thebear08 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Over the past couple days my girlfriend had been distant from me, giving me short texts and not sitting next to me when we hang out and not really talking much. I finally asked her what was wrong and she explained it like this, "You know that hole inside you when you get depressed? well i though by having a boyfriend that hole would be filled, and recently i have been getting more and more depressed and i don't know why" i told her i wanted to be there for her and she said this, "i know you do, but i'm just not sure i'm ready to let you in that far, and i'm scared of showing you who i really am on the inside because i'm afraid i'll hurt you" i tell her i think that together we can figure things out and that she can always talk to me about anything, she says, "i know, but i just need some time to figure things out for my self by my self" she then said we should take a break, and i was a bit blown back by it. I totally was not expecting it. She leaves, and later she comes on AIM and i continue to ask her questions like, is it my fault? what did i do? how can i help you? She says, "It's not your fault at all, which is what bothers me, you are perfect and you have done everything right, i'm just not sure why i am so ****ed up" I told her i still didn't understand why we had to break up then, and she said something along the line of, "i like you a lot, but something is keeping me from falling for you" I told her that i wasn't in love with her yet either, but we have only been dating for 3 months and that i had looked forward to learning and growing together as a couple. I told her i still liked her a lot and that i really wanted to get back with her as soon as she was ready. She then told me she didn't know how long it would take which makes me question on whether i will ever happen. we ended the conversation and i haven't talked to her since. The thing about us, was that although were are both 19, we were each others first gf/bf so neither of us are really experience in knowing what to do. We are not only both extremely socially awkward, but we also have a lot of other things in common which is another reason why i don't want to loose her. Last night i had some horrible dreams that she was leaving me for some other guy which i know isn't true, but the idea of loosing her is killing me. I want her back. My idea is this: Im going to buy her edible roses, i over heard her talking a while back about how edible are the **** and that if anyone ever got her any she would freak out. I'm then going to put a note in the flowers saying: Dear [her name], Roses are red, violets are blue, i'm terrible at poetry, which is why i got these flowers for you. You are the only girl in the world i know that would ever prefer fake edible flowers to real ones which makes you 1 in a billion. and with that statistic, china aint got **** on you. with love, [my name] I'm sorry to make you read all that, but its all necessary. What do your general thoughts on my situation? what do you think of the note? should i not send her those things and just let her be? I NEED FEED BACK
dietpepsi Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 (edited) I don't know man, I would skip all the flower stuff, she already knows you want to be there for her, so buying her edible flowers isn't going to change her mind about any of it. Flowers in this situation (severance of a relationship) are usually an apology item, and it sounds like you don't have anything to apologize for, so skip it. The best thing you can do is just back off, respect her decision for space. She has made it obvious that is what she wants, so go along with it, it is always better, plus if she is having some burden internally, you badgering her with sensitivity and gifts won't help, she'll likely get annoyed, or sink further into depression because she knows she is hurting you. Keep a smile on your face, and bow out for a bit. The upside is, your 19, and you've only dated a short amount of time. I know first loves when you are young are hard to resolve, it doesn't seem like it, but this is an upside, if anything else, this is experience will directly shape your adult growth. Good luck, grit your teeth, and back off a little while, let her think out her problems. Edited January 27, 2010 by dietpepsi
Author thebear08 Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 hmm... ok, well i already bought the flowers, but i can hold off. Thanks for the quick reply. What do you think my chances are of getting her back based off the small story i've told you?
NopeNah Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 hmm... ok, well i already bought the flowers, but i can hold off. Thanks for the quick reply. What do you think my chances are of getting her back based off the small story i've told you? Your best bet is to assume that it's over for good and start living your life for you. If she comes back..cool. If not, you've already started moving on and might not even want her back anyways.
sunrae Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 At 19 I was so wishy washy it wasnt even funny.... I would go with dietpepsi's advise... You told her how you felt, she knows you care for her and want to be there for her... Just give her space right now... If she reaches out to talk then talk to her about what she wants to talk about, but try to keep your feelings in tack and not push yourself on her.. As hard as it may be try to give her what she ask for and it''s a little breathing room...
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