CaliGuy Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Speaking from your own experiences hardly makes you an expert, my friend left his gf of 4 years and never looked back...yet my ex left me and came back . In my experience and with what ive seen around me id even go as to say that women tend to come back more often but that is from MY experience and it doesnt make it a fact So that makes it a universal law right? Your experience is synonymous with everybody's? I can see that you are frustrated but please stop talking out of your ass, dont mean to be harsh but I hate when people start passing off opinions and as facts. 24 Posts to your name on LS. My friend, when you've been here 4-5 years and read through the threads, you'll start to recognize a pattern. My statements are based on the posts on LS alone (which provides a pretty decent pool of people to judge). I'm glad your wife came back -- but that doesn't make it the norm -- and it's certainly not the norm based on the LS' data.
prayingshecomesback Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Hey Cali...what do you mean by girls sniffing around for you? What were the things they did? How long did it take them in NC?
Mik12 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 24 Posts to your name on LS. My friend, when you've been here 4-5 years and read through the threads, you'll start to recognize a pattern. My statements are based on the posts on LS alone (which provides a pretty decent pool of people to judge). I'm glad your wife came back -- but that doesn't make it the norm -- and it's certainly not the norm based on the LS' data. I cant realy see the relevance of my post count but whatever... I actually post on another website and ive seen numerous occasions where the ex gf came back. Also if youre using this site as a reference then i can tell you right now that your statistics are biased. The reason for this is that by the time most ex gf's come back the dumpee has moved on and no longer uses this site for support so thats why you dont see that many stories where the ex comes back. Like they say: they only come back once youve moved on and once youve moved on you stop needing sites like these....its just common sense
prayingshecomesback Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 true Mik...they come back when you REALLY forget. LOL. Goodnight guys...
bananaboat11 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 No... they do come back. I'm in agreement with Mik. You pretend to forget them... until you do. When you move on... they come back. Somehow they know when you've finally moved on... they don't usually come back until you do. sucks.
CaliGuy Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 You guys watched "Swingers" far too much - LMAO! Ok well read through the threads, especially the divorce forum. If you think LS is a bad example, I've got news for you. LS is typical -- and this not the only forum, but it's one of the most popular (if not THE most popular), and for good reason. People on here give good advice. As for statistics, you can use a few examples, that's fine. Stick around a while here and you'll see that the odds of a woman coming back are far, far less than a mans and quite less often than you realize. Cheers.
CaliGuy Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Hey Cali...what do you mean by girls sniffing around for you? What were the things they did? How long did it take them in NC? Well the most aggressive one would IM me a lot (we have an IM program at work, I blocked her about a year ago). She'd say "I miss you" and other crap, but her actions never followed her words. All she was doing was sniffing around to make sure I was available as a backup plan in case her current guy screwed up. They've broken up and gotten back together several times. He's a jerk and she's insecure so that's a perfect match in my book (haha). Her and the other ex also do subtle things (poke around my web site, ask friends about me, etc). The key thing that I always tell people on LS: "Never believe what a (former/current) S/O SAYS. Always believe what they DO. Their words lie but their ACTIONS never do..." Cheers.
Serena2009 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 No, they almost never come back. It's a very rare exeception if they do. And no, I don't want them back. Especially after she's been doing the one-eyed-snake dance with some other dude. NO THANKS! Women start emotionally/mentally detaching from the relationship well before (weeks or months) they pull the trigger so by the time they eventually do leave, they have been "checked out" for a long time. Once that decision is made to leave, they're done. No remorse, no regret.... Men on the other hand are much more irrational and make "quick" decisions that lead to regret. That is why you see many "IDIOT" men dumping their G/Fs and then later saying they want them back. Tough -- deal with it. Shouldn't have made a rash decision in the first place and hopefully you won't do it again. I sense that you are right on this CaliGuy, that men tend to regret their decision and come back more than women, although I don't have concrete statistics and don't know if there are any. Women tend to talk things out and bounce things off their friends when they're unhappy in a relationship and correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think men tend to talk things out in this way. So, due to all the talking and analyzing through frineds prior to the breakup, a woman is likely more settled in her decision. One thing I question though, if men tend to react with logic and women tend to react emotionally, how come men aren't more logical and are instead seemingly irrational when it comes to deciding to break up with women. THIS, I don't get!!
