Jump to content

GF said she would delete EX as her friend. Still hasn't. Do I say something?

AloneinTexas

By AloneinTexas
in General Relationship Discussion

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

AloneinTexas Member

AloneinTexas

Posted
Posted

My previous thread was concerning 2 things, my gf telling me about her having sex with someone the 1st week of us talking and the fact she is and her EX had become FB friends again.

 

As for these 2 things, we did have a discussion of everything and seemed to have worked through it. She honestly has almost no relationship experience (that is healthy) and in her head, she is the type to tell the partner ANYTHING and hold no secrets. I see it as a good thing but I also have discretions.

 

Anyways, concerning her ex who she stopped being FWB 4-5 months ago, SHE actually brought up this and I quote "Hey babe, my relationship with you is wayyyy more important than anything or friendship on FB I have with him and I will remove him as a friend." Well 2 days have elapsed and she still hasn't done it yet. Do I say something? If so how? How long do I wait?

 

By the way, it was her idea to delete him. So that is good. But that doesn't mean she can't text or call him (I have seen his texts come in on her phone twice when we were out a few weeks ago.) Also, her deleting him doesn't mean she deletes her "feelings" for him.

 

Thoughts???

 

Thanks for all responses from before and now.

Malenfant Established Member

Malenfant

Posted
Posted
My previous thread was concerning 2 things, my gf telling me about her having sex with someone the 1st week of us talking and the fact she is and her EX had become FB friends again.

 

As for these 2 things, we did have a discussion of everything and seemed to have worked through it. She honestly has almost no relationship experience (that is healthy) and in her head, she is the type to tell the partner ANYTHING and hold no secrets. I see it as a good thing but I also have discretions.

 

Anyways, concerning her ex who she stopped being FWB 4-5 months ago, SHE actually brought up this and I quote "Hey babe, my relationship with you is wayyyy more important than anything or friendship on FB I have with him and I will remove him as a friend." Well 2 days have elapsed and she still hasn't done it yet. Do I say something? If so how? How long do I wait?

 

By the way, it was her idea to delete him. So that is good. But that doesn't mean she can't text or call him (I have seen his texts come in on her phone twice when we were out a few weeks ago.) Also, her deleting him doesn't mean she deletes her "feelings" for him.

 

Thoughts???

 

Thanks for all responses from before and now.

 

its confusing that she calls him and texts him, yet says she'll delete him on FB.

 

IMO if you're happy for her to speak to him and stay in contact, FB isnt an issue.

 

i understand that she offered to delete him, i'm assuming you had a discussion about it that led to her saying this? if not it is odd that she would offer.

  • Author
AloneinTexas Member

AloneinTexas

Posted
  • Author
Posted

She DOESNT call or text him from what I know. All I said was he texted HER a couple times a couple weeks ago and she responded, and showed me what he said. All I MEANT was deleting on FB doesn't really mean anything BECAUSE she still has his number and vice versa.

 

Yes we were talking about her ex briefly and then she did offer.

 

I'm confused by what this means "IMO if you're happy for her to speak to him and stay in contact, FB isnt an issue."

 

Coincidentally, she JUST put on Facebook saying she was a "fan" of me, using my real name. I wonder if she suspects I will say something soon so this is her way of buying more time. Or maybe I have too much time on my hands to be analyzing this all.

Malenfant Established Member

Malenfant

Posted
Posted (edited)
She DOESNT call or text him from what I know. All I said was he texted HER a couple times a couple weeks ago and she responded, and showed me what he said. All I MEANT was deleting on FB doesn't really mean anything BECAUSE she still has his number and vice versa.

 

Yes we were talking about her ex briefly and then she did offer.

 

I'm confused by what this means "IMO if you're happy for her to speak to him and stay in contact, FB isnt an issue."

 

Coincidentally, she JUST put on Facebook saying she was a "fan" of me, using my real name. I wonder if she suspects I will say something soon so this is her way of buying more time. Or maybe I have too much time on my hands to be analyzing this all.

