mzalmondcream Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Here's the basic info: He's 37 I'm 20 We've been together for 2 years now He has several kids from previous relationships I'm so happily in love, but my family doesnt agree, so I'm planning alone. I'm worried that the family stress will ruin our marriage before it starts... What do I do?
BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Sorry to hear that you are having to stress like this when you should be happy and celebrating! Tell your family to accept the person you love or you won't be around. simple as that. Why don't they like him?
Toodamnpragmatic Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I'd be livid too... A 35 yo with children dating my 18 year old, and now marrying her.... But I'm an old fuddy-duddy....
angie2443 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Here's the basic info: He's 37 I'm 20 We've been together for 2 years now He has several kids from previous relationships I'm so happily in love, but my family doesnt agree, so I'm planning alone. I'm worried that the family stress will ruin our marriage before it starts... What do I do? Unless you are brain damaged, you will out grow this man in a few years. Please, run run run away from this man. Step back and read your post over and over again and look at him with out any emotion, just logic. Why on earth do you want to be with this man?
Simon Attwood Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 He has several kids from previous relationships Before leaping to any conclusions or making any suggestions based on assumptions, this bit needs to be filled in with a few more details; How many kids from how many different relationships?
Toodamnpragmatic Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Before leaping to any conclusions or making any suggestions based on assumptions, this bit needs to be filled in with a few more details; How many kids from how many different relationships? Yes we may on LS.... but this does not take too much brain power to figure out.... Several children (usually means 3+) from multiple baby mamas.... He's 37 she's 20 and already together 2 years.... Living together???? Who knows. The fact her family want nothing to do with this marriage is 100% understandable..... I shudder to think if this was my daughter.
stillafool Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Here's the basic info: He's 37 I'm 20 We've been together for 2 years now He has several kids from previous relationships I'm so happily in love, but my family doesnt agree, so I'm planning alone. I'm worried that the family stress will ruin our marriage before it starts... What do I do? Listen to your family! You are heading down a dangerous slope.
make me believe Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I'd be livid too... A 35 yo with children dating my 18 year old, and now marrying her.... But I'm an old fuddy-duddy.... I agree with you completely, TDP, and I am a 26 year old female! Girl, you need to leave this dude and find somebody closer to your own age. Just take a step back for a moment and think about it logically. WHAT in the world would a 35 year old man be doing with an 18 year old girl???! How old are his kids, btw? I'm willing to bet at least one of them is pretty close in age to you..
Eeyore79 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I have to agree... if you were my daughter I'd disown you if you married this guy. The fact that he's old enough to be your father is bad enough, but the multiple kids to different women make the situation even worse. How do you expect him to afford to have a life with you when he's paying child support for all these kids? Please run away from this cradle snatcher while you still have the chance, before he gets you pregnant with another of his offspring and abandons you like he abandoned his exes!
NowhereToHide Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I have to agree... if you were my daughter I'd disown you if you married this guy. The fact that he's old enough to be your father is bad enough, but the multiple kids to different women make the situation even worse. How do you expect him to afford to have a life with you when he's paying child support for all these kids? Please run away from this cradle snatcher while you still have the chance, before he gets you pregnant with another of his offspring and abandons you like he abandoned his exes! Really? Do you have kids? If you did, you would never make that statement.
Eeyore79 Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 No I don't have kids, but I certainly wouldn't want the embarrassment of a son-in-law with a load of illegitimate ones... particularly if the son-in-law was a middle aged man who was cavorting with a girl barely out of her teens. My daughter would have to choose... I would still be there for her if she eventually saw sense and left him, but I wouldn't be prepared to stand by and watch her ruin her life and humiliate me in the process.
norajane Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 You're only 20 - why are you in such a big huge rush to get married? You have so much living ahead of you before you even know who you are as an adult, what is important and how you want to live your life. Why do you want to lock yourself in with a guy almost twice your age who had multiple kids by multiple baby mama's? Are you worried that if you wait, the relationship won't last? That's a good reason not to get married. If you're afraid it won't last if you wait, then it's not likely to last even if you do get married. Are you worried that you won't ever find anyone else who wants to marry you? Desperation is also a bad reason to get married. Have you ever been in love before, real love? If this is your first love, then I can see how you might believe you're supposed to be together, but the truth is, very few people marry their first loves because people change so much over time and in a few years, this guy won't be the one you really can see yourself spending decades with. Are you prepared for him to start slowing down, losing his health, and dying long before you do? You probably aren't, unless you've cared for aging and sick relatives. Does he take care of those multiple children, financially and emotionally? Is he a good father? What kind of relationship does he have with his baby-momma's? Are you in college? When do you graduate? Do you have plans to get a job and have a career? Have you traveled and experienced different cultures and people and ways of life?
NowhereToHide Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 No I don't have kids, but I certainly wouldn't want the embarrassment of a son-in-law with a load of illegitimate ones... particularly if the son-in-law was a middle aged man who was cavorting with a girl barely out of her teens. My daughter would have to choose... I would still be there for her if she eventually saw sense and left him, but I wouldn't be prepared to stand by and watch her ruin her life and humiliate me in the process. First of all, if you had kids you would realize that you love them NO MATTER WHAT. You don't abandon them because they might "embarrass" you. You stand by them regardless of their bad choices. That is what a parent does. You don't give ultimatums with your love as the prize. The love for a child isn't used for emotional blackmail. You DO stand by them. It's not about YOU or you feeling "humiliated". Unbelievable. Do I agree with what she is doing? Of course not. And I DO have kids. And I would be working like crazy to get her to see that she is making a mistake. But I wouldn't threaten to take my love away if she made the wrong choice. That's not what a parent does.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 First of all, if you had kids you would realize that you love them NO MATTER WHAT. You don't abandon them because they might "embarrass" you. You stand by them regardless of their bad choices. That is what a parent does. You don't give ultimatums with your love as the prize. The love for a child isn't used for emotional blackmail. You DO stand by them. It's not about YOU or you feeling "humiliated". Unbelievable. Do I agree with what she is doing? Of course not. And I DO have kids. And I would be working like crazy to get her to see that she is making a mistake. But I wouldn't threaten to take my love away if she made the wrong choice. That's not what a parent does. My reaction, resolve and how I dealt with it would be tested to the limit. However as seen the OP has disappeared and probably doesn't care at all what we have to say, as she looked for support, where none could be given and found out like probably all her friends, family and parents we are aghast at her decision, based on the little we know. Anyhow seems this was her first and only post, so let's move on children, nothing to see here......
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