Author McGrupp Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 care to elaborate. btw love the 3rd person shtick and the quote
carhill Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 how come men aren't more logical and are instead seemingly irrational when it comes to deciding to break up with women. THIS, I don't get!! Their big and little heads are tangling. Not pretty
Serena2009 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Their big and little heads are tangling. Not pretty Hey there Carhill. No its NOT pretty. LOL!!
CaliGuy Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I sense that you are right on this CaliGuy, that men tend to regret their decision and come back more than women, although I don't have concrete statistics and don't know if there are any. Women tend to talk things out and bounce things off their friends when they're unhappy in a relationship and correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think men tend to talk things out in this way. So, due to all the talking and analyzing through frineds prior to the breakup, a woman is likely more settled in her decision. That is a big part of it. Women tend to discuss the relationship with friends/relatives. Men tend to internalize and make the decision on their own. Men do it quickly, often irrationally. Women do it over time, after much thought/discussion. Therefore: Women, when they leave, are pretty much done. They have moved on mentally. It's only when there is a lapse, they are bored or lonely, that they go back down that path. They don't normally stay because the minute the next "Mr Right" comes along, they are on that train. Men? Usually regret it if they don't have someone else waiting in the wings (which does happen often). They are more likely to get lonely/bored because again, they don't have the same support group. This isn't "Swingers" and men don't sit around (well not many do) talking about their relationships with other men. And Lord help them if they talk to their exes friends.... One thing I question though, if men tend to react with logic and women tend to react emotionally, how come men aren't more logical and are instead seemingly irrational when it comes to deciding to break up with women. THIS, I don't get!! Like it was said earlier, men think with the smaller brain, not the big one. Women don't make emotional decisions to leave IMHO. They leave because their needs aren't getting met in the relationship (emotional, physical or they simply aren't IN love anymore -- the infatuation fades). They leave after they've agonized over the decision for weeks/months and sometimes, years. (divorce). The signs are always there if men simply paid more attention. The time to try and reconcile is BEFORE the relationship ends, not after. And the only way to gauge that is to pay attention to her behavior, not what she says. Once she pulls the trigger, I honestly think men should pack up and find the next train themselves. No sense trying to "convince" someone to love you and take you back. They either do or they don't and only time and space will help them come to that conclusion -- on their own. The more you stick your mullet in her face, the more respect is lost and any last ounce of love she might have had goes right out the window.
carhill Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Hey there Carhill. No its NOT pretty. LOL!! Probably the big/little conflict is a poor visual, but IMO the collision between the intellect, libido and ego creates a conflagration that comes out as WTF to nearly any bystander. Imagine running the list of benefits versus liabilities, still wanting to f*ck her and, yet, seeing some other male competitor sweeping in to capture your property that you've spent huge amounts of time, energy and money to acquire, all at the same time in one conflagration of thought and emotion. Not politically correct to be sure, but about as raw an image as I can conjure up. I had this experience when 'relocating' the stbx's furniture and the result was the lawn mower flying out the back of the truck. Fortunately, it was a Honda.
threebyfate Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I agree with the guys that once we make up our minds that the guy isn't "Mr. Right", we wimmins don't go back. But...not every breakup is a scheduled, long thought out event. From what I've read on LS, there are scenarios where women use break ups, as a last ditch effort to make their men appreciate them. Also, there are scenarios of "heat of the moment" break ups. Some women, no matter what, prefer the men to be the aggressor/pursuer. If you take all the above into consideration, instead of assuming, take a good, hard look at what personality type your ex is, consider how the break up happened, then decide if it's worthwhile to attempt reconciliation or move on. Whatever course of action you decide to take, one thing's for certain. Sitting back and waiting for your ex to come back to you, won't get her back. It also won't allow you to move on. So...piss or get off the pot, one way or the other!
Woggle Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Women only want to come back when a man truly doesn't want them anymore. When he finally moves on and is truly done with her then sometimes she comes crawling back.
