threebyfate Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Woggle, you're filtering the good out and retaining the bad. I'm also surrounded by good marriages, with friends and family. People aren't perfect so yes, there are times that they fight and act out. But that doesn't mean that they're not good marriages, in that the good times, far outweigh the bad times.
Author Woggle Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 I wish I could be as positive as you TBF. Maybe because it was one man and not a pattern that you see over and over again you are able to say that your ex is the exception and not the rule. I wish I could be as hopeful and trusting as I was in my first marriage yet give that trust to a woman that deserves it but what I have seen can't be unseen.
sally4sara Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I wish I could be as positive as you TBF. Maybe because it was one man and not a pattern that you see over and over again you are able to say that your ex is the exception and not the rule. I wish I could be as hopeful and trusting as I was in my first marriage yet give that trust to a woman that deserves it but what I have seen can't be unseen. It may have been only one man to TBF, Woggle, but it IS many men over and over. You don't seem to be able to see the slew of posts showing this as an equal pattern because you don't WANT to. You WANT to think it is women, but it isn't just women.
Author Woggle Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 It may have been only one man to TBF, Woggle, but it IS many men over and over. You don't seem to be able to see the slew of posts showing this as an equal pattern because you don't WANT to. You WANT to think it is women, but it isn't just women. I am sorry but I do not think of a married woman chasing after a married man to be a victim. Her husband and the OM's wife are the only true victims in that situation. That is what most of the posts from women on this board seem to be about.
sally4sara Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I am sorry but I do not think of a married woman chasing after a married man to be a victim. Her husband and the OM's wife are the only true victims in that situation. That is what most of the posts from women on this board seem to be about. Did you even read what I posted? I wasn't even considering anyone from the OW forum. But on that note, for everyone of them, that means some wife is getting cheated on. I am talking about the women who come on here in misery because their husband is betraying them or treating them like crap. You act like this threads don't exist because they don't support your hate. If you gave them credibility, you'd have to stop lying to your wife and stop snooping through her email. You are not ready for that because you never really loved her. your wife is just an experiment to see if she will fulfill your beliefs. All while you still pine for a woman who died long ago to meth abuse. And lucky you, your wife treats you well while you just wait out your experiment and still feel love for a drug addicted banshee. You are one of those who only loves a jerk.
Author Woggle Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 Most of the women who come in here in misery have a husband who treats them well but they fell out of love and think of him as a brother. There are very few women who come on here that are actually being mistreated by a man. Also my ex is more into cocaine and heroin than she is meth though who knows what she is doing now. I don't love what she has become but those days in New York with her were some of the best days of my life and I wish we would have stayed like that. I wish I would have saved up a little more to buy a nice house in a developing area of the city instead of trying to settle for a cheapo house on the Jersey Shore that I could easily pay off.
sally4sara Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Most of the women who come in here in misery have a husband who treats them well but they fell out of love and think of him as a brother. There are very few women who come on here that are actually being mistreated by a man. This is not known. This is what you prefer to assume because otherwise, it wouldn't support your beliefs. One of the things over and over I see, is you being faced with a contradiction to what you believe and filling in details that none of us can know for not being in whatever person's life. We don't see all the details because we only hear one side. You take that silent side and put yourself in their shoes. That is when you start assuming the guy to be faultless. You decide his actions to be justified without any information to support it. YOU just make it up and believe it to be true. It might be true, but neither you or I or anyone else really know for sure.
Author Woggle Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 This is not known. This is what you prefer to assume because otherwise, it wouldn't support your beliefs. One of the things over and over I see, is you being faced with a contradiction to what you believe and filling in details that none of us can know for not being in whatever person's life. We don't see all the details because we only hear one side. You take that silent side and put yourself in their shoes. That is when you start assuming the guy to be faultless. You decide his actions to be justified without any information to support it. YOU just make it up and believe it to be true. It might be true, but neither you or I or anyone else really know for sure. These posts are from women who pretty much admit they have great men but just don't feel it anymore. There are very few threads here from women who thought they had something good and then were betrayed.