 

ok you DONT have to SHOUT! :laugh:

 

What i meant was, if you're ok with him texting her, then why does it matter if he's on her FB or not?

 

either you want NC or you dont. if you're not happy with him texting her, then you have to say so. but if you're fine with it, then him being on her FB or not isnt an issue, apart from her saying she would delete him and then not.

 

its not obvious from your post whether you're OK with them having contact or not.

 

what do you want her to do? :confused:

 

or is this just about her saying she'll do something and then not doing it?

Edited by Malenfant
Malenfant Established Member

Malenfant

Posted
Posted

Coincidentally, she JUST put on Facebook saying she was a "fan" of me, using my real name.

 

why wouldn't she use your real name? :confused:

SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

Posted
Posted

That's easy.

 

 

Insist that she delete him from FB, and if she doesn't, then walk away from her forever.

 

 

(why postpone the inevitable?)

 

(let her believe that the ball is in her court)

 

(this is no longer about him on her facebook, it is about her being true to her word. The real question is: "why would you stay with someone who clearly isn't true to her word?")

  • Author
AloneinTexas Member

AloneinTexas

Posted
  • Author
Posted

to the first poster, I do not want her to text the guy. Just as much as I dont want them to be FB friends. I can see even if she did delete him as a FB friend it is not like it will prevent her from phone contact.

 

to the 2nd poster, how do I ask her to remove him. There are ppl on another forum telling me I would be an idiot to ask her to do it because it shows how insecure and immature I am.

 

more thoughts?

Rylle Established Member

Rylle

Posted
Posted

Thoughts???

 

Thanks for all responses from before and now.

 

I think you should say something, but I would give her more than 2 days. Unless she did something wrong to make you want her to delete him (which you say isn't the case), and unless he's constantly getting at her every hour of every day, you can't really expect her to run home, think of her ex, and log onto her account to delete him.

 

Her ex probably isn't really on her mind to the extent that she would immediately delete him. It sounds like this is more important to you than it is to her. I understand that she offered to delete him, but it sounds more like she was trying to impress you, rather than think it was so incredibly important she do this right this minute to make you feel secure in the relationship.

 

Give it another day or two. Then say something.

 

Unless, of course, in the meantime she's been on her account, adding friends, updating her status multiple times, making comments on various friends' walls, etc. If she's spent more than 10 minutes on Facebook since your conversation, she has no excuse for not having done it.

Rylle Established Member

Rylle

Posted
Posted

 

to the 2nd poster, how do I ask her to remove him. There are ppl on another forum telling me I would be an idiot to ask her to do it because it shows how insecure and immature I am.

 

more thoughts?

 

I agree that asking her to remove him shows that you're insecure and immature, to an extent (honestly it's more the fact that you've seemingly been watching her account like a hawk, checking to see if she deleted him that makes you seem that way). However, if after a few days he's still her FB friend, you should really just say "Hey, you're the one who thought you should do this, so do it." Only nicer. Why would you date someone who blows smoke up your skirt?

SuburbanOblivion Established Member

SuburbanOblivion

Posted
Posted

It seems like the two of you need to have a talk about boundaries and what the two of you find acceptable and are comfortable with.

 

Are you ok with her being in contact with ex's in general, or is it because she slept with this one when the two of you got together?

 

Is she ok with you being in contact with your ex's?

 

Some things for the both of you to think about and discuss :)

SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

Posted
Posted

to the 2nd poster, how do I ask her to remove him?

 

 

 

I said nothing about asking her to remove him.

 

 

You issue an ultimatum and walk away forever if she does not comply.

 

 

This will be incredibly simple no matter how tiny her mind is.

 

 

 

(some will say that you have no right to "demand" that she remove him from her Facebook, but you have every right to walk away. Now man-up and tell her that is what you'll do if she doesn't remove him)

clueless haha Member

clueless haha

Posted
Posted

leave it alone..

 

and if your having feelings of jealously then suck it up and get rid of them, it is not cool to be the jealous boyfriend, i've been there myself and whenever i look back all i can think is that i was being SO stupid...

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...