HeavenOrHell Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I was hoping this would be a positive message but I'm not sure now:rolleyes: The last couple of days I felt I was turning a corner, I'd deliberately seeing less of my ex and felt I had some control back. Until last night when the thing I dreaded happening happened, long story short but an ex (gay female) friend of mine who he is friends with (through me) has just left her gf after 14 years. In july just after I was dumped I told her my fears that he would end up with her (as he used to fancy her) and I hoped as a friend she would say no I wouldn't do that to you, but what she said was she couldn't say it would never happen Didn't think you did that to your friends, I wouldn't. She said she had realised the last few years she isn't gay and wants to be with a man Great! Then she dropped my friendship but is very friendly with my ex. Anyway, I hoped her and her gf would be ok but looks she has finally left her. So now I'm dreading ex and her getting together. Just when I felt I was starting to get back on my feet, 6 months on. I cant explain it but she is the person I most dread him being with, I feel inferior to her and she knows it, she will get some smug satisfaction that she is with him, knowing what it will do to me, but on the surface she will be like oh poor A, I hope she will be ok. She is self centred and likes to cause trouble, (I'm not the only one who sees this, at least 3 other people have mentioned this to me too) of course my ex can't see that, although he used to see it years ago. I feel like he only came back to me 9 years ago as she was unavailable. Our friendship with her drifted apart until earlier this year and then 2 or 3 weeks after she came back on the scene he said to me he doesn't know how he feels about me anymore (says it was my neglect). I don't know if he fancies her now, he said he fancied her years ago as we were in a rut. Last spring he told her he used to have feelings for her but wanted to lay it to rest. WTF?! I thought he told her and me that so as to put my fears about it to rest. The week before he left, when we'd been in limbo for weeks I said you're going to end up with someone else, or even worse with her and he said I was catastrophising and that he wanted us to be ok etc and he even shuddered when he thought about sleeping with someone else ("cos it wouldn't be you"). It feels like all my nightmares are coming true, they will be comforting each other because of course it's so devastating for them to have dumped their partners and have their freedom, and oh isn't it inconvenient having heartbroken exes hanging around. So yes they can console each other when it's me and her ex gf (who is so lovely) who need comforting, not them, and maybe if I'm really lucky she will move into his spare room or his bed and then all my nightmares will have come true.
ginyi1111 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 oh dear, that is a horrible feeling isnt it? the thing is since you guys have broken up and should be doing NC, i suppose it is a way to protect yourself from ever finding out about this (if it's really true). of course there is no way of stopping your mutual friends to tell you that but at least if you have been doing NC, it will soften the blow? i have the same insecurity about my ex who lives in a house with 2 girls and one girl seemed to be quite into him. i had always been insecure about her and now since he had dumped me all i can think about is them getting together and it's killing me!! you've gotta stop thinking about it HOH. Cut contact with the both of them. it's for your own good.
teanoranges Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I know how you feel. I know for a fact me and my ex could probably be good friends in a couple years.... but not while he is with this other woman. The one right after me, the one that made him feel he didn't love me anymore. I don't care if he's with anyone else, but as long as he's with her, I don't think I'd ever really feel secure in even a friendship. From what the stars say, they're perfect for each other and that scares me alot. This is one of those years where bad relationships come to an end and good ones crop up..... sucks to think the label 'bad' is on me and 'good' is on her.... might as well write failure on my forehead. lol. But no, keep up your confidence and good work. Its truly better if you don't know... and good luck!!
nobmagnet Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I dont take any credence from phycics or stars.. Lowley went to see one when we first met and they discibed me to a T along with him and his situation. We were going to have a long and happy relationship and grow old to gether a soul mates. HAHAHA bullsh*t. until he got bored and couldnt be bothered with family life more like!!!! Heaven, I feel for you but trust me when i say you are torchouring yourself. You wont be in control of the situation but you can be assured if he goes there it wont last. Forom what you have said to me he would never be compatable with her and see through her nasty manipulative personaltiy very soon. big hugs Nobby xx
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