gsly Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 So most of my life i've been single most of my life(me being 22) except for a few relationships which wouldnt last for more then 3 or 4 months which i dont mind being single but everytime im intrested in a girl and "try" and introduce myself I get really shy and turnback and then i keep regreting not intoducing my self...now my question is what the easiest way to overcome shyness? are there any good books out there for that?
Satisfaction Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Try having short conversations with strangers. like one or two sentences. You keep at it your confidence grows. Also try joining groups of stuff you are interested in. You will be doing fun stuff which makes you more interesting and you can meet tons of people. It should be even easier as you are in your 20's and that's the age that people socialize the most
Match Factor Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 You can approach a girl by not introducing your self initially. you can talk to her about something else completely. Find something about her you like and give her a "once removed" compliment. Here's and example. "Excuse me, where did you get your jacket. I really like and I would like to get one for my sister." This approach accomplishes a couple of things. It takes the pressure of both of you. You're talking about something rather than focusing on who likes whom. You've paid her a compliment (which is always nice); You've told her you like her taste in clothes. Also, because you are communicating with her, it allows you the opportunity to decide whether you would like to know more about her.
DiscoChick Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Try having short conversations with strangers. like one or two sentences. You keep at it your confidence grows. That's what I did! It hasn't really helped much. People tend to ignore me and think I'm crazy or I'll get sick before I even start talking. Which way is the bathroom?
2sure Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I have recommended this before, both personally and professionally because I have seen great results: Take a class in public speaking either at a college, an adult continuing education course, or with Toast Masters. I have seen shy people become much more comfortable and charming in their communications with others. More people have started with this than you think.
dyzfunctioned Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Coming from someone who's fairly shy, thought not near as much as I used to be, I find a few things help. Find something about yourself to be confident about, it'll make you more naturally confident and make you feel more comfortable. Stop placing girls on a pedestal. I'm absolutely great with girls... If I don't like them. I'm really good at reading signals that girls send out and stuff, but if I'm into them that all goes to **** and I basically convince myself they're too good for me. This is something I'm still working on, but it's definitely a big part.
DiscoChick Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I have recommended this before, both personally and professionally because I have seen great results: Take a class in public speaking either at a college, an adult continuing education course, or with Toast Masters. I have seen shy people become much more comfortable and charming in their communications with others. More people have started with this than you think. I failed every speech I did in public speaking. I was lucky enough to have a professor that understood my social problem and allowed me to redo my speeches. That class did nothing but dangerously increase my heart rate.
Kelly5 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Coming from someone who's fairly shy, thought not near as much as I used to be, I find a few things help. Find something about yourself to be confident about, it'll make you more naturally confident and make you feel more comfortable. Stop placing girls on a pedestal. I'm absolutely great with girls... If I don't like them. I'm really good at reading signals that girls send out and stuff, but if I'm into them that all goes to **** and I basically convince myself they're too good for me. This is something I'm still working on, but it's definitely a big part. Hmmm...Do guys really convince themselves that a girl they might like is better than them? And would that really cause them to stop pursuing a girl or lose feelings for her?
Itzo Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 (edited) So most of my life i've been single most of my life(me being 22) except for a few relationships which wouldnt last for more then 3 or 4 months which i dont mind being single but everytime im intrested in a girl and "try" and introduce myself I get really shy and turnback and then i keep regreting not intoducing my self...now my question is what the easiest way to overcome shyness? are there any good books out there for that? My best way to overcome shyness was to embarrass myself all the time, without worrying what other people think of me. Examples, Once I was hitting on my college professor, she was like 27 ... she was my TEACHER in school ... and I was busting her, without worrying much about my grade. We actually went out couple of times for a tea ... and I was surprised of the outcome that time, real adrenaline. To date your college professor, I mean this is nuts I took lots of public speaking classes, acting classes, participating in speech competitions ... about weird topics, like How Religion, Politics sucks ... you know when you trying to challenge other people's norms & standarts, it is spooky and everyone tries to keep distance at the beginning, but I did not care ... Do you want to have more ideas of doing embarrassing things that WILL CURE your shyness? Check this out: http://www.myspace.com/neilstrauss Check the videos, from Mission 1 to Mission 8! Great stuff ... if you do this, I guarantee you ... 100% you are going to cure your shyness and you will feel better about yourself. p.s. By the way for the admin here, this is not a sales pitch, okey! I was accused for advertising here stuff ... blah Edited January 27, 2010 by Itzo
Author gsly Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 My best way to overcome shyness was to embarrass myself all the time, without worrying what other people think of me. Examples, Once I was hitting on my college professor, she was like 27 ... she was my TEACHER in school ... and I was busting her, without worrying much about my grade. We actually went out couple of times for a tea ... and I was surprised of the outcome that time, real adrenaline. To date your college professor, I mean this is nuts I took lots of public speaking classes, acting classes, participating in speech competitions ... about weird topics, like How Religion, Politics sucks ... you know when you trying to challenge other people's norms & standarts, it is spooky and everyone tries to keep distance at the beginning, but I did not care ... Do you want to have more ideas of doing embarrassing things that WILL CURE your shyness? Check this out: http://www.myspace.com/neilstrauss Check the videos, from Mission 1 to Mission 8! Great stuff ... if you do this, I guarantee you ... 100% you are going to cure your shyness and you will feel better about yourself. p.s. By the way for the admin here, this is not a sales pitch, okey! I was accused for advertising here stuff ... blah haha i think il get a buddy of mine and we'll do somethin like that hahaha thanks for the link! Im actually almost done reading "the game"
OceanTropic Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Force yourself. I get shy too in some occasions. Just force yourself. Everyone gets rejected, everyone gets turned down or embarrassed. Thats life. You won't achieve if you don't risk even a little bit. The quote I live by: "Im not going to tip toe through life to arrive safely at death."