NoIDidn't Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Good luck, Wogs. Trying to talk you out of your biases and strongly held misogynist beliefs is truly pointless. My only point to you is that if I could be helped, you can too. But people arguing with you about it only engages your victim side that can't see the forrest for the trees. Been there, done that. It only gets worst until you lose everything you say you love. Trust me. I was lucky. I can only hope you will be as lucky.
sally4sara Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 These posts are from women who pretty much admit they have great men but just don't feel it anymore. There are very few threads here from women who thought they had something good and then were betrayed. Completely untrue. There are new ones everyday. They just don't have the juicy titles that attract your attention so you don't read them. Like a hetero guy who complains about how fat women are these days. He doesn't see the fat men walking around because they are not who he is sexually interested in. They don't draw his attention so they might as well not even exist in his world. Betrayed women do not excite or interest you for anything but some perverse revenge you'd like to see play out.
Author Woggle Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 Completely untrue. There are new ones everyday. They just don't have the juicy titles that attract your attention so you don't read them. Like a hetero guy who complains about how fat women are these days. He doesn't see the fat men walking around because they are not who he is sexually interested in. They don't draw his attention so they might as well not even exist in his world. Betrayed women do not excite or interest you for anything but some perverse revenge you'd like to see play out. Aren't you the same way when you once said that men being cheated on and betrayed is just payback for the way women were treated?
sally4sara Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Aren't you the same way when you once said that men being cheated on and betrayed is just payback for the way women were treated? Woggs, Again. I told you I said that because YOU said it. I wanted to see how you would react to hearing your own logic. You freaked out and didn't even realize I said it word for word how you had IN THE SAME THREAD. If it were really my own opinion, I wouldn't have needed to use YOUR words. Now will we need to have this conversation a third time next week or will you remember it this time?
Author Woggle Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 The way you typed it it read like that's how you really feel.
sally4sara Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Aren't you the same way when you once said that men being cheated on and betrayed is just payback for the way women were treated? And P.S. In what way does this post address what I said to you about how it is very common on here for women to post about being cheated on and betrayed by their husbands just as often as the threads about men getting cheated on and betrayed by their wives?
sally4sara Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 The way you typed it it read like that's how you really feel. No. That is just more of you wanting to believe what supports your views. the way I typed it is how YOU typed it and YOU really feel that way.
Author Woggle Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 And P.S. In what way does this post address what I said to you about how it is very common on here for women to post about being cheated on and betrayed by their husbands just as often as the threads about men getting cheated on and betrayed by their wives? You said that the only time I notice threads about women being cheated was when I had some revenge fantasy and I ask how is that any different than some of the comments you have made. I must admit that there is an increasing amount of threads where women have walkaway husbands and at times I do get an evil smirk reading them because the shoe is now on the other foot.
sally4sara Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 You said that the only time I notice threads about women being cheated was when I had some revenge fantasy and I ask how is that any different than some of the comments you have made. I must admit that there is an increasing amount of threads where women have walkaway husbands and at times I do get an evil smirk reading them because the shoe is now on the other foot. what a wonderful human being you are.
threebyfate Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Woggle, here's a fact you can't dispute. For every OW posting on this site, there's an MM. For every OM posting on this site, there's an MW. With this in mind, take a look at the ratio between OWs and OMs. The OW numbers far swamp the OM numbers. That's not saying that men or women are better or worse. It's to illustrate to you through logic, that you're using a gender filter, to solely focus on the negatives about women. In reality, there are cheaters in both genders. Many of us, male and female, are survivors of infidelity. Many of us have moved on from it and found a better life, including you, Woggle. Holding onto pain is self-destructive.
Author Woggle Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 what a wonderful human being you are. I am only what the world has made me.
sally4sara Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 I am only what the world has made me. Playing the victim card? I was abused growing up too Woggle. that doesn't give me the right to be a worthless, hateful, user who snoops on the one who trusts me the most and lie to his face. It doesn't give me the right to hate all men simply because my ex husband was a mess. And it doesn't give me a pass at being a good parent simply because I had a bad one. Grow up and stop picking your scabs.
