Woman totally blew me off at the gym - I'm done. Going to join Superficial America

[paddington bear]

You know when people in marriages start having sex problems sex therapists often begin by banning them from having sex with one another. To just get to know each other's bodies again, to build up trust, to build up intimacy etc.

 

I propose you actually allow or force yourself to stop looking for dates. It might in some weird, paradoxical way help. If you tell yourself that you are not looking for a woman, and indeed ban yourself from doing that, I reckon it will take a lot of the self-imposed pressure that you've put on yourself off.

(needless to say, should some hot girl in the interim throw herself at you, go for it!)

 

So, while you've taken that 'must date, must get girl' off yourself, you will be instantly more relaxed.

 

Next step, practice flirting, practice smiling, practice simply talking to women of all ages, sizes and race. Remember the goal at the end of this is not to get one of these women, but to simply get used to being relaxed around all women, hot ones, grandmothers, young women, older women and so on. You might while doing this notice that as you don't have an end goal in sight, of getting a date, that it is much easier.

 

What you should also notice is that you should get more positive responses from women in general if you're just a friendly, flirty guy, than if you are a desperate guy only focusing in on one target group.

 

You're not having fun right now, so make this fun, make trying to solve this problem fun and it will be solved more easily than continuing to get more bitter.

 

In the supermarket smile and flirt with the cashier, (do you want to date her? No! But she is female, what works on her, will likely work on some other girl in another instance). Do this with everyone, help some old lady accross the street, compliment her on her brooch, whatever. Be the guy that brings a smile to people's faces. The more you become that guy, the more positive results you'll get. People want to be around that guy, they don't want to be around someone who is so f***ed off with the world that he's radiating it from himself through every action.

 

After a while you'll notice that you will feel more relaxed about simply approaching, talking to and flirting with women you're attracted to. You'll have done it a million times before with no thought of getting anything in return, so it will become part of who you are. It is your degree course in how to deal, in general, with the opposite sex. Once you feel more confident and relaxed you will probably find that you would either a) not approach that gym girl at all b) approach her in a different way that you now know is more likely to work and c) be able to brush off any rejection because you've realised that you can easily converse with many other women and that this gym girl is only one out of many and not worth your time or thoughts beyond thinking 'her loss' and moving on.

[pantherj]

I couldn't help but think of this funny skit when I read OpenGL story.

 

[DiscoChick]

I couldn't help but think of this funny skit when I read OpenGL story.

 

At first I didn't get it. I watched it again and noticed that it said Tom Brady at the top. Which is weird...he's not so attractive without his helmet or hair. The creepy guy actually looked more attractive than him (in this video).

[meerkat stew]

For God's sake man...GYM ETIQUETTE. GYM ETIQUETTE!!!! You do NOT hit on a girl when she is working out - it is a huge faux pas. She was there to exercise not to get hit on by random straners (and your approach was very transparent).

 

You made a mistake: ths gym is not a bar. It is not for hooking up. I'd knock back Brad Pitt if he got in the way of my workout. Maybe some people don't know these unwritten rules but a lot of us DO.

 

Women approach me and start conversations fairly frequently at the gym. Some attractive, some not, most all with no sexual motive at all, just want to talk. Men do too. I am always friendly no matter who it is or whether or not I'm attracted. I feel most men are the same whether it's women or men talking to them. I often nod and smile to everyone at the gym, especially the ones who are there frequently.

 

In short, I'm not buying this women's privilege to be rude to people who are members of the same health club who have the audacity, the sheer gall, to say something to them. I also don't buy the "I freeze up" excuse from anyone over the age of 17. Of course you don't interrupt someone's exercise set, and of course pickup lines are cheezy, but that's not at all what OP described.

 

Giving basic human courtesy to those around us is just not that big a deal, it's so elementary even that to see threads like this repeated , where some woman acts as if she is too good to be spoken to, says just how much is wrong with our culture. Out on the street, at night, in a bar or club, sure. At the gym with people around, this kind of privilged attitude is ridiculous.

