JHparkes Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Hi everyone, I'll try to make this as short as possible. I'm finding myself obsessing over a guy who I am about to go out on my 3rd date with on Friday. I met him New Years eve and from the moment he asked me out (added me as a friend on facebook & asked me out) I had a feeling I would really like him as he seems a nice guy and is also physically my type, but I was cautious after going out with several blokes in the past 18 months that I didn't click with. I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me, like I had a deep down commitment fear or something. So anyway, we have gone out twice. Each time the date has actually lasted until the following day - first date I slept at his, 2nd date he came back to mine. I haven't had full sex with him yet but we have done other things. The thing is, there is something about him that makes my stomach flip with butterflies, puts a big grin on my face and feel really happy. This (as I said earlier) I haven't had for a long, long time. But..here's the catch... He does seem very into me. When he first asked me out he was telling all his work friends about it and how he was so looking forward to our date (he works with my friend's boyfriend) - so much so that he even asked my friend where he should take me on a date (and told her not to tell me as he felt embarrassed). So we went on our first date and he was very nervous, as was I, but something about him made me want to go out again as we did get along well. But I did learn on the date that he'd only been split with his girlfriend of 8 years since June (7-8 months ago). He has two children with her - one of 7, the other 3. I didn't ask too many questions on that date, and too be honest didn't really want to know the ins and outs, although he did like to mention it hiimself. 2nd date was for the friday just gone and I've got to say, I had a surprisingly fantastic evening. I just liked everything about him and felt that feeling that I haven't felt in a long time. However, (and this is the bit that stinks!)on the way back into town he wanted to know "Why" I haven't had a relationship in a long-time. I explained that I had simply "gone off" a lot of guys in the past year and a half or so; that the last person I fancied properly was my ex and before that it was a few years. I explained that I went out with someone and at first I liked them and then I just found myself put right off them. He then went on to go on about his ex-girlfriend - he said that "yeah to be honest I don't know what I'm going to be like......I was with her for 8 years and then someone else for 3 years before that....I'm not used to being on my own, I'll probably go mental" and sort of made a joke out of it and then he said "I don't know if I'll fall in love again either". well after hearing that my heart dropping into my stomach and I felt really deflated. Not only had I not wanted to go down that road (he'd insisted on talking about it) I now had that horrible feeling of "don't get any expectations Justine!" So we went out for a drink and after the drinks had started flowing, we losened up again and started dancing etc, kissing, affection etc, etc. Loads of guys were coming over to talk to me to which he said that i was very popular. As I said before he seemed v.into me. We were sat talking in the bar and he said "you think very deeply don't you?" and I said "yes" because I do. and he said "I'd love to know what is going on inside that head of urs. You play ur cards very close to your chest." We went back to mine and we just lay cuddling and other stuff (he didn't try anything on with me and actually stopped when he thought it was going too far) and hinted at another date, saying we'll have to go out to a good restuarant next time. we went to bed, and when we woke up we were cuddling for ages and being really close. I heard from him yesterday and he sent me a text saying "hey sexy! How are you. So do you fancy going out for an indian then?" and I said that yes I would, and we are meeting this friday. But as I feel so into him, I'm feeling REALLY insecure. Do I really want to become involved with someone if they're not over their ex? Is it worth the heartache? I asked why his ex had split up with him and he said "I never gave her any affection towards the end of the last year of being together. She kept asking me and telling me and I didn't. I totally changed from what I was like with her in the first 7 years." when I asked why, he said "I just got bored of everything. Coming home, going to work etc" and he said one weekend she said she was going to her Mum's and he just said "ok" so she went and when she came home, she asked him to move out. He said before that they'd never had a row in 7 years. So tell me, am I wasting my time here. If I wasn't this much into him, I'd not be bothered to even type this. But as I'm feeling strong feelings already, I really don't know what to do.......... Sorry for the long post (thought as much detail as poss was needed to get a good opinion)
boogieboy Posted January 26, 2010 Posted January 26, 2010 Usually when someone says "i dont think ill ever fall in love again" that is a cue for "im not feelin you that much, so dont get your hopes up." Run while you can.