Author gsly Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 Force yourself. I get shy too in some occasions. Just force yourself. Everyone gets rejected, everyone gets turned down or embarrassed. Thats life. You won't achieve if you don't risk even a little bit. The quote I live by: "Im not going to tip toe through life to arrive safely at death." i'll give it a shot tonight..im going to work out for a bit then head out for some fun..
meerkat stew Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Liquor.... OP have you considered narcotic stimulants? something with a "drine" on the end of it is a good bet. Other than drugs, humor can work to overcome shyness, do you find it easy to kid around with people? EDIT: Damn, Jakey, you really do want a spanking!
OnlyJake Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 OP have you considered narcotic stimulants? something with a "drine" on the end of it is a good bet. Other than drugs, humor can work to overcome shyness, do you find it easy to kid around with people? EDIT: Damn, Jakey, you really do want a spanking! What can I say, I was off the market for too long As far as liquor...they don't call it liquid courage for nothing... (sorry if someone already said that, I didn't read the thread)
meerkat stew Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 It's all these lascivious avatars these women have that get me worked up about gender issues! How dare you manipulate us in these ways ladies with these spankin my ass, devil woman, nekkid leg, tattoo back, hoochie mama type avatars? but do keep it up
Buttnutter100 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 gsly: Do not place an expectation on your interaction with someone you think you might like. Your one and only goal is not to make them like or accept you which you cannot control and only puts pressure on you. Rather your objective should ONLY be to talk to them in a pleasant fashion. The subject matter of the discussion does not matter.
wilsonlee Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 It is really necessary to learn the lesson that don’t feel shy for yourself, dust yourself off and get to work,do needful, will always help in every aspects of life with full determination and high confidence level. If any serious consideration to dating, you may have to spent some time exploring dating services and age doesn't matter need to make some efforts.Thanks.
Author gsly Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 gsly: Do not place an expectation on your interaction with someone you think you might like. Your one and only goal is not to make them like or accept you which you cannot control and only puts pressure on you. Rather your objective should ONLY be to talk to them in a pleasant fashion. The subject matter of the discussion does not matter. sometimes it's difficult for me to come up with something to talk about....
OnlyJake Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 sometimes it's difficult for me to come up with something to talk about.... Literally the only reason I watch tv (History channel, Discovery channel, CNN, the local news, the occasional sit-com), follow politics, and read bestsellers is to always have things to talk about with people. Well, plus I actually enjoy some of those things. Same goes for having a hobby(ies) that you are informed about and involved in, and enjoy. Ditto for paying attention to what's going on around; the easiest way to make a connection with someone else is to comment on a situation that is happening right in front of both of you.
Satisfaction Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 That's what I did! It hasn't really helped much. People tend to ignore me and think I'm crazy or I'll get sick before I even start talking. Which way is the bathroom? It didn't? People do look worried when i approach them but they relax once you get going. I find waiting in queues is fertile ground for talking. Also at gigs, waiting by the bar, in the library... What have you said and in what situation?
Satisfaction Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Literally the only reason I watch tv (History channel, Discovery channel, CNN, the local news, the occasional sit-com), follow politics, and read bestsellers is to always have things to talk about with people. Well, plus I actually enjoy some of those things. Same goes for having a hobby(ies) that you are informed about and involved in, and enjoy. Ditto for paying attention to what's going on around; the easiest way to make a connection with someone else is to comment on a situation that is happening right in front of both of you. @discochick. This is good stuff too thanks onlyjake
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