 

And I don't believe the "Brad Pitt" comment for one second.

[Johnny M]

I agree. It's not the place where I like being chatted up.

Chatting up women is bad idea in general. I don't know why so many men do it (must be desperation). If you are an attractive, well groomed, professional-looking man, women will be trying to chat you up. All you have to do is play it cool and not act like a total snob.

[soserious1]

Aside from the gym bunnies who go dressed in cute little gym clothing sporting full makeup and freshly done hair, I don't know a single person who enjoys being hit on at the gym.

[samspade]

Ok, I got back to the gym about 2 hours ago and I want to share my "pleasant" experience.

 

So I am doing my daily cardio on the treadmill and I notice a girl walk by and get on the bike in front of me. Now this girl was totally my type, and thats a rarity (but I obviously don't restrict myself from only dating a certain type of woman). She has the hippy/nerd look, very average looks by societies standards, maybe a 4 or 5 but looked very good in my eyes. About 5'3 with long dark brown hair. And she was also reading a popular mechanics magazine while biking which exponentially increased my interest in her. I also knew this was my "in" as I read popular mechanics from time to time.

 

With all the btching I do on the forum, coupled with how much she interested me (so far), I knew I had to step up and try to talk to her. I couldn't let the opprotunity go by.

 

After I was done with the treadmill I just kinda streched off to the side to waited till she was finished, as I didn't want to be rude and interrupt her workout. After she was doing, I have her a minute to cooldown and grab her stuff, but as she started walking down the aisle I approached her. The "conversation" went something like this:

 

Me: "Hey excuse me"

-She turns around, seeming annoyed

Me: "I noticed you were reading popular mechanics, was that this month's issue?"

-She stares at me for about 3 seconds with these narrow annoyed looking eyes, turned around and picked her bags back up and walked off. Did not say a word. She didn't even acknowledge that I was a human being. Just walked off like I shouldn't even of had the nerve to interrupt her life for 5 seconds.

 

I just kinda stood there for a second, shook my head, and went to go hit the weights. I know what you're going to say, maybe she had a boyfriend, and maybe you're right, but she wasn't there with him and it still doesn't require her to not even acknowledge me as a living and breathing human being.

 

 

So yeah, I'm completely done. I give up, I can't beat em, so I'm joining them. This girl completely dismissed me without even getting to know ANYTHING about me or saying a word to me. Look, in today's society, we live in a plastic, superficial, media driven country and women have completely soaked it up. All women. From good looking to below average. From airhead to nerd. It doesn't matter, they all have bought into it hook line and sinker. You're not even worthy of talking to unless you're good looking

 

Here is what I plan to do to improve my looks:

 

1. Start taking steroids, get even more ripped and lean that I already am. I want to gain 20lbs and start walking around at 6% body fat on a daily basis.

 

2. Plastic Surgery to my face and get skin treatment. Make my face shape more symertical and model like with very smooth skin, sharper chin and jawline.

 

3. Go to mexico and get the heightening surgery. At least 3 inches, I think 5'10 will make me "passable". Remember I only am asking for very average women, I think most will accept 5'10.

 

4. Either wear expensive suits or a tank top everywhere. That's it. At all times I'm either going to be showing off my wealth or muscles.

 

You're this upset over being blown off by one female?

 

You need to go back to square one and start over. If one rejection gets you this frustrated, you have much to learn.

[alphamale]

If one rejection gets you this frustrated, you have much to learn.

rejection is the key to success with women

[OpenGL]

For the people who keep saying why in the world am I getting upset for being rejected by one woman, let me re-post my earlier reply for the people who obviously missed it.

 

Sorry for the reply, made that thread late last night.

