Barky Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I'm wondering what the allure is regarding marriage for women. I'm a guy and do a lot of online dating, been doing it for years, and one day almost a year ago I decided to mix things up so I put on my online profile something to the effect of: "love dating, not interested in marriage" and the number of responses dropped to essentially nothing. When I removed that from the profile, responses again rose to where they were before. I could understand if, say, HALF of all women ages 25-35 really wanted to get married. But it seems like 99.9% of them do. In fact, I've dated a ton and I don't think I've ever, ever in my life run into a young woman who didn't want to eventually get married. What a popular institution! What incredible market penetration! If a company could get that high a percentage of the female population interested in its product or service, that company would be rolling in dough. So what's the allure of marriage, I don't get it, I've never wanted to be married.
alphamale Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 So what's the allure of marriage, I don't get it, I've never wanted to be married. women instinctually know they'll have the upper hand after marriage...they like to call it "security"
Author Barky Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 It must be something like that... I've even met women who didn't want kids, but never a woman who didn't want to get married. Must be something in the water I don't know of anything besides marriage that it seems ALL women want.
Pleco Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I hadn't put much thought into the idea of marriage until recently. I don't really want kids, so it seemed kinda pointless. I always liked the idea of happily unmarried forever, even if I was happily unmarried to one person forever. Just didn't see the point of going through with marriage. I always liked the idea of a ring, though...and I don't even wear jewelry. Maybe it's just romantic. But current SO has convinced me otherwise. He wants to get married and now that I've finally given it more than half a thought, I can see the benefits. And I guess it is romantic. Still don't want kids though.
Citizen Erased Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I am traditional in the sense that the person I am going to spend my life with, have a family with, I wish to be married to. To me it is the ultimate expression that they want me, they choose me, to be theirs. I know plenty of people are happy with remaining unmarried, I'm not one of them.
Author Barky Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 Are there any women who have no desire to spend the rest of their lives with one person?
Malenfant Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 i am married, but i was never fussed about it. it wasnt one of my life goals. my ex didnt want to and that never bothered me. My H & I just felt it was right for us. TBH i dont totally understand the need either, and especially that some women would leave a great man just because he doesnt want to get married.
hopeful1980 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I wanted to be married to give my children a head start in life. I didn't want my kids to have a "weekend dad" or be raised by a single mother. Marriage isn't perfect but it's the best thing we've got that says, "I'm committed to you."
Mr White Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 women instinctually know they'll have the upper hand after marriage...they like to call it "security" I don't understand where they get that delusional idea? If a woman doesn't treat me right in marriage, not only she will not be married (anymore), but she will also be "divorced".
Jeff1962 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I'm wondering what the allure is regarding marriage for women. I'm a guy and do a lot of online dating, been doing it for years, and one day almost a year ago I decided to mix things up so I put on my online profile something to the effect of: "love dating, not interested in marriage" and the number of responses dropped to essentially nothing. When I removed that from the profile, responses again rose to where they were before. I could understand if, say, HALF of all women ages 25-35 really wanted to get married. But it seems like 99.9% of them do. In fact, I've dated a ton and I don't think I've ever, ever in my life run into a young woman who didn't want to eventually get married. What a popular institution! What incredible market penetration! If a company could get that high a percentage of the female population interested in its product or service, that company would be rolling in dough. So what's the allure of marriage, I don't get it, I've never wanted to be married. There is nothing wrong with marriage if you marry the right person for the right reasons. We all desire companionship. To find that ONE person that you get to know more and more, everyday over the rest of your life is special. It's an emotional/spiritual and physical bond.
nddb Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Women are wired differently in this area. You can use it to your advantage (for good or ill). It is what it is.
Author Barky Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 Women are wired differently in this area. You can use it to your advantage (for good or ill). It is what it is. Please elaborate on how it can be used for good or ill....
Lauriebell82 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 A lot of women are traditional in the fact that they want to have children in wedlock. Also it does give a sense of security to women that it doesn't give to men. IMO women benefit way more from marriage then men do. Heck, women used to marry for financial benefits, as having a career 40 years ago was unheard of for a woman. They married, had children, became June Cleaver. Despite the fact that women have careers now, the tradition to marry has continued until the present. The wedding is a big allure for women also. To be the "bride" is a very special and exciting fantasy. I know I always dreamt of a big beautiful wedding as part of the marriage package. Some may think that is wrong or superficial but I disagree. To stand up in front of friends and family and declare your love to everyone is exciting! Reasons why marriage is alluring to women: 1. financial benefits 2. having children 3. having a wedding 4. being conditioned that marriage is a "goal" 5. stigma attached to being a single woman 6. companionship
Eeyore79 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Are there any women who have no desire to spend the rest of their lives with one person? I don't think there are many of them. The entire wedding industry is pretty much aimed at women; often the guy does little but actually turn up and say "I do". I wanted to be married to give my children a head start in life. I didn't want my kids to have a "weekend dad" or be raised by a single mother. This is one of the main reasons why I want to get married - I want my future kids to have two parents in a stable relationship. While I realise that kids would be equally well looked after by two committed-but-unmarried parents, I think that the extra legal and emotional stability of the parents being wed is valuable, not to mention it sets a good example of responsibility and commitment. Personally I'd feel more secure if the father was married to me, because then it would be harder for him to run off and leave me holding the baby. I don't understand where they get that delusional idea? If a woman doesn't treat me right in marriage, not only she will not be married (anymore), but she will also be "divorced". Yep... she will be divorced, with half of your assets and an alimony payment rolling in every month. You're much less likely to leave me if you know I'm going to take half your stuff and all your money, plus the hassle and expense of divorce is a deterrent too.