hoping2heal Posted January 27, 2010 Posted January 27, 2010 Hi everyone, I'll try to make this as short as possible. I'm finding myself obsessing over a guy who I am about to go out on my 3rd date with on Friday. I met him New Years eve and from the moment he asked me out (added me as a friend on facebook & asked me out) I had a feeling I would really like him as he seems a nice guy and is also physically my type, but I was cautious after going out with several blokes in the past 18 months that I didn't click with. I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me, like I had a deep down commitment fear or something. So anyway, we have gone out twice. Each time the date has actually lasted until the following day - first date I slept at his, 2nd date he came back to mine. I haven't had full sex with him yet but we have done other things. The thing is, there is something about him that makes my stomach flip with butterflies, puts a big grin on my face and feel really happy. This (as I said earlier) I haven't had for a long, long time. But..here's the catch... He does seem very into me. When he first asked me out he was telling all his work friends about it and how he was so looking forward to our date (he works with my friend's boyfriend) - so much so that he even asked my friend where he should take me on a date (and told her not to tell me as he felt embarrassed). So we went on our first date and he was very nervous, as was I, but something about him made me want to go out again as we did get along well. But I did learn on the date that he'd only been split with his girlfriend of 8 years since June (7-8 months ago). He has two children with her - one of 7, the other 3. I didn't ask too many questions on that date, and too be honest didn't really want to know the ins and outs, although he did like to mention it hiimself. 2nd date was for the friday just gone and I've got to say, I had a surprisingly fantastic evening. I just liked everything about him and felt that feeling that I haven't felt in a long time. However, (and this is the bit that stinks!)on the way back into town he wanted to know "Why" I haven't had a relationship in a long-time. I explained that I had simply "gone off" a lot of guys in the past year and a half or so; that the last person I fancied properly was my ex and before that it was a few years. I explained that I went out with someone and at first I liked them and then I just found myself put right off them. He then went on to go on about his ex-girlfriend - he said that "yeah to be honest I don't know what I'm going to be like......I was with her for 8 years and then someone else for 3 years before that....I'm not used to being on my own, I'll probably go mental" and sort of made a joke out of it and then he said "I don't know if I'll fall in love again either". well after hearing that my heart dropping into my stomach and I felt really deflated. Not only had I not wanted to go down that road (he'd insisted on talking about it) I now had that horrible feeling of "don't get any expectations Justine!" So we went out for a drink and after the drinks had started flowing, we losened up again and started dancing etc, kissing, affection etc, etc. Loads of guys were coming over to talk to me to which he said that i was very popular. As I said before he seemed v.into me. We were sat talking in the bar and he said "you think very deeply don't you?" and I said "yes" because I do. and he said "I'd love to know what is going on inside that head of urs. You play ur cards very close to your chest." We went back to mine and we just lay cuddling and other stuff (he didn't try anything on with me and actually stopped when he thought it was going too far) and hinted at another date, saying we'll have to go out to a good restuarant next time. we went to bed, and when we woke up we were cuddling for ages and being really close. I heard from him yesterday and he sent me a text saying "hey sexy! How are you. So do you fancy going out for an indian then?" and I said that yes I would, and we are meeting this friday. But as I feel so into him, I'm feeling REALLY insecure. Do I really want to become involved with someone if they're not over their ex? Is it worth the heartache? I asked why his ex had split up with him and he said "I never gave her any affection towards the end of the last year of being together. She kept asking me and telling me and I didn't. I totally changed from what I was like with her in the first 7 years." when I asked why, he said "I just got bored of everything. Coming home, going to work etc" and he said one weekend she said she was going to her Mum's and he just said "ok" so she went and when she came home, she asked him to move out. He said before that they'd never had a row in 7 years. So tell me, am I wasting my time here. If I wasn't this much into him, I'd not be bothered to even type this. But as I'm feeling strong feelings already, I really don't know what to do.......... Sorry for the long post (thought as much detail as poss was needed to get a good opinion) I think that he is physically attracted to you and enjoys the time you spend together, but obviously at this point he doesn't see much of a future beyond "fun time" with you. Either because he isn't legitimately over his ex- or he used her as an excuse to point out that he doesn't plan to get to serious with you. Either way, I think he's made it very clear he doesn't see you as "serious" potential.
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