marlena Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 wish I could be as hopeful and trusting as I was in my first marriage yet give that trust to a woman that deserves it but what I have seen can't be unseen. Wish as much as you want, Woggle, but it isn´t going to happen. As we all grow older, we lose the innocence of our youth and the wisdom we gain with the passing years comes with a price as mystery after mystery unfolds itself to us. And, yes, the picture isn´t very pretty but it is, if nothing else, grounded in reality. It is the truth staring at us in the face. People do all sorts of cruel things and have their flaws, no one is exempt. What you felt for your ex-wife was an idealistic form of love that can never be regained. As the years pile up, life itself divests us of such illusions. Not necessarily a bad thing if you use the newfound knowledge constructively. What you are lamenting is the loss of that innocence. We all do and then we move on from there. I think you are regressing, Woggle, and would like more than anything to curl back up into your embryonic state of existence. Who doesn´t? It was warm and safe in there. The way I see it, you can either remain glued to your idealistic, childish notions or you can accept the harsh realities of life and deal with them to the best of your ability. One thing, I'd like to ask if you do not mind. Why did you marry your wife? Was it a rebound? An act of revenge? Was it overwhelming love? Desire? Need? Fear? What motivated your decision? From where I stand, you brought a lot of baggage into your marriage. Not fair at all.
Author Woggle Posted January 28, 2010 Author Posted January 28, 2010 I was far from innocent when I met my ex but she was somebody from an abusive background just like me and we felt we were the only ones who understood each other. It was us against this rotten world and we would find heaven with each other only it didn't happen that way. I married my current wife because quite honestly I wanted to get her into bed at first but fell in love with her when I got to know her. Here was a woman who was not a drama addict, not a manhater and genuinely wanted a happy and healthy relationship with a man and I was so relieved to have found that because I thought it didn't exist anymore. She has since given me no reason to not trust her but I have such a wall built up when it comes to women that I can't fully let her in. Every time I read a cheating woman thread on this board or hear my coworkers high fiving each other about their cheating another brick goes in the wall.
marlena Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 (edited) I was far from innocent when I met my ex but she was somebody from an abusive background just like me and we felt we were the only ones who understood each other. Even this smacks of drama. Let go. It was not good for the both of you right from the start, doomed to end the way it did. Stop trying to romanticize your plights. It's like two chronically depressed people getting together - a sure -fire recipe for disaster! I married my current wife because quite honestly I wanted to get her into bed at first but fell in love with her when I got to know her. Here was a woman who was not a drama addict, not a manhater and genuinely wanted a happy and healthy relationship with a man Woggle, methinks you are addicted to drama because of your abusive background and can not live without it. You find an emotionally healthy woman and you can't stand it. Very typical really. I think you need to understand the root of your problem, grab it by the horns and tackle it. You can only use the abuse card for so long. You are an adult now. Time to get over it and put it to rest. Unless you like feeling abused. If that's the case, then , you are with the wrong person and need to find someone as messed up as your ex. Every time I read a cheating woman thread on this board or hear my coworkers high fiving each other about their cheating another brick goes in the wall. Time for a hiatus from LS! Edited January 28, 2010 by marlena
whichwayisup Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Remember not too long ago you did snoop and stumbled across something your wife wrote? Remember how positive it was and how relieved, and how happy you felt? Knowing that she thinks highly of you, loves and adores you? It's like you need constant reassurances from her that she still loves you. And wants to be your wife. I really think you need to go back to therapy and learn how to control your insecurities so they don't ruin your marriage. And, yes I agree with Marlena..Time for break from LS and any other negative board you post on. Fact is, what you are reading upsets you and ruins your day. You can't seem to let stuff go that you have no control over. Quite honestly, WHO CARES what others do. It's their life, their choices, not yours.. Focus on you, your own life, your wife, and close out all the bad stuff - DOn't let it affect you so deeply that it makes you question what you have right now.
NowhereToHide Posted January 28, 2010 Posted January 28, 2010 Jesus Woggle... you have to WANT to feel differently. You are wallowing in your self-annointed victimization. Enough already. If you WANT to change your circumstances, then do it. You've been given some really solid advice on how to do that. But, by all means, the choice is yours. If you choose to continue to stay the course you're on, you WILL lose your current wife, and you will end up alone. It's only a matter of time. Choosing to NOT help yourself is still a choice. You are choosing to remain a victim.
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