anne1707 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Reasons why marriage is alluring to women: 1. financial benefits 2. having children 3. having a wedding 4. being conditioned that marriage is a "goal" 5. stigma attached to being a single woman 6. companionship Maybe for some women but not me I earn more than my H (and earned less than my first H) - as long as he contributes through either income or some other means than that is fineA good father is a good father regardless of marital statusSo very, very wrong. Marriage is supposed to be for life, not a day Goals should be based on having a fulfilling life in which you are happy with yourself - you should not "need" to be married to feel successful or "complete"To me, I would rather be single and happy than married, miserable yet thinking "well at least I am married, phew!"Companionship can be found with friends and family. I want more than compansionship in a marriage
nddb Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Please elaborate on how it can be used for good or ill.... Wanting something badly makes a person vulnerable to those who provide it, or falsely project that they would provide it. marketing 101
Stung Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Are there any women who have no desire to spend the rest of their lives with one person? I know women who are not married by choice, their longtime boyfriends have broached the subject and these women have decided against it, for various personal reasons. However, they are committed to their boyfriends and plan on growing old by their sides. I do not personally know any women who have zero desire to be committed to someone they love as they enter the latter phases of their lives. They certainly might exist, but I don't meet up with any of them for coffee. I wanted to be married, but not to just anyone. I would have rather been alone than marry for convenience, or settle just to be able to say I was married. I was lucky enough to meet the right one for me some years ago and married him recently. I wanted to marry my husband because I wanted the symbolic union of spirit with him, I wanted to legally make him my family, I wanted to commit to him in a way that plainly said to everyone that I had every intention of growing old with that man. Some say they see no point in marriage, as it detracts from the true nature of the commitment, allowing complacency, but I disagree. My lifestyle did not change one single iota with marriage, we were already living together, raising children together out of joined bank accounts...but I feel we are a truer union now, a real package deal. I have a tendency when really angry to want to throw everything away and hop on my Harley and ride off into the sunset ...I'm married now, that's not so easy. It makes me focus more on my own flaws, work harder to fix myself so that I am not rash or hasty in my temper, because I have this precious thing, this commitment with a higher value. Just my own two cents. Others' mileage will vary.
Lauriebell82 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Maybe for some women but not me I earn more than my H (and earned less than my first H) - as long as he contributes through either income or some other means than that is fineA good father is a good father regardless of marital statusSo very, very wrong. Marriage is supposed to be for life, not a day Goals should be based on having a fulfilling life in which you are happy with yourself - you should not "need" to be married to feel successful or "complete"To me, I would rather be single and happy than married, miserable yet thinking "well at least I am married, phew!"Companionship can be found with friends and family. I want more than compansionship in a marriage Well, that's good. Those weren't MY particular reasons for wanting to get married, just some reasons that I've heard women says. Obviously not all women feel this way though!
threebyfate Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Trying to explain commitment based on love, trust and respect, to someone who doesn't understand the richness in life that it brings, is an impossible feat. All I can say is that if you feel this way about marriage, steer clear of it and run away as hard and fast from it as possible.
Lizzie60 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I'm wondering what the allure is regarding marriage for women. I'm a guy and do a lot of online dating, been doing it for years, and one day almost a year ago I decided to mix things up so I put on my online profile something to the effect of: "love dating, not interested in marriage" and the number of responses dropped to essentially nothing. When I removed that from the profile, responses again rose to where they were before. I could understand if, say, HALF of all women ages 25-35 really wanted to get married. But it seems like 99.9% of them do. In fact, I've dated a ton and I don't think I've ever, ever in my life run into a young woman who didn't want to eventually get married. What a popular institution! What incredible market penetration! If a company could get that high a percentage of the female population interested in its product or service, that company would be rolling in dough. So what's the allure of marriage, I don't get it, I've never wanted to be married. I don't get it either.. I never married... (not religious)... my daughter never married... I don't see the 'necessity'... it's ionly a (stupid) 'tradition' ... It also could be a cultural 'tradition' as well... in Quebec here.. the rate of common-law relationships exceeds the rate of marriages.. There are ways a woman can protect herself financially.. no need for a marriage for that.. Methink that it's more of the 'faity tale' day... little girls are taught that it is the greatest day of their life ( yeah right).. the wedding (vows)... the reception (party).. the white gown... (hypocrisy)... the honeymoon... (it's just another night for sex.. )
Lizzie60 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Are there any women who have no desire to spend the rest of their lives with one person? Waving hands... ME!!! ME!!!!
Lizzie60 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 i am married, but i was never fussed about it. it wasnt one of my life goals. my ex didnt want to and that never bothered me. My H & I just felt it was right for us. TBH i dont totally understand the need either, and especially that some women would leave a great man just because he doesnt want to get married. Well said... totally ridiculous.. :rolleyes:
Lizzie60 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Thing is... some are unhappily married for better or worst... Guys.. think about it.. you get free sex... for a while anyway... I've heard guys said that before.. I'll get married.. then I'll have much more sex..
Stung Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 <shrug> I am not religious, either, nor am I from an area where there is enormous social pressure to marry, although I do know it is like that in many places.
Buttnutter100 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 If more women could answer this question, there would be less divorces.
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