre too young for me, I will never get involved with you. I enjoy your company. I hope we can still be friends, but thats all it will ever be." You cant worry about whether or not it will save the "friendship" because you dont know if it will, thats up to him, not you. If you want things to go back to the way they were , then you say to him, "I want things to go back to the way they were before, no more flirting, can we do that?" You cant have it both ways, if you want to still hang with him, you HAVE to stop the flirting, which got you in trouble in the first place. Is the simple truth to hard to tell him, or do you want to make that a gray area too? Edited January 28, 2010 by boogieboy
Author tkgirl Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 It IS black and white, and its all obvious. Maybe you enjoy making things complicated for the sake of excitement, which you do, for the last 10 threads of this subject, but its simple black and white. You knew long ago that you were attracted to him, knew he was attracted to you, you flirted with him, decided you were too old for him, but he made you feel good to be desired (ego), so you passively teased him. Theres no gray area. At least you havent hung around him much lately. I dont pride myself on putting people down, I pride myself on telling it how it is. And I had to with you, because you danced around the real truth for pages until you admitted it. I dont have to put you in a place, you know what youre doing. Its easy "I know you have feelings for me, but youre too young for me, I will never get involved with you. I enjoy your company. I hope we can still be friends, but thats all it will ever be." You cant worry about whether or not it will save the "friendship" because you dont know if it will, thats up to him, not you. If you want things to go back to the way they were , then you say to him, "I want things to go back to the way they were before, no more flirting, can we do that?" You cant have it both ways, if you want to still hang with him, you HAVE to stop the flirting, which got you in trouble in the first place. Is the simple truth to hard to tell him, or do you want to make that a gray area too? that's the advice I was seeking.. thank you! all the other stuff.. sorry, I know this is tough to you for swallow but you were WRONG.. about me, about my situation... seriously boogieboy... I feel like you care more about being right than about actually helping people... and you seem like a pretty negative person so yeah, I choose not to listen to you a lot of time... sorry. Now I'm off to go snowboarding and plan on having a LOT of fun! without the flirting of course!
boogieboy Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 (edited) seriously boogieboy... I feel like you care more about being right than about actually helping people... and you seem like a pretty negative person so yeah, I choose not to listen to you a lot of time... sorry. Its ok, you never listened to anyone initially anyway, when everyone said the same thing I did..I guess they were all negative too? so I couldnt really help you.... but i know you know Im right, and youre finally doing what I said from the last few threads anyway.... Edited January 28, 2010 by boogieboy
Recommended Posts