CaliGuy Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I agree with the guys that once we make up our minds that the guy isn't "Mr. Right", we wimmins don't go back. IMHO that's true most of the time. Your reason below is probably a close second. But...not every breakup is a scheduled, long thought out event. From what I've read on LS, there are scenarios where women use break ups, as a last ditch effort to make their men appreciate them. Also, there are scenarios of "heat of the moment" break ups. This is indicative of poor communication on both parts. That isn't easily fixed either by a breakup. This is where counseling BEFORE a breakup happens is how things are corrected. Breaking up to be appreciated is cutting off your nose despite your face. Talk and work it out or end it for good. There really isn't much of a gray area. Some women, no matter what, prefer the men to be the aggressor/pursuer. This is also a bad idea because the pride of some men will not allow them to pursue a dumper. I fall into this category personally. If you take all the above into consideration, instead of assuming, take a good, hard look at what personality type your ex is, consider how the break up happened, then decide if it's worthwhile to attempt reconciliation or move on. Whatever course of action you decide to take, one thing's for certain. Sitting back and waiting for your ex to come back to you, won't get her back. It also won't allow you to move on. So...piss or get off the pot, one way or the other! I tend to disagree. They are the ones who chose to leave. For whatever reason. If it wasn't communicated, if you couldn't sit down and work things out, breaking up won't fix it. And many men, damned the torpedoes, will not pursue no matter what. And most of the time when men do pursue they simply screw it up by being overly aggressive or worse -- clingy/whiny. IMHO if you can't talk it out, breaking it off won't "fix" the damage. The same problems will be there when you get back together and another, final breakup will occur. People need to talk. They need Counseling. They need an earnest desire to slay their own personal demons before they can fix a relationship. Cheers.
Author McGrupp Posted January 27, 2010 Author Posted January 27, 2010 I agree with the guys that once we make up our minds that the guy isn't "Mr. Right", we wimmins don't go back. But...not every breakup is a scheduled, long thought out event. From what I've read on LS, there are scenarios where women use break ups, as a last ditch effort to make their men appreciate them. Also, there are scenarios of "heat of the moment" break ups. Some women, no matter what, prefer the men to be the aggressor/pursuer. If you take all the above into consideration, instead of assuming, take a good, hard look at what personality type your ex is, consider how the break up happened, then decide if it's worthwhile to attempt reconciliation or move on. Whatever course of action you decide to take, one thing's for certain. Sitting back and waiting for your ex to come back to you, won't get her back. It also won't allow you to move on. So...piss or get off the pot, one way or the other! i would say most women dont like being chased. they lie to pursue. so chasing post breakup only leaves you to be disapointed and give up dignity. like right now i could email or call the ex and be like i miss you or something. your post would say to do that in a way. but knowing my ex, she doesnt want that. she wants to pursue me and although i think that time has long passed, i cant give her more of myself by trying to get her back, because basically there is nothing i can do. not a thing. she would have to contact me at all, ever. which is over. never going to happen. i assume you like to be chased?
prayingshecomesback Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 My real estate agent told me a story about her brother and his wife. His wife cheated on him and then she wanted a divorce. He was devestated and moved in with his sister. Then he picked himself up and started dating. Met a great girl and is now ring shopping and is going to propose soon. Meanwhile, his ex wife now wants him back badly and keeps texting his sister on how serious his new relationship is and keeps begging her to talk to him. His sister just can't tell her the bad news that they are about to be engaged... That it would just devestate her. It sucks for her... But just another proof they sometimes do come back.
Woggle Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 My real estate agent told me a story about her brother and his wife. His wife cheated on him and then she wanted a divorce. He was devestated and moved in with his sister. Then he picked himself up and started dating. Met a great girl and is now ring shopping and is going to propose soon. Meanwhile, his ex wife now wants him back badly and keeps texting his sister on how serious his new relationship is and keeps begging her to talk to him. His sister just can't tell her the bad news that they are about to be engaged... That it would just devestate her. It sucks for her... But just another proof they sometimes do come back. His wife deserves everything she gets. She should have never treated him like this.
