capulsky Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 hey friends, let me tell you a little bit about my situation...sorry for this being a little bit long..So my ex and I broke up about 7 months ago, after we broke up we still talked a little bit just about what eachother was up to and small stuff. Our break up was the result of my actions, I wasn't treating her right, I had a lot going on at the time and our relationship sorta got neglected, but we both knew that we didn't want it to happen, there was just no other choice. anyway, after about a month we went NC for a while, I thought I was over her. Some things happend, I ended up rolling my truck and my friend and her drove 2 hours to come and pick me up, after that incident my ex and I have been talking more and more. I have found that I cannot see myself being with any other person, as she has told me many times recently that is the same for her. BUT since we have been broke up she has been seeing another person, it has been about 5 months or so now that she has been with that other guy. She tells me she has no feelings for him they are just "friends" so this past weekend it was her fathers birthday and her family was having a big party for him, she really wanted me to go along with her and so I did. Let me tell you that since our break up I moved to a town about one and a half hours away from where she is now, and the rolled truck incident of mine caused me to loose my license, so anyway she drove down here to pick me up to go to the party with her, we had a good time, it was like we had never been away from eachother, I talked to all of her family that I hadnt seen in a long time. Well I ended up staying at her house that night and we talked. She told me that she doesn't know what she is doing and that she cant see herself with anyone but me, and she said that she thought she was over me too, and that is why she was involved with this other guy. Who by the way called her the next morning when I was there. anyway So now, im not sure as to what I should do about this situation. As I am sitting here thinking that its pointless to go on without being with her as it is in my opinion a waste of time if we both know that we want to be together, another BUT, she says that she doesn't want to go through a long distance relationship, she is moving down here in july this year and she thinks it would be better if we just wait till then. Im not sure if I should be ok with that. I know she still is talking to that other guy, and as far as I know she hasn't said anything to him about her situation. I am willing to make things work long distance if thats what we have to do for now. but im concerned for her as to how she will handle being in a relationship with me and still living in the same town as the guy shes been seeing. So now what do I do? I dont like putting more and more pressure on the situation by telling her that she needs to make a decision now. I have told her how I feel about the situation....anyway what do you yall think...
DustySaltus Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 As a lot of others would say here, look at her actions and not her words. Have you ever heard of the expression, "I don't know if I would want to be with them anymore but it's not like if I saw them on the side of the road I wouldn't help them or anything". Look, she helped you out and that was very nice of her. She made it clear that she wasn't interested in a LDR right now but would be open to getting back with you in the future when she moves out there. In the interim she'll be hanging out with this guy....what's up with that? An hour and a half away is not that long of a distance where if two people care about each other it can't be worked out somehow. I was involved with someone almost 7000 miles away from me and the distance was the least of our problems, because for a while we really wanted it to work. This cannot be done at anything less than 100%. It's all or nothing. She's still with the other dude. This is what would happen if she was INTENT on making things work: 1. Break up with current guy 2. Work out the issues that broke you up in the 1st place. 3. Find a way to see each other during the next few months until she moves closer to you (i.e. maybe you go there one weekend, her to you the next...meet halfway, etc..) Now, she may not want to do this but this is the conversation you need to have with her. If she doesn't want to do it then it won't matter how close she moves to you in July....she's not being serious and ABSOLUTELY keeping you as a backup plan. Despite all the mistakes you might have made, you don't deserve that.
sunrae Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I'm with DustySaltus on this one... 1 1/2 hours to me is nothing to be with the person I wanted to be with... My ex husband and I lived 3 hours away from each other when we were dating and saw each other every weekend... Sometimes when I missed him bad enough during the week I would drive to sleep in the same bed with him, get up at 4am and drive to work, the next day.. Thats how bad I wanted to be with him... Sorry, sounds like she's making an excuse to me...
Author capulsky Posted February 4, 2010 Author Posted February 4, 2010 you are exactly right...I have talked to her about this situation and have told her exactly how I feel...so lately she has been contacting me at least once a day either by calling or texting me....we will talk sometimes for hours at night..about a lot of things...but she seems to always avoid talking about what is going on with us...which is understandable maybe she is still figuring things out on her end....I have come to the conclussion that she doesn't know what she wants and that I need to get out of this situation while I still can....And eventually if she wants to be with me then she will do what she needs to in order to do that....but until then....life goes on....
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