 

Anyway, I really don't think you guys understand my situation or maybe I should of made it more clear. This is not a I got rejected my one girl incident and now I'm overreacting. Maybe a lot of you guys haven't been following my threads but here has how the past two years of my life have gone, in sequential order:

 

1. Day game.

2. Online game.

3. Back to day game.

4. Night club game.

 

And by "game", I don't mean throwing out cheesy lines, I just mean trying to talk to girls/pick up girls. I have basically been constantly rejected for the past 2 years other than random one night stands or VERY brief (1-2 weeks max) relationships and that ONLY came from night club game. The quality of women from this was not girlfriend material anyway.

 

Day game has been the worst, followed by online game. At least online game I have gotten a few dates (with about a 1% ratio to women I contact). Day game nets me the behavior I described in my OP. And this is actually the first time I have ever approached a woman at the gym, most of my day game approaches have been at malls and coffee shops and such. I can't tell you how many times I have been ignored/shrugged off in day game, although I don't think I have encountered a woman as rude at the gym last night.

 

I also find it quite funny how some women on here claim don't pick up women at the bar, don't pick up women at the club, don't pick up women at the gym. What's next, I tell you that I tried to talk to a woman at the grocery store and you say don't pick up women there because they are just trying to shop? Give me a fing break already. If a woman (or anybody for that matter) is out, they are obviously doing something, whether it be working out or shopping or whatever.

 

Also, if I waited for women to smile at me before I approached them, I wouldn't be able to approach a woman for the rest of my life. Horrible advice. Women don't look at short and unattractive men, unless they are looking at them in disgust.

 

I think most of you need to pull your head out of the sand and realize the world we are living in.

[threebyfate]

You don't listen, OpenGL. Almost every single woman in this thread has said she hates being hit on, at the gym. The message is clear. Leave your ego behind, admit you've made a tactical error and move on.

[OpenGL]

You don't listen, OpenGL. Almost every single woman in this thread has said she hates being hit on, at the gym. The message is clear. Leave your ego behind, admit you've made a tactical error and move on.

 

Like the reply above says, this was the first time I actually hit on a woman in the gym. Every other time has been outside.

[samspade]

OpenGL,

 

1. You are probably doing something wrong. Or, your mindset is wrong and women can smell you coming a mile away.

 

2. You are to be commended for your attempts, and should go back and figure out what is not working.

 

3. You won't learn about game on LS. Most of the posters here are females (who have no vested interest in learning how men game) and frustrated males who are still using the beta approach and having their hearts broken.

 

4. Posting about your attempts on this site will not help you. There is a lot of noise here - people b*tching about the opposite sex, people trying to "win back" their exes, people wondering why the guy/girl they're nailing won't leave their SOs...I recommend you go to a site more geared toward your goals of seduction. Here you're mostly going to be hated on by frustrated males and bitter reactionary females.

 

Simply put, you know you need to fix something, so do some more research and then get back into the field.

[samspade]

Oh, and

 

5. Don't listen to what women say; watch what they do. Big difference. In short, don't stop yourself from approaching a woman just because a bunch of LSers told you they don't like it.

[threebyfate]

Like the reply above says, this was the first time I actually hit on a woman in the gym. Every other time has been outside.

If you're hitting up random women and they're all rejecting you, there's only one constant. Something about your approach is turning these women off.

 

Instead of looking at every woman as a prospective, start socializing instead, like chatting with people in general, in the grocery line up, regardless of gender or attractiveness. Once you get that technique down pat, where most of the responses are chatty and friendly back to you, then try the cold call approach and see if it changes anything.

 

The ability to read body and facial language, really helps. So does the ability to read social cues, which ties in not only what they say but how they say it. There are no instruction books, so you can't learn this like 1, 2, 3. You learn it through experience, from friendly interactions.

[DiscoChick]

Simply put, you know you need to fix something, so do some more research and then get back into the field.

 

Best advice ever. I did this and realized I'd have to change too much about myself to really attract a guy around here. I have my own fashion sense and that gets me nothing but weird stares. I feel your pain, umm OpenGL. I don't even bother to talk to guys anymore. If they never come, oh well. Their loss. I don't sit around feeling sorry for myself. I focus on making me happy. You should focus on making yourself happy and not so much finding a chick.

