ixi Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 This guy has been chasing me for the past year and for the most part I haven't been the most responsive person in the world. I was not playing hard to get. I was just unsure what I wanted. I just started grad school and felt I was starting a new chapter in my life and I didn't know if I wanted to start a new relationship as well. So, I did go out with him a few times in the year I knew him. We never did anything physical, so no hand holding, no kissing, etc. He probably got the impression I wasn't interested. While we didn't go out too often, we did talk everyday. But now I feel like he's losing interest in me and I don't know if there's another girl in his life. Maybe there is. But I kinda feel like I do really like him and want to date him. What can I do to show him that I am interested without putting myself too out there? I know the obvious thing to do is to ask him out on a date, but is there anything else I can do that will prompt him to ask me out instead of the other way around? Thanks
DiscoChick Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Tell him you're interested and hope for the best!
alphamale Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 well first you should ask yourself why you were not interested in him for so long. also, are you interested in him now because he may be unavailable? once you answer these questions then you can move forward and ask him out
Zeegagge Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Agreed with Alphamale. Why didn't you want him before, and why now? It seems to me this guy has gotten past you and feels he would just be hurt to try anything again. He's going on with his life just fine. It can be hard for a guy to get to that point when they like someone, and easy for you to knock him back off that point. The fact that you want him to ask you and you haven't just asked him out tells me that you may not be very serious about your intentions here, and are trying to protect yourself a lot. Well he's protecting himself too. All I can really say is make sure you are serious about this and going to give him a good, fair chance before trying anything at all. No need for unnecessary hurt. If you're sure that you genuinely want something between the two of you, then you just need to call him and ask him out. When you do go out you need to be the agressor a little bit as far as the flirting and physical contact goes. Sounds like he's already stuck his neck out for you, now you're going to have to stick yours out.
Johnny M Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 This guy has been chasing me for the past year and for the most part I haven't been the most responsive person in the world. I was not playing hard to get. I was just unsure what I wanted. I just started grad school and felt I was starting a new chapter in my life and I didn't know if I wanted to start a new relationship as well. So, I did go out with him a few times in the year I knew him. We never did anything physical, so no hand holding, no kissing, etc. He probably got the impression I wasn't interested. While we didn't go out too often, we did talk everyday. But now I feel like he's losing interest in me and I don't know if there's another girl in his life. Maybe there is. But I kinda feel like I do really like him and want to date him. What can I do to show him that I am interested without putting myself too out there? Another girl who all of a sudden becomes interested when a guy starts to ignore her. Fellas, are you taking notes?
O'Malley Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 But now I feel like he's losing interest in me and I don't know if there's another girl in his life. Maybe there is. But I kinda feel like I do really like him and want to date him. What can I do to show him that I am interested without putting myself too out there? You seem pretty tepid about him as a romantic/sexual prospect and obviously he's picked up on that. What reason(s) do you have for not wanting to initiate? It will take a major action on your part for his current opinion to change...providing more of the same behavior isn't going to cut it.
skydiveaddict Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I agree w/ alpha. why the sudden intrest in him?
Author ixi Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 Why I wasn't interested in him before: -I just started grad school and was trying to get settled in and I didn't have too much time to invest into a relationship -Honestly, I didn't feel a connection/chemistry, whatever you want to call it when I first met him. He's definitely a very nice and sweet guy, but I wasn't instantly attracted to him, physically or emotionally. But he's definitely grown on me Why I'm interested in him now: -I don't want to lose him, I want him as a part of my life. -- I don't like initiating things because that makes me more vulnerable and I don't want to get hurt if he decides to reject me
Johnny M Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I don't like initiating things because that makes me more vulnerable and I don't want to get hurt if he decides to reject me Well, he already got hurt when you rejected him, so don't expect him to make the first move at this point.
Author ixi Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 yeah...i figured as much. But technically I didn't reject him. I never turned him down, I always went out with him when he asked. I just never really encouraged him to take things further
QueenOfFools Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 -I don't want to lose him, I want him as a part of my life. how about... keeping him a part of your life as a friend? if there is no chemistry, your relationship will fail. just ask him out and tell him you feel like your friendship is not what it used to be, and reconnect with him on friendship level.
tkgirl Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 well first you should ask yourself why you were not interested in him for so long. also, are you interested in him now because he may be unavailable? once you answer these questions then you can move forward and ask him out exactly what I was thinking alpha...
Buttnutter100 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Tell him that you want to learn about football and invite him over to your place to watch the Superbowl with you and explain what is going on to you. Tell him you will provide a variety of food, snacks, and beer/beverages. If he tells you he is watching the game somewhere else or at a party, say "Wow that sounds cool can I hang out too?" Then hang out with him watching the Superbowl (Sunday Feb. 7). If he is unavailable for that, or gives you some other kind of opening, suggest that the two of you get together for a casual drink or two at a popular local hangout. Take things from there.
boogieboy Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 You have to run the risk of him rejecting you, theres no other way. You will have to show him youre interested by asking him out. If he says yes, then you have to make a move. Theres no way to do this indirectly without risking rejection. Just ask him out, dont let your ego get in the way. You blew him off for this long, you were selfish, you should do the work this time.
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