sean1970 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 (edited) I cant realy see the relevance of my post count but whatever... I actually post on another website and ive seen numerous occasions where the ex gf came back. Also if youre using this site as a reference then i can tell you right now that your statistics are biased. The reason for this is that by the time most ex gf's come back the dumpee has moved on and no longer uses this site for support so thats why you dont see that many stories where the ex comes back. Like they say: they only come back once youve moved on and once youve moved on you stop needing sites like these.... If you cannot admit that there is a statistical (logic will just have to substitute for actual hard data) imbalance between the count of women that attempt to come back compared to the men that do, there is not much to talk about. I don't see how you could claim that LS data is biased. Yes, men heal and move on but that does not support your argument that women eventually do come back to men at an equal rate or that they would even make an attempt. The logic is a non sequitur... its just common sense Apparently not... Edited January 27, 2010 by sean1970
DustySaltus Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I've had ex's contact me after 8 years and another after almost 2 1/2 years. Both of them wanted to make things work. I've been on the other end as well (actually with the girl who contacted me after 8 years) because I managed to not appreciate her in the way I should. I think that at the end of the day whether it's a man or woman, dumpees tend to come back a lot less than dumpers. Because as time goes by the dumpee usually gets stronger and the dumper is left in a position where if something goes wrong with someone new, they can very easily second guess themselves. If the breakup was because of cheating, physical or mental abuse though, all bets are off....
Crazy Magnet Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 I guess I fit into the "on the whole" part of women. I've always been the one to break up with the guy, I've never gone back. I've never even contemplated going back. I always do this last ditch effort to make it work, and if it doesn't, I do sort of mentally check out of the relationship, and think about things more objectively.
Serena2009 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 That is a big part of it. Women tend to discuss the relationship with friends/relatives. Men tend to internalize and make the decision on their own. I think your right. I don't know of too many men who spend hours on the phone or in person chatting with the guys about their relationships. Rather, guys tend to think it through alone. Men do it quickly, often irrationally. Women do it over time, after much thought/discussion. Therefore: Women, when they leave, are pretty much done. They have moved on mentally. It's only when there is a lapse, they are bored or lonely, that they go back down that path. They don't normally stay because the minute the next "Mr Right" comes along, they are on that train. Men? Usually regret it if they don't have someone else waiting in the wings (which does happen often). They are more likely to get lonely/bored because again, they don't have the same support group. This isn't "Swingers" and men don't sit around (well not many do) talking about their relationships with other men. And Lord help them if they talk to their exes friends..... I think you're right, men don't have a support group to talk and work through these issues before or after. Their support group seems to consist of, "You'll be alright man, let's go get a beer." Like it was said earlier, men think with the smaller brain, not the big one. OK, I think I get this. But what in the relationship makes the guy think he's got to have variety and flee, only to realize what he had was better? Women don't make emotional decisions to leave IMHO. They leave because their needs aren't getting met in the relationship (emotional, physical or they simply aren't IN love anymore -- the infatuation fades). They leave after they've agonized over the decision for weeks/months and sometimes, years. (divorce). The signs are always there if men simply paid more attention. The time to try and reconcile is BEFORE the relationship ends, not after. And the only way to gauge that is to pay attention to her behavior, not what she says. I think you're absolutely right about the reasons women leave (unmet needs) and the agonizing they go through over the decision (nut cases excluded). I also think you're right and very astute in knowing that the signs are always there before, "if men simply paid more attention." I think men sometimes stop paying attention and take things for granted. Once she pulls the trigger, I honestly think men should pack up and find the next train themselves. No sense trying to "convince" someone to love you and take you back. They either do or they don't and only time and space will help them come to that conclusion -- on their own. The more you stick your mullet in her face, the more respect is lost and any last ounce of love she might have had goes right out the window. Do you think this is true when a man dumps a woman as well? Some men seem to want to be pleaded with to save the relationship when they dump a woman. What do you think?
Serena2009 Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Probably the big/little conflict is a poor visual, but IMO the collision between the intellect, libido and ego creates a conflagration that comes out as WTF to nearly any bystander. Imagine running the list of benefits versus liabilities, still wanting to f*ck her and, yet, seeing some other male competitor sweeping in to capture your property that you've spent huge amounts of time, energy and money to acquire, all at the same time in one conflagration of thought and emotion. Not politically correct to be sure, but about as raw an image as I can conjure up. I had this experience when 'relocating' the stbx's furniture and the result was the lawn mower flying out the back of the truck. Fortunately, it was a Honda. Hey again Carhill, I get it!! Those are some pretty strong thoughts and emotions emerging all at once! And thank God the truck was a Honda!!
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