[BG1985]

No, as I posted earlier, there are books that help with body language. Get "The Definitive Book of Body Language" by Allan and Barbara Pease. It's not just body language for romance/seduction. It'll help you in business and everyday life as well. If a woman has her arms crossed and a frown on her face, don't talk to her. She wants nothing to do with you.

[threebyfate]

No, as I posted earlier, there are books that help with body language. Get "The Definitive Book of Body Language" by Allan and Barbara Pease. It's not just body language for romance/seduction. It'll help you in business and everyday life as well. If a woman has her arms crossed and a frown on her face, don't talk to her. She wants nothing to do with you.

Hostility is self-evident. I don't put any stock in those body language books. For example, women twirling or playing with their hair. I twirl my hair while reading, posting, working, etc. This is a bad habit, rather than a flirtatious gesture.

[Johnny M]

OpenGL,

 

1. You are probably doing something wrong. Or, your mindset is wrong and women can smell you coming a mile away.

 

2. You are to be commended for your attempts, and should go back and figure out what is not working.

 

3. You won't learn about game on LS. Most of the posters here are females (who have no vested interest in learning how men game) and frustrated males who are still using the beta approach and having their hearts broken.

 

4. Posting about your attempts on this site will not help you. There is a lot of noise here - people b*tching about the opposite sex, people trying to "win back" their exes, people wondering why the guy/girl they're nailing won't leave their SOs...I recommend you go to a site more geared toward your goals of seduction. Here you're mostly going to be hated on by frustrated males and bitter reactionary females.

 

Simply put, you know you need to fix something, so do some more research and then get back into the field.

Very good post, sam spade. I agree 100%.

[BG1985]

They don't teach that a girl simply twirling her hair is interested in you. You have to look at clusters of body language. What's she doing with the rest of her body? How are her legs positioned? What's she doing with her other arm? Is she smiling and making eye contact or is she looking away from you? Of course there are always exceptions, but it's trustworthy overall in my opinion.

[Barky]

Has the OP considered that maybe his forte is not and never will be picking up women? I had a buddy who loved tennis, or at least he tried to love it, but for a full 15 years of his life just stank at it. Went every week, came back frustrated, broke tons of racquets throwing them and spent thousands of dollars on lessons. To no avail. The guy sucked no matter what he did. Pros would come in specially just to help him, and would leave without improving the guy's game one bit.

 

Finally he stopped playing tennis and took up racquetball, which he's actually passable at. Has a much better time.

 

"A man's got to know his limitations."

[Skump]

I have a suggestion. It's semi-weird to be sure, but given that you've reached a point where you're seriously considering a procedure that entails having your legs broken and then confinement to a wheelchair or crutches for a year, it's not exactly outrageous, either:

 

Have you ever considered having a friend discretely record you while you're on the scene? Maybe there's something flawed about your approach that would only be apparent to a third person.

[Sweetie1977]

I have a suggestion. It's semi-weird to be sure, but given that you've reached a point where you're seriously considering a procedure that entails having your legs broken and then confinement to a wheelchair or crutches for a year, it's not exactly outrageous, either:

 

Have you ever considered having a friend discretely record you while you're on the scene? Maybe there's something flawed about your approach that would only be apparent to a third person.

 

Maybe hes just not attractive?

 

Women tend to like attractive Men

[citygal1]

I can understand that many people ( both men and women ) don't want to be hit on at gym. However IMO that is still no excuse to be rude to another person. In that situation, I would have politely answered the question. Then resume my workout.

[phineas]

Every woman I know has told me the same thing.

Nothing is more annoying that people hitting on them at the gym.

 

I've never hit on a woman at the gym.

I just go there to work out.

[OpenGL]

Just ordered some Gear, should be here next week.

 

I'm going to start training like crazy once I'm on it.